I am separated from the only man I have ever loved and been with. I do not love him, do not want him back but I miss being with someone and being wanted. I thought I had found someone, I was crazy happy, then he ended it with no warning or anything.
I met a guy who was very clear what he wanted, and I respect his honesty. No relationship stuff. He wants me to come over, have sex, hang out for a while, but no dates, no “how was your day?” Nothing emotional. I am very attracted to him, the things he wants to do is very exciting to me, and at this point, I just want to feel desired by someone. (I hadn’t by my ex is a long time.)
But I just don’t think I can do it, without love is going to be hard enough, without anything? Last night something bad happened, we were texting, I was quiet for a bit, and when I came back I told him what happened. I then realized that I already broke the arrangement. He still wants to start this arrangement, but I feel like I will always want to be his partner and I will always just be sex.
I think I have too many emotions for this. Those who have done FWB, did you feel worse about yourself after? I was feeling better and more confident till this proposal came about, now I wonder if I am settling?
6 comments
Back off you’re already aware you need a certain emotional connection you’ll not get from this guy. Do yourself a favor and give it some time to think over and approach properly if you are able to.
Unfortunately it’s a double edge sword. When my ex left me, and took most everything it was heart breaking.. I spun into trying to make myself feel better with just meaningless sex.. and for a time it helped.. kinda like in the instant makes you feel better, but then later you know you’re only trying to replicate sex with your ex, just with someone else. Eventually I just went off on it, worked on myself and then actually found someone who matches me and likes the same things as I do..
I’m not saying don’t, just saying that for me it was like putting a bandaid on a wound.. and only me taking the time to steady my own ship lead to a more fulfilled sex life.
FWB is hard sometimes. From person to person, your emotions can change. If you’re not done to just have sex, then don’t push yourself to do it! I love sex, but I also love intimacy and building that connection with someone…
If this FWB isn’t what you want then don’t feel pressured to get involved. There will be certainly other men that desire you and want that emotional connection. As lonely as it can be, it’s ok to be alone and heal and figure out what you want for a while. I had a FWB after a tough breakup, but I knew I needed just a physical relationship for a while and wasn’t ready for an emotional one for a while. But that was me (and I’m a guy) and it isn’t for everyone.
That isn’t an FWB, that is a straight-up booty call. There is a middle ground, of being able to have just sex without it being cold, distant, and emotionless like a hooker. Find a better FWB, the key word being “Friends.”
I can’t imagine you’ll be better off emotionally after being with this guy. Just get out there and find something more fitting for your needs