I have been seeing my gf for about a year now. We started off as FWB and eventually I was given an ultimatum because she admitted to having feelings for me. I agreed to give it a shot and so here we are.
I have had only had one relationship in the past and it felt very fairy tale like. I would get the butterflies when around her, when I first kissed her I remember a very specific feeling coming over me. I remember thinking to myself this is what love is. None of this I feel or have felt for my current girlfriend.
I love my current gf in a different way. In my past relationship I was abusive and mean, I was manipulative when I didn’t get my way. I am no longer like this with my current gf.
I just can’t seem to shake off the fact that I don’t feel for her what I felt for my first. I obviously can never tell her this, she says she loves me and that she has never felt this way about anyone else in her life. She is a nurse and she is amazing, she has life goals, a career, and is an amazing cook. She prioritizes my needs and I prioritize hers. She makes me want to be the best version of myself for her. I told her about my first relationship and what an asshole I was and how I want to be better for her, yet every day I have this nagging sensation that if I truly loved her I would feel it. I feel she deserves better, someone who can love her the same way she loves me, a feeling of love that is reciprocal.
I really want to make things work with her, but apart of me emotionally is just not there nor has ever been there. Little things she does is starting to bother me that didn’t before. She has always been very emotional and yesterday she cried more than once because of random reasons and I told her that I couldn’t do this. That her crying was breaking me down and that I don’t want to be with someone who is constantly crying over mundane things (in the past I would console her).
I really don’t know if I’ve ever loved her, or if I’m just fooling myself into believing I do just because she is everything I look for in a partner and our interests just line up/we both know what we want out of life.
1 comment
After enough people I stopped getting butterflies for new people after 23/24ish.
I also think that’s normal from about every other I guy I know in the same boat.
At a certain point you grow beyond the hormones and don’t need those.
She either meets what you need or she doesn’t, and you are free to change your mind at any point.
I think you aren’t sure where she falls short, and trust me I don’t think you are/did anything too bad. We need breaks too( best to be kind while you say you need to go out for a bit).
Taking away the butterflies where do you think it’s missing?