We have been dating for 3 years. We have a friend group we often all hang out with. And there’s one guy in there that’s relevant. He called me one day. and told me to come to his house alone.
When I came. He told me he had to show me something. He took out his phone and showed me text messages. From my girlfriend.
She told him she was in love with him. Spilled out her heart for him. And said would break up with me if he was willing to be with her. He declined. It seems she almost certainly thought he felt the same for her and “misread signs”. So she then told him to pretend the conversation never happened. And never let me know because “I guess I can stay with him then. He isn’t that bad”.
He lied to her and said he wouldn’t tell me so she wouldn’t get the chance to try to gaslight me in advance into thinking he was making stuff up.
Now i am thinking about what to do. How to confront her about this. And how to (most likely)break up with her. I’m worried though if I handle it wrong that it will destroy our friend group. Any tips?
TLDR: girlfriend confessed to a friend and wanted to get with him. Backtracked when she rejected him and called me “not that bad”.
36 comments
Ask your friend if it’s ok to disclose he showed the messages. If he agrees, just say that.
Clearly you have to break up with her. As for the friends group; you’re unquestionably in the right. Anyone who takes her side isn’t worth continuing to pretend you’re friends with
Don’t confront her, act normal and suddenly ghost her 1-3 months later so the other dude who helped you doesn’t get blamed.
Make sure to screw other chicks in the meantime if you get the opportunity.
That’s what I’d do.
“I fell in love with someone else and they are giving me a chance come get your stuff later thanks”
Just kidding that’s toxic but she doesn’t deserve your respect but atleast now you have time to process and leave when you are head strong and not be emotional.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. When you confront/break up with her, make sure you get a recording of it just in case she tries to spin what happened or accuses you of anything. Better to be safe than sorry. Also, if you haven’t already, get screenshots of the messages your friend showed you. Good luck!
Congratulation. You have a true friend. Also, be glad you found out before you got married to that thing. I find it disrespectful. Break up with her. The relationship is over. She does not respect you, no matter what she will say to you.
Do you live with her? Plan you exit first. Do it when she least expect it and let her come home to a half empty apartment. It sends a clear message that you will not be disrespected and made a fool of. Also control the narrative. Be truthful about why you broke up with her.
Screw the friend group, you’re not 13 anymore. Break up with her and tell everyone in the group via an email what happened. Then you will know who your true friends are. And compared with you getting rid of a disloyal girlfriend, it’s way down the list of things that matter.
Stop worrying about the fall out. Tell her you know what she did. Dump her. DO NOT LISTEN TO HER EXCUSES. DO NOT ENGAGE IN AN ARGUMENT. DO NOT HAVE THE CONVERSATION ON WHY BLAH BLAH BLAH. Just dump her and quickly walk. Make it short and sweet and walk away.
Wow dude, harsh.
Like, every guy wants to be “not that bad.” to the love of his life.
So, get screen shots of the messages. Be ready to post them if you need to.
Your next bit depends on how quiet you wanna go. Quiet would be to just phase out. Loud would be to confront her in front of the friend group, intervention style. Since you said there are people closer to her, you might wanna phase, but up to you. IDK that I would want that friend group if they would take a cheater over me, anyway.
Tell her that you can’t continue being with her that you have a feeling that she don’t have you in front of her mind and leave. Relationship is not by force it is by choice.
If i were you I’d pretend to be gay and y’all can pretend y’all been dating the whole time because not only are you gay but you’re with the guy “she loves”
Honestly just dump her don’t give her a reason, she’ll always wonder why.
ETA just read comments about friend group so change my advice. Let them know, if they choose her then you know where you stand. She wasn’t worried about you if he had taken her up on her offer, so don’t feel you need to worry about her.
The friends who stick with you are the friends you want in your life. Fuck the rest of them. You’re not in middle school anymore, you can make new friends.
I’m 31 and my circle is very small but they’re all top quality people and I’ll take that over a big circle of friends who are just ok.
What to do? You dump her. If you’re really worried about the friend group just say you’re no longer feeling it, but I wouldn’t worry about the group. She’s the one who tried to fuck you over.
You understand from her words, she was super willing to end the relationship, as long as the friend accepted her, I think you should keep the story to you and your friend without confrontation, end on good terms with her, maintain a “friendship” ” with her, and don’t tell her friend did.
