We’ve been dating for around 8 years. Lately things haven’t been super great. There’s been a lot of negative feelings towards our relationship and even thoughts of breaking up.
However I feel like I have so much love for him even though he says and does hurtful things.
With that information…I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of things that he does that seem to annoy me lately, even things that are just out of his control.
Sometimes when he’s watching YouTube or something and he bursts out laughing..I used to love it. Love knowing he was having a good time. Now? I HATE his cackle. To the point where when he does it in public I’m embarrassed. But it’s his laugh, I shouldn’t hate it.
Today he was talking to me and his mouth was somewhat dry..kinda cotton mouth-y. Again, not really intentional but I was SO bothered I had to stop talking to him.
He farts a lot. So what. That’s fine it’s natural and never bothered me. Now? I can’t stand it. I’m in the kitchen and he comes to grab something or do something…I leave.
I find myself so annoyed with every little thing he does and somewhat just repulsed.
I struggle a lot with figuring out what I want out of the relationship. To end it or to continue. There’s alot I just can’t get over and forget about but he’s all I’ve known for my entire 20s.
Is this my brain subconsciously telling me that I need to move on? Is there a reason for this? Is this what they call the 7 year itch?
Tl;dr everything my boyfriend does annoys me.
6 comments
>Is this my brain subconsciously telling me that I need to move on?
If your partner is repulsing you, it’s time to move on.
Yes, this effect tends to be caused by other, bigger problems, and you are over him. It’s not his laugh that is the problem, as you now. It’s that you are fed up with him, for whatever reason. You’re at the point where you are going to be getting bitter and angry. I highly recommend you break up before you risk acting on those feelings in ways you will regret. Because while it’s fine to break up with him, you don’t want to take your annoyance at his laugh and so forth out on him. That isn’t fair to him. And you will probably feel bad about having become someone who would do that.
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**The 7 year itch isn’t alway 7 years…**
Your brain isn’t subconsciously telling you anything. There is no magic voice in your head that drives you around without telling you what its doing. You do have a very real voice in your head that knows you are about to turn 30, have put nearly a decade into a relationship and YOU want to know – is this it? Is this the best I can do?
Those thoughts of not doing enough or going far enough, or not being the person you thought you would be… well, it’s easier for you to look at him and hate stuff than for you to face those answers.
So take a short cut.
When you turn 30, what do you want your life to look like?
White picket fence? Wedding ring? Kids? Career? Travel the globe? Dancing till midnight? What do you want?
Can he get you there? If the answer is yes, then you work on your relationship, tell him what you want and if he is on board, you grab his hand and run towards that.
If he can’t or won’t – you very well may need to be single. There is no promise you’ll get there without him, but if you are sure you won’t do it with him, why stay?
You don’t really hate his laugh, you hate not knowing if this is the best you can do.
>even though he says and does hurtful things.
You breezed past this and only gave examples of the little things that annoy you. These surely can’t be the hurtful things he says and does. I have to wonder if you consciously or subconsciously don’t want to deal with hurtful things, so your feelings are focused on the small annoyances that seem easier to acknowledge.
What does he do and say that hurt you? That is probably why you’re feeling like the relationship may have run its course, not his cackle or his farts.
You’re repulsed by your own boyfriend, but you don’t want to leave because you spent your 20s with him. Surely you don’t want to wake up in 10 years and realize that you’ve *also* spent your 30s with him?