Context, I’m a first gen, low income student with immigrant non-English speaking parents, and basically have never spoken to adults in a professional context or with english causally. I’ve never been good at making small talk with adults, and whenever I did it always felt uncomfortable. With teachers, I could never actually talk to them as humans but only as teachers, and I was only able to get referrals from the teachers who saw me as the sweet quiet student. However, we rarely even talked about anything, all I did was say Hi sometimes or ask questions about the class, but I never cracked a joke or made a genuine connection. It’s really hard for me to do that. I know that growing up with my background shouldn’t even be an excuse, but more of an environmental issue/social issue. During these networking events, I don’t know how to talk to them without sounding stiff and too formal. I see the way my peers talk and they seem so relaxed. They are full of energy and somehow act formal while also being so likeable, and I get envious everytime. I attend a more prestigious college, so many of my peers have grown up with successful adults around them, working at companies, etc. I never knew an adult like that, so going into these interactions feels so scary. I don’t know how much informal is too much, and I’m terrible at seeming fun and likeable but also smart. I’m not that scared to talk to them but I feel like a robot when I do and that they don’t really feel a connection with me. I’m not sure what to do, any tips? I’ve been to around 4 of these networking events within a year, and I just attended one today and felt shitty again.
1 comment
Networking events freshman year eh. I can see that prestigious colleges are indeed different than state colleges and the “leg up” affluent kids get. How interesting.
The only way to get that level of casual but professional is to see the humanity in it. They are insecure about stuff too, they aren’t probably as smart as you think they are, their socks get dirty and they have had diarrhea. But you mustn’t resent them for their position or want much out of them.
I also think these things operate by everyone having something to offer… and you’re a college student, so I’d assume that is free labor, but you can’t be desperate to give it… or something like that…. I don’t know, I’m not fancy. I have half a mind to go down to my local university though and ask some of the professors there about how to get projects funded. I got some great ideas, better than their ideas, I’ve been online and read their ideas…. but maybe they had big ideas too and found they had to settle for medium ideas because of budget constraints, politics, and conservative ideas.
Tell you what, places like Harvard don’t run nearly as well as you think they do. I once worked for a college preparatory high-school that had some of the best and brightest in the country, many of these kids go to Ivy league schools. A lot of the technology and infrastructure at that school was shit. Yale probably has old half broken photocopiers and budget constraints that frustrate the staff, and the head of department could be a embarrassing petty try to be tyrant that nobody takes seriously. Some stuff is probably fancy and works well though.
The low income experience is very different from the affluent one, and I don’t think I’d do well in your situation at that age. I do know that their status means nothing to me, a bit of luck mostly, and that is how to get rid of feeling inadequate. The prestige is a fake show that only works because they believe in it, which is sad, that is how you get over worrying about how you present yourself. Lastly, they are just humans, with most of the inadequacy and doubts you have, this is how you approach them compassionately and as humans. There are other strategies.
What do you think of this? Does it make any sense or seem at all accurate or useful?