I (19m) want to break up with my gf (19f) because of my jealousy, but I don’t want to hurt her. I’m sort of conflicted because I love her and want to be with her, but I also know that I need help.
A few nights ago my gf “Amber” and I where at a party, and she was talking to this guy about her favorite sports team (her family are huge sports fans, so she loves talking about it). When I saw them talking I couldn’t help but get jealous.
I’m really not sure why I get so jealous, maybe it’s because I didn’t get enough attention as a child or just some underlying insecurities. Either way she doesn’t deserve someone whose gonna get jealous because she’s having a conversation with someone who isn’t me.
I just want to take sometime to better myself, but some part of me wants to stay with her, mostly because I don’t want her to be with someone else. Staying with her will hurt her in the future, and leaving her now will her hurt her now, but at least she’ll have an opportunity to meet someone better in the future.
Tl;dr I want to break up with my gf because of my jealous.
Update: I forgot to mention that I’ve already scheduled a therapy appointment for next month.
Update #2: I’ve explained to her my issue and that I couldn’t move forward with our relationship at this point in my life yet, she’s hurt, but we agreed that time apart is what’s needed.
7 comments
You’ve shown enormous insight here and your decision to break up is probably sound. It is a you problem, and it’s up to you to fix it. Can you talk to a counsellor or psychologist?
Tell her it’s not her, it’s you. And that it can’t work out because of some things you have to overcome.
You don’t want to smother anyone, that’s fair. And if you can’t overcome these territorial instincts that you have, then perhaps being single for a while is best.
Good luck OP.
You need professional help.
Can you afford a therapist? Therapy for anyone is amazing and works wonders for most people.
Perhaps even couples counseling.
Maybe get therapy for this. If they were just talking, it is not healthy to get jealous over that. Not just for her but also for yourself. It will consume you if you dont deal with this. Not just for this relationship but also for any other future relationships.
Your insight is quite noble of you. Perhaps tell your gf about your insecurities and how they are a you problem, and not hers. And then get that therapist line up. I actually see a way for you to not break up with her. You’ve got some time to fix things for yourself, whilst not jeopardising the relationship just yet.
It’s ultimately your decision whether or not you want to continue being in a relationship with her, but I don’t think that getting jealous because she talked to another guy is a valid reason to break up with her. Feeling jealous in a relationship is a common and natural emotion, and what you really need to do is have an honest conversation with your partner about your insecurities. Don’t let this issue ruin a beautiful relationship with your girlfriend. If you break up with her over something like this, it will only break your heart and hers as well.
Wow, no advice from me but good on you for recognizing that your jealousy isnt fair to her or good for the relationship. Best of luck op