Hi everybody!
A little context: my last relationship (ended about 1 year ago) was very toxic in the beginning (as in she didn’t want me to look at other girls because it made her insecure) but we worked that out and in the end she was even pointing out other attractive girls. We ended up breaking up for other reasons.
Now, I met my current girlfriend about 6 months ago and made it official about one month ago. On women’s day (march 8) one of the bars we usually go to held a male and female str\*p show. We arrived late and only the guy was performing. All girls’, including my girlfriend, eyes were glowing as the guy spanked random girls (which also happened to be friends of mine) from the crowd. I started feeling sick because I felt like my girlfriend was lusting for another guy in front of me and was even afraid she wouldn’t refuse if he pulled her in to be spanked.
She had recently said that she didn’t watch p\*rn anymore because she didn’t feel the urge/need to and I guess I thought she didn’t even find other people attractive since I have felt that way before. As I was watching I felt that if it was a girl str\*pping I wouldn’t even want to look. Neither of us had ever been to a show like that and I didn’t think that I would feel the way I did. I don’t think I was jealous of the guys looks and my girlfriend even described the guy as ugly but with a nice body to some friends who asked us about the event (I don’t want to sound douchey but personally I think I am more attractive than the guy who was performing so I really don’t think it comes down to looks).
We talked about it and she said that she wouldn’t let the guy pull her in even if she was single because she is shy and everybody was watching. That didn’t really settle my mind because it feels like it is only because she is shy and not out of respect for me.
So yesterday we were watching a movie and she said that some actor was really hot and it made me feel bad. Now I feel like I am the one in the place of my exgirlfriend in my previous relationship and being toxic.
I don’t think she did anything wrong nor do I think this justifies breaking up. Do you have any tips to cope?
TLDR: Me and my girlfriend went to a str\*p show for the first time but arrived late and only saw the guy undressing. I wasn’t expecting it but I felt sick from seeing her enjoying watching it and now I even feel insecure when she compliments actors in movies.
5 comments
It’s an immaturity and insecurity thing and it passes as you get older. I couldn’t really care who my wife fancies off the TV now. What does it achieve? If she wants to leave me she will, if I don’t like her behaviour I’ll leave. Better to chill out and be enjoyable to be around so they want to be with you is my view now.
But 20 years ago I would have totally got you
Well you’ve learned a lesson. Talking to your partner about things like this bothers SOME people. It bothered your ex. Now it bothers you. It would bother me. I personally don’t think it’s about insecurity. To me it’s more about disrespect. Yeah loads of people are hot. But would your partner need to hear about that from you?
Tell her it bothers you.
So, you forced your previous gf into being ok with you lusting over other people and now you’re hurt cuz you’re getting the same treatment? 💀💀 You’re an insecure hypocrite and there’s honestly not much you can do except of getting over it or perhaps letting her know.
I don’t know what you intend to gain from these thoughts, she has the right to like the way other people look, what she doesn’t have is the right to act towards these people, while she is in a relationship with you, you need to relax a little. little.
Listen, you don’t know if she’s the person who’s going to be with you for the rest of your life, nobody knows, you’re going to have to trust her, that’s all, and if she finds someone else, if it has to happen, it will happen regardless whether you want it or not, but now you let these thoughts take over your relationship, that depends on you, I usually say that loving is a choice, maybe you should talk to your parents about it, I imagine you have contact with them and they are married for some time, listen to their advice, even if they are not married, they have the experience of life, they can teach you how to let go of these ideas, in addition, you can always seek professional help, you can talk to your girlfriend but the problem with that it’s just that she may think you don’t trust her, seriously the fact that she finds someone else attractive means absolutely nothing, that’s totally normal And the reason is simple she chose to be with you.