In many rich and developed Asian countries it is more socially acceptable to ask a date what their earnings and salary is, meanwhile in the United States it is considered pretty rude to do so. Why?

16 comments

1. Many Americans are just temporarily embarrassed millionaires. They don’t want to talk about the money they have now, they want to focus on the money they will have eventually when they finally get their big break.

2. Best guess is Eastern cultures tend to value status more than independence. So asking a date how much they make is tantamount to asking them how well can the other person support you.

3. It makes you look like all you care about is money

4. I met my wife in college, but I knew she was going into teaching, so I knew she wasn’t going to be a millionaire. I didn’t care.

5. In America, it’s considered rude to ask anyone their salary and discouraged by employers as well. It’s just taboo.

6. Because gold digging is frowned upon in the states.

7. I was asked what I made in a year once on a first date. I was in the six figure mark at the time but to be honest it pissed me off, because in no way was she even close to making what I did.

8. Because earning potential isn’t first date conversation. We tend to value people for who they are, not what their financial portfolio is. Obviously finances are important, but we tend to consider this conversation for once you’ve developed a relationship. Most Americans don’t consider status or earnings to be the most important consideration for a partner.

9. “Now I ain’t saying she a gold digger”

10. It’s broader than that, even- in American culture, it’s considered rude to ask people what their earnings are, at any time. For instance, I never knew what my parents made.

11. It’s not rude in general, but it’s not really first date material.

12. Long story short, its rude because its a sign you don’t care about the person at all. You first care about their money. Thats not a life partner, thats a business partner. It signals that the party is a gold digger and a red flag that individual will leave you if you ever drop below what was originally stated. It’s like would you stay at a job if they suddenly cut your pay?

    As someone of East Asian descent, developed Asian countries aren’t an exception. They’re asking that question for the exact same reason; money first, person second. Theres a lot of universally rude behavior that developed Asians socially accept. Doesn’t change the fact that its wrong or rude.

13. I don’t find that rude. But I wouldn’t make it an icebreaker or early question. I also wouldn’t make that the reason I wouldn’t date someone

14. It comes off as snobby and only looking for wealth. Gold diggers aren’t looked up to.

15. To a westerner, that sounds like remnants of a caste or class system that has no place in the modern world. Of course money is important in relationships, but asking that on a first or second date will imply you are only interested in dating someone who is wealthy. I imagine this is also why so many new immigrants from Asia wear expensive clothes that advertise huge logos / brand names. Westerners, at least wealthy ones, consider that type of attire to be very tacky / low-class. If you are compelled to advertise how much money you have, you probably don’t actually have much.

16. As someone from East Asian descent, I think it’s different because in Asia it’s kinda presumed if you want a good partner, they have to be able to take care of their finances for life and are stable. But here, it’s more presumed that you have a stable job and if you ask, it comes off snobby or gold diggerish.