He dumped me two weeks ago because we just couldn’t see eye to eye on sex (he wanted it then I wanted to wait). It was hard to accept at the time because I knew he rushed things. So I sent him a long text recently explaining that he was wrong and that I still liked him. When we ended he expressed conflicting feelings about calling it “I still like being around you and am really attracted to you.”
Does this text really hurt my chances of reconnecting in the future? What would you think if you got a “I still like you” message from a girl you dumped?
41 comments
>It was hard to accept at the time because I knew he rushed things. So I sent him a long text recently explaining that he was wrong
🤣🤣🤣 Jesus fucking Christ, I wonder why that relationship didn’t work out!
Don’t worry about it your long text isn’t what’s gonna bring him back
If he couldn’t understand you wanting to wait that means he never intended to stay for long anyways , dodged a bullet here
I’m on two minds here.
He could just ignore the text, or skim it. Or he would read it earnest and reply/not reply. All is his conscious decision.
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I don’t think it would hurt your chances one way or the other. But he does now know you still care for him a lot.
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Personally? If the split is because of a very valid reason, then I would feel endeared, a bit pained really. It was a good thing, which unfortunately had to end.
Long texts can be intimidating but in other contexts more so. In this one i dont think it makes a difference positively or negatively
Esp if his priority was finding a sexual partner and yours was finding an emotional connection. I think you’d be better served finding someone who wants the same rather than hoping this guy comes around
Yaaaaaaaa. Find a more compatible guy.
In terms of long text, you’re probably better off having an actual conversation with the person if you have that much to say.
Well you sound like a teen so it’s not a man you’re texting I hope. Most boys who are only intrested in sex aren’t going to change their view after a long text. Especially if they felt strongly enough to break up.
Dont rush into sex to get them back If you’re not ready and just move on.
Too many things left out here. Age? Kids? Time together? Virgin?
“We broke up over (X), so I sent him a long message about the ways he is wrong.”
Good luck!
EDIT: also, you’re *26*? And he’s *30*? What do you consider “waiting” to have sex? You’re both adults who have presumably both had sex before already.
I’m not even sure what you’re asking here anymore so I’m just gonna respond to the last question. No, I would never go back to an ex.
Let me put it this way. Your post was too long for me.
You sound insufferable.
You guys don’t see eye to eye and are incompatible for it. Go find someone who jives with you. He realizes that and instead of wasting his time and yours, he lets you go.
Then you send him a long text to explain that his preference is wrong but you still like him? Lmao get out of here with that.
Tbh Sex shouldn’t be a given and it’s your choice if you wanted to wait to see if you are really compatible and comfortable if he didn’t understand this then he probably is not the right man for you tbh.
Does a long text hurt your chances? No.
Does THIS text hurt them?
> **I sent him a long text recently explaining that he was wrong** and that I still liked him.
Yes.
Btw, this
> When we ended he expressed conflicting feelings about calling it ***“I still like being around you and am really attracted to you.”***
means “if you change your mind and want to have sex, I’m interested.”
Him wanting to have sex isn’t wrong. You wanting to wait…also not wrong.
Find someone that shares your views rather than trying to tell someone with opposing view that they’re wrong.
Long texts aren’t bad if it’s from an established relationship.
I don’t know what exactly your stance on sex is, but a lack of sexual compatibility is a huge slow burning relationship problem. If you think you’ve got a relatively low sex drive, try to find a partner who also has a relatively low sex drive. If you’ve got a high one, try to find a partner who also has a high one.
I’ve been with a girl who wanted to wait a few months before having sex for the first time and I’m never going to do it again. At the time I thought I must be dating a really high quality girl, I felt secure in not having to worry that she would be sleeping with someone else, but once we started to have sex, our relationship just went downhill. We had polar opposite sex drives, she had no issue having sex just once a week, while I was mentally going insane. She was a great girl in every other facet, but I have never felt so undesirable In a relationship.
What was the goal of your text? Like, were you actually trying to convince him that he was wrong about the fact that he wanted a relationship with somebody who has sex with him? Cause that doesn’t seem like a winning argument.
You were sexually incompatible. You each wanted a different relationship. No text is long enough to change that. Nobody is “wrong”.
It doesn’t matter how we feel about long texts. What matters is that you should find somebody who wants the same relationship you do.
The relationship didn’t fail because you two didn’t like eachother, it failed because you two want different things from the relationship
You have to respect that and move on,
sounds like the breakup was like:
let me know when you change your mind about the things we didn’t see eye to eye on then call me
>Does this text really hurt my chances of reconnecting in the future?
I think not having sex has hurt your chances.
