Hi, thank you in advance for reading and I’m hoping to get some outside opinions on this.
I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (31M) for almost a year now. We met at work and our relationship in general is amazing. We have fun together , our sex life is great and we very rarely argue.
We decided to move in together a few months ago. He lived an hour away from me and the travelling seemed silly. We missed each other when we were apart and it made sense. So far it has worked very well.
Onto the issue. My boyfriend has a son from his last relationship (age 3). He is a lovely little boy and I enjoy spending time with him. He has become very attached to me and we have a great friendship. He adores my boyfriend and he is always excited to come and see us. We currently have him every other weekend.
The issue is his ex partner. To put it simply this woman is evil. She fell pregnant very early on into their relationship. She refused to work before and throughout the pregnancy leaving my boyfriend to solely fund their lives. Once she had the baby she suffered with postpartum depression (which I appreciate is tough) but refused to resolve this in any way. This left my boyfriend doing everything for the baby. He did night feeds and early morning wake ups whilst she did nothing but give him orders. He was able to be around as at the time he was working for himself. He was unable to see friends as she didn’t like them, he was unable to even shower most days as he didn’t find the time. She would wake up at 11am while he was up at 5am and she would do no housework on top of not caring for the baby – leaving all to fall on his shoulders.
My boyfriends dad passed away when the baby was only a few months old and left behind a large inheritance. He was not allowed to attend the wake for his father due to her fears of covid, so he didn’t get to say goodbye to such an important person in his life and was unable to support his grieving mother. My boyfriend was able to purchase a property with this money. He put half of the property deeds in her name because as he puts it he wanted to give his son the life he’d had. Two parents together. A few months after they had moved into the property he found himself completely burnt out with a failing business and lost the plot slightly. He shouted at her and told her he needs help. She countered this by saying that he was to blame for her not having a bond with her son and she ended the relationship. They continued living in the house together as she would not leave and when boyfriend attempted to leave she would threaten him and say that if he left and stopped paying the bills he would never see his son again.
A month after the separation , she had a new boyfriend and she asked if he could move in as he had a difficult home situation himself. My partner agreed as he thought it would keep her away from him and stop the constant fighting between them. During this time he was paying 100% of the house hold bills, doing all the childcare and was being physically dragged out of bed to do household chores when he wanted to sleep. Madness I know but he was broken. The 3 of them proceeded to live in the house for another 8 months before my boyfriends best friend told him enough was enough and he needed to come and stay with him and his wife until he could rent somewhere of his own.
She would not sell the property as it is their sons home and lives in the property with her new partner completely rent/mortgage free to this day.
My boyfriend began working for my company as his business went into administration and that’s how we met.
At the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend was not able to see his son. She had blocked access as he had moved out and was no longer there so she had to step up and be a mother to her own son. She allowed him to see his son again when he fell ill and she didn’t know what doctors he had been registered to. She had to call my boyfriend. He was then allowed to take him out for a few hours every Saturday.
This went on until at around 1:30am one morning she called my boyfriend in tears and asked him to come and pick up their son as her partner had accidentally killed their puppy during an altercation with her sister. He was arrested.
After this my boyfriend was allowed to have his son stay with him every other weekend.
At this point we had discussed me moving in with him and we went ahead with it. His son took to me very quickly and was happy to see me when he come in.
My boyfriend did not tell her about me. His reasoning was he had been through so much hell and did not want to give her reason to withhold access again.
A few weeks later she moved the dog killer back into the house presumably because he paid the household bills and she still refuses to work herself.
A few months went by with no dramas. My boyfriends son is coming along with his speech very well and we decided it was time to tell her we were together. We did twist the truth and tell her that I had not yet moved and in and had not yet met their son. She was initially ok with this. She then proceeded to kick off days later mostly about my age and demanded to meet me. I agreed as i can understand her wanting to know the person caring for her son although I was apprehensive as her behaviour so far has been disgraceful. We met and she was clearly nervous. I believe she knows what she’s put my partner through is awful and that I would have a pre conceived idea of her. She was polite enough and I was friendly.
My problem now is I’m unsure that this is what I want. I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world, he is perfect. Since being together he has built his relationships back up with the friends she took from him , he is seeing his mum more regularly which previously he was not able to do. He’s picked his hobbies back up and he is so much more confident than he was when we got together. His son is lovely , I adore him and he does me.
I just don’t know if I can stand to have this woman in my life. I appreciate she is his sons mother and will have to be around so that he can maintain a relationship with his son. She emotionally abused him, isolated him from the world and turned him into a shell of himself. She will not move out of the house he paid for with his dads money. She is legally entitled to half due to the deeds. I cannot understand how she has the audacity to think that this is ok. Upon a sale he would at least get half back which is not good enough as I or any decent person would have given him the full amount as soon as the relationship ended. He is working with a solicitor to look at options at forcing a sale or having a rental agreement put in to get some of this money back.
She frequently causes drama if she is unhappy with something. His face drops when his phone rings and she is calling. He’s been in tears and broken over this so much and it is devastating for me to watch. I want her to disappear. I’m angry that such a nasty person is able to go through life and get away with what she’s done and that she is still able to inflict pain onto my boyfriend. I know I can’t get rid of her so what do I do? I don’t want to end my relationship as we are happy together and aside from this have no issues at all. What do I do ??