Why so many guys nowadays struggle with finding girlfriend?

40 comments

  3. Pussy recieved a huge buff in the last few pacth updates that it’s become OP. I dont know who we talk to, either god or some other higher being, but it needs a significant nerf to balance out the meta.

  4. Probably no single reason. Low self esteem is a big one though. Thinking the aren’t good looking enough or tall enough or smart enough or whatever. Then there are lack of social skills. Isolation and depression. Also once you are done with your education the opportunities for meeting women just aren’t there in your face everyday. You have to pursue activities that bring you into contact with people. And if your hobbies are video games and porn it’s not going to happen.

  6. Online dating is the source which fuels the main problem, which is a self-esteem problem.

    It will leave most men feeling that they are entirely undesirable. And given that most men use these online dating platforms as their main form of contact for meeting women, it results in most single men feeling that they can’t attract anyone.

    Why? The vast majority of men do not get any positive female feedback from these apps.

    So they don’t even bother anymore. Their self-esteem has been entirely torn apart by the experience of it to the point where they can’t even recognise attraction signals from women in real life scenarios anymore.

    They just accept that they are not wanted, by anyone.

  8. I’m not sure if guys struggle to find a partner. My friends around me are starting not to bother if I’m honest because there’s too much hurt involved these days.

  9. Taking bad dating advice from online dating gurus/PUAs, lopsided gender ratios on dating apps, relying ONLY on dating apps to meet women, not dressing well or having good hygiene, etc.

  11. Guys greatly overthink what women actually want and care about. Case in point, most of the comments in this thread. Too, I don’t think many guys are prepared for just how difficult it is to maintain a healthy relationship. Thinking of a girlfriend as a status symbol doesn’t help either.

  12. Dudes put women on a fucking pedestal and think so much higher of them than of themselves and focusing on making themselves better and happier

  13. I am personally struggling with finding a girlfriend, but I am also kind of picky even as a male. I have fairly high standards. More so dealing with personality and spiritual background, though.

    I take care of myself: workout, currently am getting an education (in college for Computer Science now), I work on personal growth mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Also, try to see the flaws in myself and work on them as best as I can.

    My point: Don’t ever compromise and don’t always assume the problem is necessarily with other people (although it could be). Try to see if there are things you can work on yourself to improve yourself as a potential mate.

    *Edit: There was a deleted comment earlier about compromising a little where I do agree with that when solving small arguments and differences. I’m in the boat where this should not go against your beliefs, values, and who you are. For example, I wouldn’t compromise on marrying within my faith, but if it’s a small disagreement such as where to go out for food or other small issues that’s more of another story. Small compromises are sometimes necessary for a relationship to work.

  14. Online dating is like 70% men and 30% women, so you have more men competing for a smaller pool, women are allowed to be selective because they have to be on tinder, bumble, etc. Also on Reddit there seems to be consensus among women that they never want to be approached

    1. Don’t approach me at the gym, I’m there to work out
    2. Don’t approach me at the bar, I’m there to have fun with my friends
    3. Don’t approach while I’m working, I’m there to work
    4. Don’t approach me at the grocery store, I’m there to just get my errands done

    I could go on and on, but the point is men are constantly told that they can never approach women now (at least on Reddit), which only leaves them with 2 options, meeting people through friends (and men are also severely lacking that in dept as well compared to past decades) or through OLD.

    Then when they do find someone who is attractive, interesting, and has her life together odds are she is already dating someone or married because lets’ be real here, it is generally easier for a woman to get a boyfriend then a man to get a girlfriend.

  16. When I was 25 I added a quote to my list: “All the good ones are taken” (having seen that most co-workers who were decent looking and not crazy were married already). Dated a few girls since, but haven’t met anyone so far that made me change my mind.

  17. I think just people just struggling to find a serious partner in general, not just men having this problem

  19. In my case, it’s mostly that even my absurdly overcharged libido has never been enough to motivate me to try. Consequently, I have no experience, and learning has been… less than a priority.

  20. People spend far too much time looking for the perfect mate, rather than trying to be the perfect mate.

  21. My current girlfriend and I started out as friends and are around the same level of attractiveness.

    She was complaining about not having any guys wanting to date her so to prove her wrong I made a dating profile for her. I purposefully put zero effort into it; minimum pictures(purposefully unflattering ones too), no bio, nothing of any substance.

    The account has live for 6 hours and it got over 100 likes. Not only that, men were messaging her not only hoping for immediate sex, but legitimately well seeming men who appeared to be boyfriend material. She could have 20 dates set up before she was on the account for 24 hours.

    This is also why it’s so hard for men. When women are faced with so many choices it’s almost impossible to stand out in a meaningful way. I knew a girl who didn’t pay for an ounce of food for almost a week because she had been going on dates for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’s not their fault, it’s just how it is.

  22. Online dating is awful and I feel like most women have made it explicitly clear they don’t want to be hit on when they’re anywhere but a bar.

  24. I opened bumble… matches with 1-2 women or non at all in a week. The ones I match don’t say anything or stops replying.

    Whereas my friend a girl..opens bumble. One day later.. she has 550 matches. And talks to 2 guys. She says those two guys barely say anything.

    Lol

  25. Bc most of the task of living as a guy is hiding the cutesy, innocent, and inherently human parts of ourselves and holding them at bay until we can dump it all on a partner.

    So there’s a lot of pressure to not fuck it up and it’s easy to choke.

  28. The single biggest piece of advice I can give to any guys is to get yourself together and be happy as you. My current gf said the part that made me attractive was the fact that meeting someone wasn’t a priority. I wasn’t playing hard to get or any mind games, meeting someone was just a “nice to have” at the time. I was confident without being arrogant.

