Cheating/ porn addiction

Not sure how to even word this . So a few months ago I found out my husband had been posting pictures of me online (dressed,nudes,pregnant) with my name and age in some swingers , wife “breeding “ ( I know , disgusting) bisexual hookups etc and downloading pictures of them jerking off to my pictures. He had chats calling himself a sissy and sterile saying he needs someone to sleep with his wife? Setting up meetings for sex with strangers then not showing up or stopping talking to them. He also had a lot of downloads of porn, women and trans women. Pictures of himself jerking off sent to other people not showing his face .I was heavy in my alcohol addiction then so I kind of let it go , he said he would delete them. Beginning of this year I found them again , also found out he had been paying people on the site Chartubate ( especially enraging since we were behind on bills) had an account on Reddit and kik still posting my pictures and a recurring theme was them as white men wanting to have sex with and “breed” me a black woman with their “white seed” I kid you not. My husband is white and I’m black. I started going through everything. This man had accounts on adult friend finder , Ashley maddison, had tried to go to sex parties and meet people through Craigslist ads and I found an email. Title Still suckin cock? from him to a guy with a picture of him jerking off attached . I’m not going to get too graphic but he asked the guy if he remembered how it felt when the guy gave him a blow job and the guy responded with how he felt giving it . The guy asked if my husband wanted to come over that day , my husband said maybe and asked if the guy wanted him to reciprocate this time . Long story short I confronted him , he confessed he met the guy on Craigslist. He said it happened before we got married but we’re living together and had our first son, we had had a big disagreement and I was staying with family. He said he didn’t even see the guys face that the door was open and it was through a “glory hole” (🤮) He reached out to the guy two years later after we had our second son, we were
married then with an infant! he said he didn’t remember and was probably drunk. Said he was sorry , hated himself, don’t leave,
do you want me to unalive myself . I didn’t have any of it so he brought up that I cheated too.I’m so shocked and hurt, he says he understands my hurt but I should know he’s always been curious about men. I had my suspicions but he always denied . There was an instance where we were briefly separated and I kissed someone and he told his family and gave me shit for cheating on him for years . Last year he told me he wanted a divorce , I didn’t disagree. I let him keep the house and I was going to get my own place after staying with family. I hooked up with a few people including a girl , got a boyfriend and moved in with him . Ended up breaking up and I returned to my house while I looked for my own place . My husband and I ended up getting back together but he gave me shit day and night for seeing other people as soon as he said he wanted a divorce . I admit I was relieved he said it first and I didn’t have to feel guilty for exploring . He says we can call it even and I can have a “pass” if I want . I don’t even feel like this is real , what if he’s actually gay but just just felt like he had to hide ? Or say he’s just bisexual but he hasn’t really had a chance to explore relationships with guys so he might feel dissatisfied and decides he wants that sooner or later blindsiding me?The Posting my face he doesn’t have a reason other than he is a bad sick person but what other reason than to shame me?don’t want to disrupt my kids or my life again and honestly I don’t want to parent alone . I’m just so disgusted and I can’t talk to anyone about any of this . I know this is all over the place. Just looking for some open minded insight I guess.

Update
Thanks for the comments. Things I have to consider are that my SO had a DV case against me which was dismissed w/out prejudice so he has that hanging over me , that would be a problem with immigration and also he’ll refuse to let the kids visit my family overseas if I decide to leave him. That in addition to the fact that I can’t afford to get divorced , pay my bills, daycare , continue finishing my degree and most definitely be the one paying child support since I make significantly more is just exhausting to think about.I’m so defeated, I’m just getting comfortable and confident in my sobriety, taking care of my mental health and working hard take care of the family then this.He did see and have to deal with the worst version of me when I was active in my addiction, treated me horribly but rightfully so . I was a sad excuse for a human being ,got help and a correct diagnosis and got on the right meds .I’m working on forgiving myself, my relationship with God and my self worth but I guess part of me feels like I don’t deserve any better than this for my struggles with alcohol and my mental health. I also feel like if I expect forgiveness from God and my family for the pain I caused I should extend the same grace to him? Sorry again, I know this is long and all over the place , thanks for reading.