Breakup with her. She doesn’t know what she wants anymore, maybe keep in touch with her but shes not worth dragging your self over, after she doing this. She see’s you as a safety net, she should have told you first. She just crossed the line by a bit – but a line is a line. Borderline cheating.
Remember to always respect yourself first before anyone. Your friend is one hell of a loyal and respectable guys. Up most respect for those fellas.
Such a non issue. Are you seriously worried about the friend group? You’re going to expose her anyway right? So stop stalling to create drama. Just do it & let the chips fall where they may.
At the end if the day, you’re friend group should be people that have your back when you’re in the right. If they don’t, they’re not your friend group. I think your issue if that you kinda know some are true friends, and others aren’t. So you don’t want to face that reality. I get it. But in the long run this will hurt you more. Face the music I say. Let it be over and done with, the results may be a more pleasant surprise than you were expecting.
Send her a screenshot of the conversation…. then follow it w “find someone better “
“I know you have feelings for <x> , I think there’s not enough trust between us if you weren’t comfortable telling me that, and not enough loyalty if you feel that way, what do you think?”
​
> And how to (most likely)break up with her
are you fucking me bro? you should never look back.
Damn. That sucks. I take it you’re certain that the messages were actually from her?
Maaan that’s a great friend. Your concern about how this will affect the friend group is interesting. I don’t like friend groups, I prefer one on one friendships and I’m generally a loner so I can’t say much about whether it should matter to you. I feel that the best way to handle this while keeping your concerns in mind is having a private convo with your girl (wake up and break up of course) and letting the group know that you’re no longer together without the details. Might be something you and your soon to be ex will agree on if she doesn’t want to be utterly embarrassed lol. I don’t see the point in disclosing the reason why y’all broke up to the group—seems like it’ll be messy and definitely encourage gossip or taking sides. I don’t know how close you all are but as a private person with a very small circle, this is one of those things I definitely keep to myself.
Sounds like she went double or nothing and lost
Ok, as you already know it is okay for him to tell her you know about the messages – break up with her.
If not for this guy, she will exchange her for someone else, and stays with you only cause you aren’t that bad. And is this the right attitude towards yourself?
The guy did you a huge favor, you should thank him. Your GF took a chance that could disrupt the friend group, then the guy took a chance by telling you. Dont worry about any other friends. Any other friends that wouldnt support your choice after this are people you dont need in your life anyway.
Your friend group will be changed by this, but that’s inevitable. You said one person in this group is your girlfriend’s longtime best friend—like you said, she’ll probably stick with your girlfriend through this, and that means you won’t be friends with that girl anymore, but that’s no loss for you. Yeah, the group will change. But that’s life!
If I found out a friend of mine was going through what you’re going through, I wouldn’t want them to suffer just to keep the friend group together.
Tell your gf that you know what she did here, and that you’re ending the relationship.
Print them out.. put them on her bed and say by Felica.
Real bros do still exist
Wow, 3 years and shes ready to do you like that? Oh, but only if this guy reciprocates because god forbid she has to spend a night or 2 alone as a single person before finding the next guy to shack up with.
I don’t necessarily like public shaming but I might actually consider sharing these text messages if I were you. This kind of behavior is toxic as hell, I would probably appreciate knowing someone acts like that so I could avoid them. She’s already looking within your network for an upgrade (really messed up) so might as well warn people of what they can expect if they follow her advances.
I would just be direct and break up with her. If people side with her after seeing or knowing about those messages, they aren’t worth keeping around.
Every break up comes with fall out. Friends might pick sides but what option do you have? That she was so ready to discard you shows she wasn’t too worried about the fall out to you if she left you for him. Just don’t let her trick you into staying. Props to your friend for having integrity.
She was gonna leave your ass and you say “most likely leave her” 💀
Dude, she started this and that guy is a real friend. Fuck your other friends if they side with her after this. Tell her you know and if she still wants to be friends that’s great but you can’t be in a relationship that’s a lie. Then let the chips fall.
Just kick her out and change the locks.
Regardless of what you do with the girlfriend you definitely should do something nice for your buddy. Buy him a pizza, beer, etc. Because that was pretty honorable thing for him to do and he went about it in a standup way too.