Hi Everyone,
For Context, me (24F) and my husband (28M) were separated for 4 months and I just moved back in on the 1st of March for us to reconcile.
In late February, I sent him a tiktok of an all you can eat seafood restaurant. I thought it would be nice to go to together with or without my daughter. I haven’t heard anything from him about it so I thought that he didn’t want to go (he doesn’t like to take us out often for financial reasons). I planned on saving up some money for a family day so we can all try it one day.
Fast forward to yesterday, I came home from work and he and his friends were celebrating his best friend’s (27M) birthday. I decided to join in and make conversation. Then his best friend slips that they were going to a crab restaurant for his birthday. My husband and another one of his friends tried to shush him but it was too late. I knew it was the place I sent my husband for us to go to.
I excused myself out of the apartment because I didn’t want them to see me cry as I was started to get emotional.
I texted my husband saying that I don’t think this is working and that I wanted a divorce.
He kept texting saying I’m overreacting and that his best friend deserved a good birthday gift. He also said that after they go, he will take me sometime after. Our Valentine’s date was a place they both went to first too. I’m starting to feel second place to his friends. But then again, I might be acting selfish too.
8 comments
But it’s okay to act selfish though. You are supposed to be the person most closest to him. The person he was supposed to think about first and care about. And he decided that his friend was more important. That is such a big betrayal.
I mean it’s telling that your husband shushed him bc he knew you would be upset. How expensive was this place?
Doesn’t sound like your husband is making much effort to reconcile. If you’ve just moved back, he should be prioritising you and spending less time with friends as you work things through.
Do his friends like you? Have you always been second place to them?
His first thing to do after you communicate why this hurt you and wanted a divorce was to invalidate your feelings? Nah. Divorce his ass. Love yourself first.
You need to go. He puts his friend above you and you should come first for him. You don’t deserve this.
If you’re willing to divorce him over a restaurant, it is over. If he’s not willing to pick a different place for you, it is over.
I don’t blame you for feeling this way. Because not only is he taking his friends to a place you suggested, but it’s obvious that he TOLD them not to tell you about it. So this isn’t just an oversight- oh I forgot you sent me that place!- but very intentional on his part.
I think you should maybe go through with the divorce. He isn’t making an effort right when he should be making the most, he is actively hiding something from you and asking his friends to as well, and then worst, trying to tell you it isn’t a big deal. Well if it wasn’t a big deal, then why did his friends all try to “shush” talking about it? Because he KNEW it wasn’t a kind thing to do.
So it isn’t about the restaurant, it is about a lack of respect- you don’t tell your friends to keep something from your wife- as well as a lack of caring for your feelings.
You aren’t being selfish, and this is one of those times where the example feels small (and I’m sure he will continue to say it is just a small thing) but the way in which he went about it demonstrates all the larger problems you have.
He puts his friends first, he hides things from you, asks others to hide them from you, and then tells you that you are overreacting. Run girl, run.
Yeah he not prioritising you and the fact he sushed his friend because he knew you wanted to go there and didn’t invite you.
I’d say that he has very little regard for you and I’d just walk away. The fact you only just got back together and he pulled this making you feel as if you don’t matter is very telling