    I’m 5ft8, 18 stone. I’m not particularly wealthy, I don’t have a new car or own a house. As a matter of fact when we met I had just been made redundant and had to move back with my dad.

    Being “together” is probably the key point here. Be content as yourself, in your own skin and it shows to others.

    I suppose the fact that I can make people laugh effortlessly goes a long way too.

  29. For me? It seems nowadays everyone is online, but I don’t trust online dating sites to not just string me along with robots . Especially if they expect me to pay a large sum .

    Also , I’d figure allot of men and women nowadays are having mental issues due to many things . It’s not easy to deal with a relationship on top of the mental crap you need to deal with.

  30. Men really need to start becoming more comfortable demanding respect from women, having standards for women, rejecting women who do not meet these minimum standards, or just being happily single if they can’t find a good partner.

    Whenever men’s dating struggles in the modern day get brought up, the rationale given always seems to be some version of most men failing to live up to the barest minimum dating standards. Or at least, that seems to be the popular talking point used to mock men in women-centric circles.

    The inconvenient fact that they’ll never talk about is that honestly, a good portion of women really don’t have their crap together either, whether it be a complete lack of communication and relationship skills, being incapable of handling their emotions in a healthy way, utterly lacking personal hygiene or financial responsibility, or just plain old being misandrist which seems to be perfectly socially acceptable these days.

    Women generally seem to be comfortable turning down men who don’t meet their requirements. Nothing wrong with that, more power to them. Men on the other hand are biologically and socially conditioned to be seekers and initiators, and apparently will still keep trying to approach or stick it out in a relationship with women who don’t deserve them whatsoever. This leads to a positive feedback loop of artificial scarcity where men are compelled to be ever more unselective while women’s standards are allowed to become frankly unrealistic (or at least, unrealistic relative to their own value as a partner). The rise of online dating has only made this problem worse. I personally have far too many good, functional male friends in relationships with women who are profoundly mediocre but nevertheless have deluded themselves into thinking they’re god’s gift on earth. It’s infuriating watching how much they invest in the relationship, just grateful to have a girlfriend, while all she does is exist and nitpick him if he gets her takeout wrong and demand more footrubs that will never be reciprocated. I know several men who have not only planned, but also *financed* entire vacations and then one week later she’s on social media complaining about “mental load” or whatever the social justice buzzword of the day is because the poor schmuck forgot some dishes in the sink.

    I doubt it’ll ever happen, but if only men as a collective whole could become comfortable with the idea of rejecting women and being happily single if they don’t find someone who meets their standards, I bet the playing field would even out real quick.

  31. Overly high emphasis on rules 1 & 2. Technology gives you a conflict free way to deny potential suitors and has debilitated regular human interaction, so many younger dudes lack experience.

  32. People always tell me I have a high standard. But I like to think I have self respect.

  33. Because the market has been made super efficient with social media and dating apps, women are just expressing their true preferences.

    So at most 20% of the men are hogging 80% of the women leaving the rest of the 80% of the men to fight over what’s left.

  35. You look at animals like birds and you see them attract females with feathers. And then you wonder how human women choose their criteria.

    The answer is social skills. Being able to carry on a conversation while keeping them feeling comfortable. These are your peacock feathers. Because humans, especially women, are *social*.

    Lack of social skills is an epidemic among young men right now. And humans were always supposed to do this in person, not over a dating app.

  36. Genuinely it’s technology. Im the eldest of gen z, 25yo and i can tell i avoided the worst of it. But my god, people are so reliant on apps to meet people instead of actually socializing. And guys don’t get to wear makeup or wear clothes that suck them in in all the right places or hell even learn how to take decent pictures, so it’s very hard to look presentable on dating apps like tinder. You have to be genuinely conventionally attractive to compete for attention on those apps.

    And with all this disconnect guys are terrified of actually introducing themselves in public or at bars, actual face to face interaction has gone down significantly.

    Im started to sound like a boomer here, but we really should get people the hell off of social media, it’s absolutely terrible for us

  37. Where the fuck are they supposed to meet them?

    Hitting on girls in public is a minefield of whether it will come off as cool or creepy

    Online dating is literally rigged against men, and relationships in general.

    So it’s either bang coworkers or bang friends…both of which have heavy downsides if it doesn’t work out the first time.

  38. The older I get, the more I wish I was gay. At this point in my life, I know I’m an attractive guy. Thanks to the gay community, I know that I’m cute and have a nice body. In my 33 years of life, I’ve only been hit on by like 4 women, and I think they were all drunk. But when it comes to gay men, I’ve lost count. I get compliments from men all the time at the gym and sauna. Every time a friend brings a gay friend over, the gay friend always compliments my smile, my arms, or they’re just giving the stare. The times I’ve gone to gay bars, guys hit on me. All the times I would go to Dolores Park in SF, some dude sits next to me to make conversation. Women always seem like they’re mad at me. They can’t make eye contact with me and it makes me feel awkward. Yeah, my love life would be so much better if I was into dick. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I’m short (5’6″). Gay men probably don’t care about height like heterosexual women do? It’s weird how confident I’ve become of my appearance, but I still struggle meeting women. Simply put, I don’t really know why I struggle with women.

  39. Dating apps ruined my self esteem and no friends to go out with to meet someone.

    The weekends are the worst, also probably doesn’t help I work all remote.

  40. Struggle? I don’t struggle. I also don’t try.

    As much as I’d love a partner to share my time with I hate everything about todays dating scene.

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