Me [23F] and bf [32M] of over 2 years have had a rough 2nd year of our relationship. We’re working on stuff now, but we were broken up for a month.
Anyways it’s been 2 months since we’ve been back together and things were really perfect for the first month, but tbh the 2nd month is going to shii…. We’re devolving into old patterns, he’s really stubborn, and doesn’t really ever seem to understand me, or if he does, it doesn’t seem like he cares.
Obviously I’m not perfect either, I’m in therapy but a lot of my problems stem from when I bring up an issue to him,
I’m very critical and passive aggressive. Therapy has kind of helped, but honestly I lack self control in the moment.
The fights are once again starting to get more and more frequent, and I’m finding myself overly stressed again. I also know I don’t want to live this way forever, I’m just not sure how to tell if it’s the end…?
I know he really loves me and cares about me, he shows me in different ways. He has his sh**ty traits, just like I do, but man, I’m finding it hard to stand him. Staying over at his place on weekends is starting to make me uncomfortable and stress me out.
When is it time to accept it’s time to move on, and how do you tell? I feel like if I end it, I possibly missed out on something that might have turned into a really good & fulfilling relationship again?
TLDR: Fighting a lot the 2nd month after getting back with my bf of 2 years after a break up. I’m very critical and passive aggressive, he does shit that pisses me off and feels like I shouldn’t be mad over it, causing me to be even more hostile cuz i’m invalidated. Is there hope?
5 comments
When you can’t actually resolve the issue you are fighting about, then it is time to break up. Resolving the issue may mean agreeing to disagree. It may not be resolved immediately, and you may agree on a plan to try to fix the problem with the intent to see if it works, and then try something else if it does not. But when you can’t fix a problem, and you don’t have any plan to fix it, then the relationship is over. But either you find a path you can both be happy with together, or you agree you are not happy together and you break up.
Consider what you just told us:
You don’t like being around him.
You’re your worst self around him.
He’s indifferent or clueless or both.
You fight a significant amount.
I get that people can have endearing traits, and of course being alone can be frightening. But being alone is better than being in the wrong relationship.
And your description leaves little doubt that this is the wrong relationship for you.
> I feel like if I end it, I possibly missed out on something that might have turned into a really good & fulfilling relationship again?
In my experience, relationships don’t really go from shitty to good. Usually they either tend to go on the decline and then plateau at an unsatisfying level, or they just start good and stay good. Typically if the relationship turns bad and there’s a bunch of fighting, it’s because there is some underlying incompatibility that is not possible (or worth it) to overcome.
You can care about someone while also recognizing that they aren’t someone you are romantically compatible with.
You have already given this relationship a second chance, and it sounds like it’s truly not working. u/DiTrastevere wrote an excellent comment on this topic [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/11o751a/comment/jbrhcer/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). You should read it all, but I want to highlight this part:
>Nobody’s making meaningful, lasting changes to their mental health, their maturity, or their life circumstances in a month, or even several months. The problems that led to the breakup didn’t develop overnight, and they won’t be fixed overnight either.
If you have to ask, there’s your answer. People don’t wonder “am I finally happy in this relationship?” No. They just are. Unless you really like it shitty, I suggest getting out.