The follow up text blaming him removed any doubts or regrets he had.
If it’s nicely / well formatted then it can be a pleasure to read, and can give insight
If it’s a block wall of text it will be hard to chip away at and digest.
Personally I love getting long text from women really explaining their thought process in text form. I really appreciate the care someone puts in to typing a wall of text and if it’s from someone I care about, I’ll drink up every word.
A long text may not have hurt your chances if he’s a guy that likes the fine details like myself, however I think the only thing really hurting your chances on a relationship is your attraction to him. If you were truly attracted to him you’d have sex with him.
You aren’t the one for him and that’s why he broke up with you. He has self respect and doesn’t want to have to pressure you for sex
You should never feel pressured for sex, you should only do it when you fully want it.
He knew that he and his body by itself wasn’t enough to get you sexually turned on enough to have sex and not feel pressured so he moved on.
Let him go op, find the guy that’s actually going to do it for you. If you like him, let him go.
Personally, I wouldn’t go back to a woman who tried to tell me that my sexual preference is wrong. Their MY sexual preference, not yours. You want to wait? Cool I’m not going to force you but I’m not staying around.
How is it alright for you to want to wait for sex and it’s wrong for him to want it? Who are you to decide what is right for him? This just makes me think there will be a lot more “*your wrong*” talks in the future anytime something doesn’t go your way. He is free to leave and fulfill his wants elsewhere just as you are free to wait for x amount of months or dates or whatever.
“I knew he rushed things”Both of you can like each other but want different things. If you still hold onto the belief that he wanted something you don’t, and because of that you are correct and he is incorrect; then your long or short texts won’t matter. Learn to accept people who they are first, then try relationships.
Anything more than a sentence is too long.
The real question is:
You sound like you want to get back with him, but are you willing to give him what he wants in order to get him back?
How many words you use is in a text is irrelevant until you can answer that question
I personally don’t mind long texts, especially when warranted. A long text explaining how you feel is probably better than “your wrong horndog, let’s get back together”
He’s just wrong? It’s not possible that maybe you have different needs and desires. It’s a mistake for men to simply accept “no” as the default response for sex all the time, it’s horrible.
annoyed
TL;DR
Length of text depends on the guy if they will like it. Y’all had two dates though and he just wanted to smash.
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>So I sent him a long text recently explaining that he was wrong and that I still liked him. When we ended he expressed conflicting feelings about calling it “I still like being around you and am really attracted to you.”
You told him he was wrong after two dates and he responded saying I am attracted to you. The length of the text isn’t so important but telling a guy they are wrong after a couple dates and we should still be open to dating isn’t going to win him over. His response indicates that he is still attracted to you and wants to smash. At this point you could let him know you changed your mind and he would probably invite you over. Almost guarantee you though he is just going to be in it for the sex and not a relationship anymore since you are lecturing him after a few dates.
I believe you should always express your needs and concerns esp if you want a healthy relationship where there is respect.
You shouldn’t deny your feelings…they’re yours!. The right men will honor your expression and step up..the ones who don’t respect you -step out. Simple.
Here’s my answer for every single:
“How do men feel about – ?” Questions…
It depends on the man.
You…sent him a long text explaining that his feelings are wrong and your feelings are right? Because what? You’re female so you must be right? He’s a man so he must be wrong? How do you define “he rushed things?” Is this objective or is it just your feelings? Why do you believe YOUR feelings are more important and valid than his feelings?
I’m afraid you’re too young to understand this yet: men who don’t get what they want, don’t want you around – at all. It doesn’t matter if you send a short text, a long text, or a damned book. You aren’t what he wants. Move on and go frustrate another hapless man.
>So I sent him a long text recently explaining that he was wrong
Or in other words, his feelings don’t mean anything to you if you feel differently. It’s the end of the discussion. Obviously you don’t owe him sex, but he certainly is not wrong for wanting to have it. You’re not going to connect in the future because you aren’t going to provide him what he needs. What’s the point of dragging this out?
Please use contraceptives. All I feel the need to say with this one.
Is this Rachel Green texting Ross Gellar in 2023?
…you get texts?
I wouldn’t really mind, but sending long texts is a very ineffective way to solve the problem. Talk it out with the fella, face to face.
It’s completely fine to not want sex right away or need to wait. Whatever you need. Our culture is very much sex on the first date or you’re not worth the oxygen you breathe. I strongly disagree with that take. However, he wanted sex and you’re not ready so if he won’t wait then you’re not suited for each other. Find a man that is on the same page as you.
Long texts suck. Just say it in a conversation.
When I get a “I still like you” message, it depends on how I feel about the girl, why I left, and whether I think anything’s changed.