How do you stop yourself from going back to your ex?

14 comments

1. There’s a ton of inner work that needs to be done.

   1) If you think about them a lot, it’s okay. You’re probably remembering the good times and who you wanted them to be, instead of the person they were at the end.

   2) If you’re up to it, it can be really healing to go on a dating app for just a little bit, to see just how easy it is to get attention. Talking to a new person can be a great distraction.

   3) Women are expected to mourn like this. But it wasn’t all your fault. What did your EX do that was wrong?

   4) Do social things with good friends. Surround yourself with intelligent women.

2. As an addition, just because you mourn someone doesn’t mean you’re “not over them.” My ex and I ended things last June, and it was harrowing. I still cry over him, but I also relish my new relationships and schedule. Let the waves come when they come (fighting them will only make you feel ashamed for NO REASON). And when it’s over, you can soothe yourself with validations and move on to the next thing

3. I have a new relationship now and it’s 100% better

4. For me it was easy. When it was over it was over. In fact, it should have been over for both of us long before. But we weren’t taught about relationships, although plenty would offer advice. Hopefully we are now in much better, more suitable relationships. Wish them well and wave goodbye.

5. Step one: Block them on everything. This isn’t necessarily tenable if you have kids with them, but if you’re childfree like me, it’s always tenable. There’s no scrolling through their socials to see who the next partner is, no embarrassing attempts at a booty call months later because I’m drunk and horny, and no hitting them up five or ten years later to “reminisce about the good times” or whatever. Once the relationship is over, it’s over, and what happens to them afterwards is not my problem or my business (and vice versa).

   Step two: Remember it’s okay to grieve. You probably had some feelings for the other person, no matter how bad things got at the end. It’s okay to have some feelings about this. It’s okay to mourn the loss of a relationship, even if what you’re mourning is the loss of who you thought you knew or the good times you had when the relationship was at its best. These feelings aren’t going to go away until you let yourself feel them.

   Step three: Go out and have fun with your friends or your family. You don’t want to be that person who holes up for six months after every relationship ends. Having some fun with your friends and loved ones is a good way to remind yourself that you’re still a whole person even when you’re single (which is something some people really struggle with).

6. I did for a night but he never called me back 😭

7. I’ll refer to my Handy Dandy Notebook for the list of reasons to avoid ex

8. Oh I would never!

9. Maintain no contact, remind yourself of the bad times, focus on fun things you can do with the extra time you now have, be your own boo thang.

10. By not having one

11. Walk in the opposite direction. Blocking your blessings by staying

12. Get a new one.

13. My ex is garbage so that helps

14. Step one – they speak and bullshit comes out.
    Step two – the ick is huge.
    Step three – I’ll lose everyone I care about for some mediocre dick.