I (29/M) not sure how I should proceed with my girlfriend (26/F) after 4 years of relationship

Backstory:

4 years ago I was back at my home country after working abroad for 3 years as a software dev.

I remember feeling very lonely throughout my time living abroad. So when I came back to my home country I chose the capital to live in where I didn’t know anyone so I downloaded tinder.

Started swiping left and right until after a few weeks I met my current gf. I liked that she was humble, seemed to have decent values, there was some attraction, sex was decent. We didn’t have much in common though, but I decided that I want to proceed to get serious with her and build a future on the fact that she has good values and maybe I will help her to grow, so we started dating.

We were dating for around 2-3 months and I liked that she showed me around the city and also was constantly offering lots of activities, sex was also like I said decent and after around 3-4 months of relationship I offered to move in together.

Fast forward 4 years:

I don’t like so many things about her, for example:

1. She doesn’t have any close friends to hang out or to talk about her life and do girl things together
2. She doesn’t have any hobbies
3. She can’t cook. I mean she tries but food basically has no taste. Even after watching hundreds of episodes about cooking.
4. She gained like 50lbs
5. She nags me constantly about lack of attention, affection and about lack of sex
6. She began pressuring me for us to get married and have kids. Pressure is coming from her two married sisters, from her mother and also she scrolls insta daily where all her uni friends are getting married and have babies.

So basically we are at this point where we either get serious, postpone the decision for a year at maximum or breakup now. And I’m not sure what I should do.

I’m not exactly a golden boyfriend myself, things that I don’t like about myself:

1. I have ADHD. I can’t get excited about normal things, I only have a specific range of interests and basically could spend all of my time inside home without going out.
2. I’m a stressed out workaholic
3. Im at least 60lbs overweight
4. I Have zero libido, we have a dead bedroom (my girlfriend likes having sex but for me it’s been a chore for the past year and maybe more, we do it max once a week). That is impacting our relationship but I can’t change much about this at the moment. Since I’m constantly stressed out, I could barely get it up even if she was 10 out of 10 (and I had that experience in the past already). But she takes it very personally and started to get resentful about that.
5. I’m not romantic or very affectionate at all, only doing boyfriend things like flowers or movies on national holidays
6. I never plan any activities for me and my gf to do together. I never surprise her. I simply don’t have the energy for that. I do the boyfriend stuff like flowers and movies on national holidays but that feel like a chore, not like something I really look forward to.

So what I think happened is those 3 years abroad messed me up and I came back to my country very lonely and with really low standards.

I knew from the start that we barely had anything in common with this girl, but I’ve liked that she felt like a safe choice because I could trust her and she would never betray me. I hoped that she will become more like me and we’l have more interesting things to do or talk about, but lately we barely have anything in common. Basically I feel now that she doesn’t have anything to offer to me, other than suffocating companionship just so I wouldn’t feel alone. But I’m too young to settle for that.

Nowadays all I feel is that I’m shouldering all of the responsibility myself:

1. 2 years ago I saved up enough to get a mortgage and I felt serious about her so I put her name on papers even though I financed the whole thing. Moving in required taking up additional debt that I’m working hard to pay off I’m stressed because of that ever since.
2. Since I make good money, for the past 4 years 85% of the time what we eat is takeaway that I order
3. I finance all vacations and trips abroad
4. 2 years ago we got a dog that she wanted but I’m the one who’s taking care of the dog 90% of the time.

What doesn’t help is that she broke her leg 4 weeks ago and since then we are stuck together in home working from home together. I feel like I’m loosing my mind. I was able to cope with this relationship when I had 10-11 hours to myself everyday of working/alone time, but now I don’t have that anymore.

My only alone time right now staying up late until 3-4am, binge eating, binge watching tv shows, drinking alcohol and knocking myself out with a xanax so I could sleep. I like going to sleep when she’s asleep because I know she won’t force me to have sex with her. During the day I rely on caffeine and cigarettes to numb my emotions so that I wouldn’t be suffocated emotionally with constant emotional/household needs during the day and I could enter workmode where I’m able to do some actual work. That’s how I live now.

Right now my dream is that in 2-3 weeks her leg heals completely and she goes back to working in the office, then I will regain my alone time and hopefully will be able to drop the bad habits that I’m using to cope now and hopefully I will feel better.

But lately Ive been thinking, how we are going to live together in the future if he get married and have babies, If I’m loosing my mind by just staying with her together stuck in home for few weeks? I’m bored of her. I feel like her father, not like her potential husband. I know partially it’s my fault, because I got myself into this state, partially it’s my ADHD that impacts my emotions and I’m not really able to form long lasting relationships with anyone. Maybe if I learn how to relax, fix my habits, regain my alone time for recovery, maybe then I will be able to look at this situation from a better perspective when I will have more clarity. But right now, everything has added up. If you add havin a kid to this equation with all of the additional stress that comes to it I would go crazy. Seriously. I feel totally hopeless and not ready for getting married or having kids because that just means more extra work, with more extra nagging. I don’t know what to do. Any opinions or advices welcome.

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**tl;dr**: I’m struggling with my relationship of 4 years with my girlfriend who I no longer feel connected to. Maybe it’s because I’ve been very stressed and overwhelmed lately since I’ve been taking care of her because she broke her leg few weeks ago and now we spend all of our time working and living from home.

However I feel that we have different values and interests, we have a dead bedroom mainly because I have zero libido due to stress and probably due to the fact that both of us gained a lot of weight in the past 4 years, I don’t know. Also she constantly nags me about attention and sex while also pressuring me to get married and have kids.

I have my own issues to deal with and feel like I’m shouldering all the responsibilities in the relationship when I barely can take care of myself. How should I proceed?