Let’s say I’ve been single for 5 years and I’m craving a relationship. And then I start texting someone and then I ask her on a date, and we go on a date.
What if I just play it cool the whole time? Is she going to know I’m desperate if I’m just asking her questions and trying to get to know her? Is pursuing someone inherently desperate behavior? Wouldn’t that mean using dating apps is also desperate?
How long do I have to be alone to stop being desperate? Is being desperate inherently a bad thing? How do you stop having a desire that just gets stronger with time?
30 comments
simply desiring a relationship is not the same thing as being desperate
Just go bro, even if you get rejected it’s a learning experience and is on the road to confidence. Knowing what could happen through experience is confidence. And confidence is attractive, at least that’s what I’m told…
I would say they can sense desperation.
But I was virgin at 26, inexperienced and desperate. So I tried to fake confidence and to know what I was doing. I was still desesperate, but I was physically much bolder than otherwise. In the end, my 1st girlfriend never thought she was my 1st.
And my 2nd didn’t believe she was my 2nd
And when they smell it it’s like blood in siren infested waters,and if they detect the source the victim will have about as much chance as a pig in the e750 inclousere
Hey, man!
One of the main indicators of being desperate is lowering (or abandoning) your standards. In other words, you’ll take (almost) anyone that comes your way.
Another sign of desperation is when you try too hard to get somebody’s attention. And by trying too hard, I mean going out of your way by pretending to be something you are not.
And lastly, another potential indicator of desperation is when you give up your dignity.
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So to answer your questions, if you play it cool, will she know you are desperate? Yea, maybe. I would say that in most cases, an experienced woman will be able to see through you because, as stated above, you are pretending to be something you are not.
Asking questions and showing interest in someone is not an act of desperation unless you are going at it intensely, which could be seen as hints of desperation.
Using dating apps as an indicator of desperation? Not at all. No argument would suggest that. Although, there are many users in dating apps that are desperate.
How long do you need to be alone to overcome desperation? Until you have managed your emotions and found your self-worth.
Is being desperate a bad thing? Yes. In a desperate state, you won’t be able to make rational decisions.
How do you stop having a desire that gets stronger in time? By having self-control.
Act naturally and behave how it feels comfortable to you. You should focus on getting to know the person and showing them your personality, rather than worrying about how you come off.
When I started OLD I watched a whole lot of YouTube videos on how to ‘get the guy’. I played the game according to those videos on a couple of dudes but then realised quickly that I’m acting against my nature and they’re not really getting to know me and I’m dating the wrong guy if I have to play games.
I’m just being myself now with better success and far less stress. Now it’s just finding a person who is compatible and on the same level.
Despite what many women claim, they can’t sense desparation at all. If they had some kind of sixth sense about men, they would make better choices overall. I personally think it’s an arrogance – as women are very often in the position to choose, the claim to have superpowers. In the end, lack of confidence is very often confused with desparation.
There is a contradiction that many women are not aware of : So they see this guy at a party, he is approaching her. She refuses and he tries with other women this night. So this guy is automatically considered desperate. Which is very odd, as most women don’t know the feeling getting rejected multiple times. Should he stop at one shot a party just not to be considered desperate? It’s like a lot of women claim the attention of this man even when she is not interested. The judgment of desperation is so shallow in my opinion.
I know many people who swear that the only time they seem to attract others is either when they’re already in a relationship (and therefore not on the market) OR when they’ve basically made peace with being alone.
So basically what I’m saying is that you need to be perfectly content with NOT having a relationship… don’t put out those “pick me, pick me!” vibes.
This does not necessarily translate to OLD. It’s more of a real life paradigm.
It varies. In my experience I go for being as physically attractive as possible and love bombing ( texting a lot and showing high interest)…. its worked well for me but I have been called “lonely” before which was very insulting
Yup from the first chat!
Finding a relationship when you’re desperate doesn’t usually fit in the long run. You end up pushing your foot into a shoe that really really doesn’t fit- callouses, bunions, u name it, ur gonna get it. But sometimes I guess we need that lesson- to see that we deserve better.
Work on yourself and better to find someone when you’re in a stabler place mentally.
Coming across desperate is:
– Texting way more often than they do
– double texting if they don’t reply in a few hours
– showing way more interest in them than they do in you
– being intense
– showering them with gifts, praise or affection too early
– declaring love / feelings etc too early or over the top
– seeming obsessed with them
If you’re just being a normal person and dating to find a r’ship then that’s not being desperate. Play it cool to an extent but don’t play games, just be mature
Be like Jupiter 🪐.
