Men that were cheated on, what was the most painful part about it?

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  1. She slept with my dad. It’s alright tho, I told mom, got her grounded and dad kicked out of the house.

  2. Feeling absolutely stupid for not catching on earlier. Connecting dots afterwards and seeing so many things that I should’ve spoken up over but didn’t.

    The fact that someone can tell you they love you and treat you like a worthless idiot is soul crushing.

  3. It was with a guy who treated her worse. Now I don’t really trust women when it comes to relationships.

  4. Divorce and custody battle, the lying about it, trust issues, not being easily able to just find someone to date again because of the stage of life I am in.

  9. The fact that it was with the person she told me never to worry about. She always accused me of being the one to cheat, very much was projecting.

  10. She was also mentally and physically abusive, so the cheating kind of took a back seat to that. It hurt for sure, but I had a much harder time moving on from the abuse than I did from the cheating.

  12. Having the suspicion and living with it way too long trying to trust her. Then realizing you wasted your time for nothing.

  13. It was at a house party, walked into a room to them in bed together.

    The worst part was that the party had run out of beers

  14. For me it wasn’t even the physical cheating, it’s a gross thought, but I could get over it. She was having a whole relationship behind my back. It was the emotional part that got me the worst. She wanted a life with him and not me. I would never expect my partner to not find other people attractive. (not condoning physical affairs) However, I do expect them to not desire someone on that emotional level. That only comes from taking the time to build a relationship.

  15. Realising that I was naïve enough to create a fiction of a woman instead of paying attention to the reality, then realising that the person I actually loved never existed in the first place.

  16. That she denied it for over a year and actually made me believe I was imagining things.

  17. The worst was that I still loved her and it took a long time to realize she didn’t love me and probably had not for a long time.

    We should have broken up at least a year sooner and if we had we might have parted on good terms and remained friends.

  18. My high school sweet heart cheated on me with one of my close friends from home while I was deployed to Iraq. The worst part of it was the gas lighting by both of them. They tried as hard as they could to convince me that I was being crazy, paranoid, and jealous for no reason, but it in the end they were banging for months.

  19. That I’ve never been able to love someone since. I tried to start new relationships but ultimately decided they left me too vulnerable and have been single for 6 years now

  20. Definitely the worthless feeling. I put my heart and soul into that relationship for a very very long time, forgave a ton of indiscretions and some emotional abuse (she waited until I got home to attempt suicide to make sure I would see it), supported her physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually, and she threw it all away like a stubbed out cigarette over an exciting new fling. And then blamed me for it.

    Subsequent attempts to date in the current environment have not improved this feeling of having zero value.

  21. Being blind by love and being gaslit into believing it’s not happening and I’m being paranoid. Instead of her doing the right thing and ending it.

  22. Her trying to play it down and make it as though I was being unreasonable for getting so upset about it.

    “I don’t understand why you’re so upset about it. It was just a one off mistake. It didn’t mean anything. I dont understand why you just can’t get over it and let it be in the past. If this was the other way round I’d just accept that people make mistakes and move on”

    Just a complete refusal to accept how much it had hurt me.

  23. That painful gut wrenching feeling that deep down in the back of your mind you already knew but you were praying and wishing to any kind of divinity that you were wrong. Because nothing looks worse on a man than pointing out your suspicions and being wrong only for your assumptions to be based off insecurities you didn’t even have, rather everything was purely observation…. it’s tormenting. Dammed if you do dammed if you don’t. But when you love someone wager in risk and reward is as heavy as how real the love is.

  24. The self doubt. If you don’t see it coming you don’t know if your view of the world is that delusional or if the other person was that good at fooling you. Then you rationalize, everyone makes mistakes…I was right to be trusting…does love really exist?… Is anyone in my life loyal? I was sure she was so what else am I certain of that is going to blow up in my face?

    The foundation of all your relationships can be shattered. All the solid ideas you grasp on to in order to make a bit of sense in this crazy world disappear in an instant. You can’t trust your own judgment so are thrown into a chaotic spiral.

    I had a feeling of trying to grab at something I believed was solid and real and it turns to dust once my hand gets close. And that feeling invaded every part of my life.

    The lesson is, don’t be naive. It’s the naivete that makes the fall so far that it hurts like that in my opinion

  25. She asked about being friends after that, since a relationship didn’t work. I thought “well, she still has many things that I consider wonderful in a person, maybe this is a person that I don’t want to miss”.
    After that, I felt stupid every day. I was still in love with the girl that cheated on me and told me to be friends. After a few weeks, I told her that I couldn’t bear it anymore, that we couldn’t continue talking as if nothing happened.
    Luckily, I distanced myself from her before she started a relationship with the other guy, so I was quite calm with the situation when it happened.

    Still hurts a bit tho

  26. The feeling of depositing time money, effort, into a relationship. Being the rock and unconditional for her family when they needed something. Protecting her sister from the ex-husband. Taking care of her nphews and then finding out my money and years of relationship turned to dust.

    I remember her saying you dont deserve this. To be honest, i feel like I did not. Mind you, i was not perfect! But the intentions and well meaning was always there. Just to turn to strangers after 2 years, it just made me realize that to prioritize me, investing in someone just seems meaningless.

    The painful part is that it changed the perspective of love into a more realist view its okay. But it just seems more cruel and harsh now.

  27. 1st time was an 18 month relationship. I didn’t really care, I was 17 at the time and had more important things happening.

    2nd time was a 10 year relationship. Married for 6 years, no kids but we had a home and pets. This came on the heels of my dad dying from cancer (my mom had died from cancer six years prior from), my grandmother suddenly becoming very I’ll, and one of cats dying at 18 years old from heart disease.

    The hardest part was starting over from square one. My best friends had all moved away and I was starting a new job so I really had no one to rely on. Had to give up my home that I loved because I couldn’t afford to buy her half of it, but I kept 2 dogs and 2 cats who are getting older now but still thriving.

  28. Didn’t even care about that. What hurt the most was that I wouldn’t be seeing my son every day anymore.

  30. Being emotionally scared for life. It really triggered a very anti women feeling in me(unjustified) and I went on a spree of meaningless hookups with strangers and friends alike. The worst part was that there were a lot of women who were genuinely great people but i ended up just sleeping with them for the sake of it. This made me lose too many good friends and potential friends.

    It made me feel not good enough, so I had to seek validation in stupid ways.

  31. The initial discovery. It hits like a thousand freight trains. Confusion, hurt, disgust, and the shattering of someone you used to know can really take a heavy toll on you.

  32. Losing my best friend

    Losing my sense of self worth

    Losing the trust I had in myself

    Having my perception of love being destroyed

    Losing about 90% percent of my ability to care about others anymore.

    Having the time spent building be worth so little

    I can perceive what’s going on around me and with people so much better now, but I feel so detached compared to the way I was. I’ve become more observer than participant.

  33. When she asked for a divorce, I asked who it was for. She said no one. A month after she introduced him to her parents. And during a mediator’s meeting had the audacity to ask if I had second thoughts. I laughed it off in a meeting but fell on my knees crying as soon as I got home.

  34. That this person who I cared about more than anyone else, and who was supposed to care for me mutually, deliberately chose to do something to hurt me. My partner knew my boundaries and standards and went ahead with cheating on me. She would say afterwards “I never meant to hurt you like this”, but those are such empty words.

    Once that happened I basically lost all trust in people for a very, very long time. And I probably won’t allow for certain vulnerabilities ever again in my lifetime.

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