What is the difference between providing money & food to your gf and your gf being a gold digger?

35 comments

1. You aren’t rich and your gf isn’t a bum/trophywife.

2. The amount of money they ask for/expect from you.

3. No difference. If she’s using you for money, she’s using you for money. Gold-diggers may be more up-market, but the core issue is the same.

4. I think a gold digger isn’t just provided for, they take a lot of money and also jump around depending on who has most to offer

5. There is no difference. All relationships are transactional. People seek relationships that meet their needs and have to meet their partner’s needs in return to maintain the relationship.

6. There is no difference.

7. If your gf actually contributes in other areas of the relationship and does things for you (cooking/cleaning/shopping for you, helping you stay organized etc etc) then it can be fairly even reciprocation.

   If she just wants you to pay for everything and the fund the glamorous lifestyle she wants to show off on Instagram without bringing anything else to the table and without putting in effort to satisfy you and help make your life easier, GOLD DIGGER. Stay away.

8. Do you also provide each other with love and support? Do you have a deep emotional connection? Does she provide more to the relationship than sexual encounters or her physical appearance? Are you monogamous or does she also receive financial support from others in exchange for physical intimacy? Are you providing for her because you love her and have agreed on a mutual relationship in which you help each other grow, or does it feel like a requirement in order to gain her affection?

   These are just the differences I could come up with off the top of my head. Even if you are providing for your partner in a financial sense, there are many differences between a true, romantic relationship and a sugar daddy/sugar baby agreement.

9. Do a simple test.
   Walk into the house and tell your GF/Wife you lost your job. Pay attention to how she reacts. Will she bring positivity and encouragement or will B mode turn on?

   “When poverty comes through the door, love goes out the window.”

10. In my mind it comes down to expectation.

    If she expects it, she’s a gold digger.

11. As a man who has fallen for that trick, if she’s asking you for money ask what that shit is going to be spent on. Don’t pull a me 7 years ago and just go yeah sure here you go. Also DO NOT give access to any of your accounts until you are absolutely one hundred percent certain she’s the one.

12. Does she ever spend money on you? Does she only want expensive stuff? Is it hurting you financially and she couldn’t care less?

13. Gold diggers want everything and give nothing.

14. Would she stick around if you weren’t giving her money and food, then she’s not a golddigger. If it goes on for too long and you feel used tho potentially she’s taking this arrangement for granted.

15. How is this even a question

16. The difference is if you willingly do it versus if she expects it.

17. … if she was a gold-digger she would spend your money on shit that she doesn’t need, like expensive clothes, jewelery, perfume, shoes, and what not.

    I was interested in a girl back in my college days whose daddy would spend 500 dollars on clothes for her, alone, and 600 dollars for shoes, not to mention the shampoo, the soap, the hair salon, and whatever else.

    Yeah, no, I’m poor lol kthxbye.

18. Your perception.

19. what is an “RS” in this context?

20. One is much more voluntary than the other.

21. I would have no issues providing in the short term e.g. gf in college and I’m working, she’s between jobs, building a business, working towards something that you are both committed to. However, any time you detect an entitlement not to work without valid reason, to me that’s a red flag. Not necessarily a gold digger but someone unwilling to do things they don’t want to do even if it would be fair in the relationship to do so (assuming no kids, agreements that one works, one does primarily house stuff whatever…which I’m not entirely convinced is an equitable division of work load)

    Gold digging however, I think is proactively pursuing a partner for their resources and being willing to trade up if a better opportunity comes along. I think that these individuals tend to view themselves as trophies awarded to those with the most tokens.

22. It’s all just variations on the same theme

    Harvard study by [Alexandra Killewald](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/akillewald/files/money_work_and_marital_stability.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiUrMmO58fyAhVCBs0KHSwZAs0QFnoECCsQAQ&usg=AOvVaw2OIBS1FPTEqztA55pCeXHA):

    >For marriages formed
    after 1975, husbands’ lack of full-time employment is associated with higher risk of divorce,
    but neither wives’ full-time employment nor wives’ share of household labor is associated
    with divorce risk. ***Expectations of wives’ homemaking may have eroded, but the husband
    breadwinner norm persists.***

    Women are hookers and men are Johns

23. Need a bit more context. Could be a gold digger, a sugar baby, or just a leech. Realistically though a gold digger is going to push for marriage to really secure that gold supply. You might just have a run of the mill dependent on your hands.

24. If it’s a condition of your relationship.

25. Unless she’s on the verge of eviction/foreclosure/can’t pay for medicine/treatments, I would be giving her zero money. I’d be happy to pay for dinners out/dates if I was way more well off.

    I would expect her to have her finances under control and live within her means to be considered for long term material. If engaged, and her family had no money, I’d be willing to help out some and pay for wedding. Once married sure, provide away.

    My wife has wanted to quit and raise our child. I made her swear before she got pregenant “lets cross the finish line together” / retire at the same time. Which really does make saving money a priority.

26. If she gets mad at you for the occasional time you don’t provide it she’s an entitled gold digger. Run like the wind.

27. Well… do you actually have any gold to be dug?

28. In the old days when men paid for things that wasn’t a one way exchange.

    The woman would show her appreciation by cleaning his house, washing his clothes, preparing meals, etc.

    They were both demonstrating their willingness to perform their respective gender roles.

    Now women demand the man perform his traditional role while she gets to be a “modern woman”.

    Is gold digger the right word? Maybe not.

    But if she’s willing to exploit you financially now when she’s most attracted to you then imagine what she’ll do later when she does like you as much.

29. A gold digger treats everything as a transaction. A woman of value expects little but she is always genuinely grateful for what she gets from you.

30. I Pay most of the time we go somewhere but my girlfriend pays sometimes too. I get her gifts but I never give her money. I will never give her money just because. Not until she’s at home caring for my kids. (That we don’t have yet)

31. Sex will tell you

32. Reciprocation.
    If no reciprocation, you’re probably being used.

33. Sounds like a gold digger if that is her MO

34. The reasons why you’re dating her. Are you there to provide food and money so you can fuck a vapid bag of flesh?

35. In my world this constitutes gold digging.