Have things come to you.
Ask yourself an honest question. Would you date you? Probably not…I’m assuming. Since you’re in this situation. Second question; why not? <- work on that first then, build character and trust in yourself. Then a relationship should follow. In time. And that partner should compliment you, not define you.
Confidence is attractive in everyone.
Desperation comes off as creepy, clingy, and impatient — behaviors which are less than fun to be around. Even if the person can mask it on a first date, their tendency to overthink every interaction and want to extract meaning, motivation, and any hint of a sign that it’s going well or going poorly will eventually leak out in their behavior.
That’s often the cause of the indescribable “just not feeling a spark” feeling after a couple of dates – even if you find them physically attractive. They reek of desperation, and it spoils anything that was there before.
Conversely, someone you never noticed before ‘in that way’ can, out of no where, look different to you. You think to yourself “Wow! I never noticed how super cute their smile is. And they’re SO FUNNY and SO CHILL…”
Attractiveness is more than looks, and desperation is not attractive.
EDIT —
It’s not just women that can sense desperation. Men, can too. This is why EVERYONE finds dating hard and can’t figure out ‘what they’re doing wrong’.
Also – sensing desperation is how creeps and womanizers find victims — ruining it for everyone.
Being desperate to me means that you want a relationship and would rather have someone you’re not compatible with than being alone. If this is the case, you will consciously or unconciously start behaving like it, and we can tell. For example: you agree with most things we’re saying, you like everything we do, you text nonstop even if we don’t reply, you want to move forward with the relationship very quickly, etc.
Wanting a relationship is very different. You are not only lookinf for a woman, but you are specifically *looking for the right woman for you*. You have time and patience to figure out if the woman you dating and you are compatible and have no trouble walking away if this isn’t the case.
Of course the above is more of a scale than opposites, I think.
The worst is when we are clearly not vibing, we have nothing in common, and you just agree you like all the same things I do. Make me wanna barf.
Like a guy will ignore my funny og joke and just be like “oh okay, you having a good time?” Like no, we have zero banter.
Guys can too actually
YES
Yes. Yes they can. According to my bff who’s a guy. I’m a woman and my answer is also yes.
Yes.
Absolutely. They may not know it consciously but their warning bells go off. Women tend to trust those
No, it’s reddit bullshit unless you’re truly visibly desperate in a way that everyone would see, men, women or even bystanders.
Don’t play it cool, be yourself. I don’t speak for all women, but I think most of us hate when guys love bomb us. For example, I met a guy online. We talked over the phone for 2 weeks. There was a weekend that I had to go out of town for work so we didn’t talk. He started telling me that he really missed talking to me and wanted to know if I miss him. Literally knew him (not in person) for 2 weeks, didn’t talk for 2 days days – slow down. Guys that I meet online also go overboard with compliments, so annoying. They give out so many compliments that I can’t believe they don’t say that to every woman they meet.
If you’re desperate, admit it and be desperate. If anyone says you shouldn’t be explain to them your situation/why you’re desperate. If they still say you shouldn’t tell them to stop being an idiot.
If you want a partner, you want them to take you as you are.
I dislike desperation because it doesn’t ever truly feel genuine, and yea you can sense that from another person. It feels forced and worse, it feels fake. “Oh you like x? I like x too. I’ll change everything about myself so you’ll like me, even if I really don’t want to.” It feels like infatuation instead of actual desire, and like the desperate person thinks being in a relationship (not even necessarily with me) will solve any and all their problems. And lastly, what happens when the infatuation wears off? Does the charade continue until resentment builds? Can you be honest and genuine about your likes and dislikes of the other person?
Once you are in a mental state where, you will not accept certain behaviors or traits.. You can likely wing it on the rest.
Insecurities and desperation are easily seen by everyone. Women don’t have a gift for it. It’s an obvious thing to see
no, they can’t. they can only get impressions from what you tell them and how you act. nobody can “smell” desperation or “know” who is a bad person. only way to know if someone is a bad person is by knowledge of their actions.
Ahh perfect question.
Yes.
And for many, desperation is a turn off because a desperate person has no other focus. You should be desperate to find your purpose and work toward your goals. Focusing on that will bring in people who are interested you as a byproduct.
Self worth over everything. Never put anyone over yourself.
We’re all desperate man it’s just about being comfortable in your own skin. Let’s face it we all love attention so someone being desperate doesn’t bother any of us we just want that attention from the right person if she’s on a date with you chances are shes into you. Learning body language helps or being confident enough that you’re ok with rejection.
We can smell it on your breath. We also smell fear. Watch out