My husband calls me a wh\*re whenever I wear something revealing, I am only 24 and I’m very comfortable in my body, I have always dressed this way and he has never said anything. He told me he liked it when we first met. I was wearing a mini skirt a few days ago and he said “you’re not going out in that, you wh\*re” and then stood in front of me and said “I will lock you in the house, and not let you go outside“ I was kind of taken back by this as I can’t tell if he is joking or not. I have asked him why he feels this way all of a sudden when I’ve always wore skirts and he says he knows that other men will like seeing me this way because I look sexy and he doesn’t want that because I’m his and no one else’s, and that no one else should see me looking attractive. He also called me a wh\*re yesterday because I was wearing shorts. Now I’m kinda anxious to even get dressed as I know he will comment on it, I just don’t understand where this has come from.
Is he being unreasonable or not? Or should I start dressing down?
42 comments
He is not being reasonable
Holy shit… your post history
>Is he being unreasonable or not?
“Unreasonable” doesn’t begin to describe it. He’s being abusive.
Make a careful plan to get away.
>Is he being unreasonable or not? Or should I start dressing down?
He’s being controlling and very unreasonable. He needs to sort his insecurities out and trust you. Shouldn’t matter at all if people check you out when you’re out and about. What matters is that you trust each other. Without that things like him being immature and calling you derogatory names like whore will happen. This is a him problem not the way you’re dressing problem.
Don’t ignore anymore red flags, he is abusive. Him calling you whore is extremely inappropriate, unreasonable and disrespectful. Him saying he won’t let you go outside is horrifying. He hits you… you need to leave. There is nothing you can do to make him love and respect you. Please speak to your friends and family, get a therapist and a lawyer.
Edit: I also have BPD so trust me I understand. Your brain will keep giving you reasons to stay, but choosing to leave is the only right answer. How often he hurts you doesn’t matter, it’s the fact he has. Please fight for yourself and reach out to family, it doesn’t matter how far they are. Take things step by step, you can find a job once you’re safe.
Omfg… run
The problem isn’t what you wear……it’s that you’re married to a person who thinks calling you a whore is okay.
Divorce that guy and find a guy who likes you for you.
People will sexualize you no matter what you wear…. so he is suffering from serious insecurity issues and projecting it as abuse
Not a loving relationship
He’s controlling and abusive. You have free will to be who you are. Of course, we can’t betray our partners, that’s understood. But you are not betraying, you are a doing what any 24 year old female with a nice figure is likely to do. Now you are nervous getting dressed which proves the damage he is doing. Stand up now and tell him to cut the crap. You guys won’t make it if he doesn’t.
> I’m his and no one else’s,
You are yours first and not his to control. He is controlling and abusive, you don’t talk to your spouse like that. Tom many red flags, time to go.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He’s being 100% unreasonable. The possessiveness and threatening to lock you in the house is terrifying and I worry for your safety. Please let your friends and family know what’s going on and see if you can stay with one of them.
This is an abusive relationship, please get yourself safe and leave this person.
OP please keep yourself safe. Calling you names it’s extremely abusive, his threats are abusive as well and he already hit you… this man doesn’t love you, he wants a punching bag. Beware because the abuse will continue in many other ways. If you don’t have money seek help in a woman’s organization I don’t know if near your hometown there’s one many of them can provide legal advice or at least help you to know how to protect yourself from him. Please don’t stay and protect yourself you worth and deserve so much more.
OP you need to leave this person for your own safety. You deserve to be treated better
Very abusive and scary.. I wonder since it’s fairly sudden if he’s projecting.. any chance he could be having an affair? Either way, I’d get away from that behavior, it’s pretty much bottom of the barrel disrespect to ever say that to anyone you care about let alone your own wife.
🚩
He is being controling and abusive. It starts with this then it will be to distance yourself from people and just cater to him.
I suggest to really think if it’s worth it . And make an escape plan if needed.
If my own husband would ever called me a whore based on what I’m wearing I would have been out of there. There are different ways to discuss clothing. And the fact that he has an issue now, and not before shows he’s hidden this. And that actually he thought like this from the beginning.
Sounds like he planned to act nice etc to marry you and now he is showing his true colours.
Thousands of women are murdered by their spouses every year. If you don’t leave this man ASAP, you will be one of them.
Do you have any friends or family you can call today?
When I wear slutty or revealing things my husband says things like “you’re so gorgeous” and “other men are going to be jealous of me” and “you look so confident and sexy”
Find a new man. This one is abusing you
Sounds like my ex husband. He is abusive. Usually stems from his insecurities but regardless, NOTHING makes that okay. You should consider leaving ASAP
He is abusive towards you – the minimum he needs is a therapy (and a divorce) . If all posts you posted are true, you need to get away from this abusive relationship asap and also get some help.
Wake up. Wake up. Or you’re gonna find yourself, 5 years from now, a shell of a person.
