Without sounding too blunt or mean. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. And would like to keep his friendship if possible.

31 comments

  1. Hit him with the “your like a brother to me”. Of all the way to be shut down I like that best.

  3. Everything that you said in your post. “Not trying to hurt your feelings or be too blunt. I value our friendship, but I don’t want any more than that.” Might sting a little but I believe he’ll respect your being forthright.

    Guys don’t want to dance around the subject or feel like we’re being toyed with (intentionally or not). Just say what you mean.

  6. You are going to hurt his feelings. You might lose his friendship, its not in your control, it is in his. I’d bank on him disappearing.

    Nobody wants to be around somebody that they have feelings for when it is not returned.

    Just straight tell him that you aren’t interested in anything more than friendship.

    Even if he does stick around, you getting a new BF or fucking other dudes is probably going to cause him to be weird, or even lash out.

    Not your fault for not having feelings, and its not his fault for developing them for you.

  7. Even if you came up with the nicest way to tell him, if the man respects himself he’ll move on to find someone who is interested

  9. With words.

    The same words you said to us.

    “I’m not interested in anything more than friendship.”

    “I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

    You can’t control that.

    “And would like to keep his friendship if possible.”

    You can’t control that either. He isn’t entitled to a relationship with you BUT also YOU aren’t entitled to a “friendship” with him.

    Also do YOU REALLY WANT a “friendship” with someone where you get what you want but they don’t?

    That would be pretty selfish.

  10. Use a megaphone. Guys don’t do hints. If you think you’re being mean, you’re not. You’re saving him time and emotional anguish. Rip that bandaid off and hope he takes it well, if not, he wasn’t worth being your friend anyways.

  11. Just tell him outright.

    Doing anything other than that will breed resentment much worse than anything honest that you could say right now.

  12. Its better to be blunt.

    “Hey, I value our friendship but I don’t see you as a possible romantic partner. I wish we could stay friends.”

    I’ll be honest with you. 9/10 chance he leaves but its better that way. Men rarely stay friends with women if its just friends. Let him spend his time chasing someone who does care about him.

  13. Not sounding too blunt is what got you here asking for advice. Sound blunt. Don’t worry about his feelings. Friendship may be impossible

  15. You people make simple tasks complicated “I’m not interested in being more than friends”

  16. Just tell him you’re not interested in him. One sentence. Don’t try to soften it or say “I wanna be friends”. All that fluff can get misconstrued in his head. Yes his feeling will be hurt but that’s not your problem.

    “I’m not interested in you.”

  17. Stop hinting, friendzone him.

    “I’m sorry buddy, I think of you like a brother. It’s not gonna happen.”

  19. Just my opinion. Your not going hurt his feelings to much by being truthful. But so long as you remain friends he will retain hope that someday you will change your mind about him. This may keep him from moving on.

    See, I was in his shoes once and she just gave me time to realize that she just wanted to be friends. But after several years I was still carrying a torch for her. I guess you might say I needed closure but to be honest I just wanted to have that hope there, when things went dark and I found myself alone. But in hindsight it would have been better if she were to just let me go in a clean break. Hence my recommendation.

    Hope this was a helpful response.

  21. The reason he “won’t take the hint” is because ***hinting is not how adults communicate***. You need to speak your mind in a very clear and unambiguous way.

    ” I do not want to date you. I have no romantic or sexual interest in you. Not now and not in the future. Please stop acting strange or our friendship ends.”

    If you say anything less than this, then the weirdness will never end. Act like an adult and say what needs to be said.

  22. >And would like to keep his friendship if possible.

    This is your problem. He’s not your friend, he’s a suitor trying to win your affection. If you aren’t interested say you are not interested and let him go on his way.

  23. Forget subtlety and be prepared to give up the friendship. And honestly, you may be better for it.

    Important thing here, don’t let there be a slight “open door” for future stuff either. Be precise in your words. “*I value our friendship, but that’s all I see us as and I can’t see that changing. I don’t want to be mean, but I also don’t want you wasting time hoping for something that isn’t going to happen. Even though I hope to be friends, I’d rather risk losing your friendship than lead you on*”. Something like that.

    Hopefully something in that vein will do the trick. Good luck.

  25. Just tell him.

    You don’t get to choose if he’ll remain friends with you or not, he very well might opt out of that so that he can move on (and thats okay).

    Just rip the band aid off, its the only thing you have control of here.

  27. Stop being friends with him. As long as you willingly associate with him, you leave a glimmer of hope on the table for him regardless of what you tell him. If you have a guy that you’re friends with and he legitimately has feelings for you, those will never go away. Either you are fine with him always having feelings for you, or you aren’t. If you aren’t, you need to cut ties with him.

    Something to consider:
    I will tell you that if you stay friends with him and you get into a serious relationship with another guy, and the new BF finds out your amigo there has feelings for you, there’s going to be some tension there with most guys. Most guys do not like competing for women and we don’t like our GF/Wife hanging out with someone that we know wants a romantic relationship with her and has for the vast majority of their friendship. That friend is a threat to a relationship, even if he’s not a threat to stela you away. He could just be a threat to sabotaging your relationships with anyone who isn’t him (your friend). A lot of guys will find out and then want you to stay away from him, and you have to be prepared to make a decision about whether you are willing to cut ties with a guy you have by your own admission admitted to wanting no relationship with, or keeping “friends” with him and potentially losing a relationship with your BF. The only thing you’re doing by continuing to be friends with this guy is inviting future drama.

    I would also question motivations for you continuing hanging out with this friend even though you’ve indicted that he’s not interested in platonic friendship. You want him to know he doesn’t have a chance with you, but you still want him around. Look inside and ask yourself whether it’s because he’s really a good friend that you absolutely cannot live without, or whether you like having the “emotional safety blanket” of knowing that he is attracted to you and it makes you feel wanted and attractive, which feels good.

  28. Honestly, if he wants more than a friendship, then it won’t ever just be a friendship

  29. You gotta be direct. Not mean or rude, just don’t leave anything open to interpretation. If he likes you then his feelings will get hurt, even if he understands.

    There is nothing bad about saying “I’m not interested in you for more than a friend. If you can accept that and act accordingly I’d like to still be friends. If it is too hard for you, I understand and I wish you the best”.

    If he agrees to be just friends it may take some time though since feelings are involved.

  30. Be straight forward, and accept that he may feel hurt. Tell him you value his friendship, and you like him as a friend, but that it will never turn romantic, and hope he can work with that.

  31. Damnit what is it with you women and “dropping hints”? Fucking hell.

    Just tell him that you are not interested at all and be done with it. Jesus christ.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like