I met this woman in work when she joined about 4 months ago, and we hit it off straight away. We spent a lot of time in the day together, and she would regularly make physical contact with me such as putting her arm around my shoulder, hugging my arm and hugging me, which she also did in front of other coworkers (she didn’t do this to other coworkers). A few of my friends there said there was something between us, but I just believed she was super friendly, and didn’t want to assume anything. I also didn’t want to make it awkward if I did ask her about dating me and turns out she was just being friendly.
Anyway, about two weeks ago her and I, and a load of other coworkers went out for a meal and drinks together. I live quite far away from work, and during the night she offered me to stay at hers, saying there was a spare bed. At the end of the night, her, another female coworker, and I all went back to her place. We drink a bit more at hers then head to bed. The other coworker ended up staying in the spare bed, and I said I would stay on the sofa.
About 10 minutes after we all go to bed, she comes to the sofa and lays next to me, gets very close to me, and we start kissing. After a few minutes, she asks if we should go to her bed. We mess around for a lot of the night then get some sleep. In the morning, we also mess around a bit, and she is generally very flirtatious, for example climbing on top of me naked to grab a drink. She tells me this is her first time being intimate with someone in over 2 years, which is also similar to me.
A few days later, she invites me on a date. We hang out for most of the day, and end up chatting in her car for about 3 hours about random stuff, and also how we feel. She also told me that she hadn’t been in a proper relationship in over 3 years (same with me). We both share our mutual likeness for eachother, and both say what we like about eachother. We also miss multiple times (sometimes me initiating, sometimes her).
We regularly chat on WhatsApp multiple times a day, and a few days ago I ask her if she would like to meet up again. She then says she’s confused about how she feels about me, and also how she feels about relationships in general. I tell her I understand it’s confusing, we only just started dating so there’s maybe a lot of mixed emotions, and also we’ve both not been with someone for a long time. She then asks if we could meet just as friends, and although that hurt a little bit, I agreed and also said I completely understood why, and also that I didn’t want to pressure her in any way or cause any kind of negative feelings. I also tell her my appreciation for her honesty and openness. We haven’t met yet, maybe next weekend. I unfortunately also no longer see her in work as I have recently left. Since this conversation, the amount we talk has stayed the same.
I’m wondering what changed? She was the one who initiated staying in bed together, and she was the one that invited me on a date after that situation. It was flowing nicely and we were both happy (or so it seemed) so I’m not quite sure what’s wrong. Maybe due to the fact that she hasn’t been with someone for so long so needs time to process the feelings and figure out what she wants? In any case, I’m happy to meet as friends as just being in her presence is nice.
I was suppose to be moving away to another city about 4 hours away, but for a few different reasons decided to postpone it, and am now having major doubts about leaving at all. She is aware of all these feelings (including the fact that I probably won’t end up moving) and was actually one of the people who suggested I postpone it to give myself time to think. I’m worried maybe she thinks I postponed it because of this thing with her, and now is feeling some pressure/guilt of some sort? Or maybe she’s worried she will get attached and then I’ll move away (even though I’ve made it pretty clear this will probably not happen)? Could be the case. I’ve told her I’m applying for jobs locally now, which she seemed fairly excited about…
Tl:dr – Woman who’s shown likeness to me for 4 months, and also initiated intimacy and also invited me on a date, now only wants to meet as friends as she’s confused about her feelings. Is there anything I can do to help her through these feelings, or is it just a matter of giving her space and time? I don’t want to lose my chance with her as she is quite special and I care about her a lot. I know we’ve only been on a couple of dates but we spent about 8 hours a day in work together most days (not anymore as I have since left).
1 comment
You messed around and maybe she thought she had feelings for you but then it changed and she just wants to be friends. It happens. She probably changed her mind. Live your life…move if that’s what you have to do but don’t stick around for her. She’s done.