He’s awful. And he treats you like garbage.
This isn’t love.
It’s an insecure man with a hideous personality treating the person he’s supposed to love like property.
You’re not property. You’re more than your body or what you wear.
If he breaks you down, you won’t ever wake up and realize your value and worth are not determined by him.
Please wake up.
Yeah my last husband called me a whore and guess what? He was cheating on me the entire time.
You need to push back hard. He sounds abusive and you need to explain to him he’s being abusive and he’s either got to stop or he’ll be single. You don’t belong to anyone. Married or not.
ETA: read your post history. Make a plan and escape.
Your husband is abusive and you need to contact the domestic violence helpline to escape safely.
He called you a whore for wearing shorts?
Umm, no. That isn’t reasonable. This guy sounds like an abuser, and he has abused you, and that isn’t acceptable.
Hi I am a red flag. 🚩
OMG that’s terrifying. He does NOT own you. Please go someplace safe and stay away.
You should start packing your things. This is how people get chained up in the basement for years.
Dude, I don’t care if you’re walking out with your fucking labias hanging out, he shouldn’t be calling you that.
You deserve so much better than this man. I suggest you check out r/emotionalabuse as it may be enlightening for you.
Hey girl, you need to get out of this relationship. He is not treating you in a kind or respectful manner. My husband has *never* hit me not called me a whore or anything even remotely that disrespectful.
OP, I am begging you to PLEASE read these resources:
[What is the Cycle of Abuse?](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/what-is-the-cycle-of-abuse)
[How to Leave an Abusive Relationship](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm)
[National Resource Center on Domestic Violence](https://www.nrcdv.org/contact-us) NOTE: These resources are free.
Please work towards leaving OP. You deserve better.
After peeking at your post history, it’s obvious husband is an abusive sack of shit. You need to leave him immediately.
Oh my God. Run. For real. Now.
*”Now I’m kinda anxious to even get dressed as I know he will comment on it”*
This is the precise outcome he hoped for.
Today you don’t know what to wear, tomorrow you won’t know what to say, then you won’t know what to do.
He has already threatened physical abuse by locking you up.His verbal aggressions are to control you. You don’t know where it’s coming from because he hid this part of himself from you. He thinks you will tolerate slowly escalating abuses because you view marriage as too strong a commitment to back out of. It isn’t.
Find the support & strength to leave.
I think you should look into [this post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ebbie45/comments/gses1k/comprehensive_abuse_resources_compilation_now/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by u/Ebbie45 and maybe look into r/abusiverelationships
It is absolutely not ok for your husband to call you a whore, control what you wear or keep you locked in (or out of) the house.
I saw that you said you was in an extremely abusive relationship before, and it’s so easy to compare and think things are fine because they’re not “as bad”. Your husband is also abusive, even if he isn’t abusive in the same way or as extremely as your ex.
Please take care of yourself, you deserve so much better than this. I really think you’re in a dangerous situation, your husband is not safe. Try to find support and help to get away from him.
Wish you all the best.
Your post history. Holy crap. Get rid of the whole man. In the trash he goes.
OP we are all scared for you. You should be scared for yourself. Please learn the numbers to a shelter or other organization that can help you when you finally see how bad this man is. I hope it won’t be too late.
Make a plan and escape. DO NOT let him know you’re planning on leaving. Be prepared for the “honeymoon” phase once you do leave (promising to change, love bombing you, etc). If it’s possible, move as far away as you can (another state would be great). Change your number. Change your workplace. Block him and all his friends/family/mutual acquaintances on social media. Get a restraining order. Yes, it sounds like a lot but abusers do not like losing control of their abused and he will go to extremes to keep you under his control. Please do this before he realizes you want out and knocks you up. As someone who has been through it, it won’t ever get better. It’ll only get worse. Save your own life and get away. Then get into counseling to figure out why you go for these guys and work on yourself so you don’t get into another abusive relationship. This is not normal behavior and you deserve to be treated with respect and love. Message me if you want. Statistically, it takes an abused woman leaving 7 times before she will actually get away from an abusive partner. I’m one of those statistics. Don’t be one. You’re strong and you can do it. It’ll be easier to do it now then when you have kids and are more invested.
You are young. Take it from me, RUN. As fast as you can. This will get worse and dangerous and absolutely soul crushing.
Is his politic/religious views conservative/Christian? They’re on some hand maid shit so, under his eye. Praise be.
I am so sorry. You’re married to a violent abuser. You already know this deep inside, but you must make a plan to safely leave this relationship.
Call your family to come get you. File a police report. If he’s in the military, report him to his superiors. Get OUT of the house ASAP. Alcohol doesn’t turn someone into an abuser, it lowers the inhibitions that normally keep the abuse in. He WILL do this again and you’ll wind up a battered wife, hospitalized or dead.