Watching Chris Rock’s special yesterday got me thinking about this. By far my favorite 1-liner comes from King of the Hill. Super underrated/under appreciated joke.

“Folks, I’m so white during the riots I went out and BOUGHT a television!”

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  1. “You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis!” -Major Payne

  2. Not a family guy fan but it still takes the cake for me.

    ” well I’d love to stay and chat but…. you’re a total bitch.”

  3. Raul Julia from the Street Fighter movie.

    “I don’t remember killing your family. While I’m sure that the day I burned down your village and slaughtered everyone you knew was the most important day in your life … for me it was a Tuesday”

  4. “Why Johnny Ringo, you look like someone just walked over your grave.” – Doc Holiday in Tombstone

  5. Tyrone: I didn’t see it there.

    Vinny: It’s a four ton truck, Tyrone. It’s not as though it’s a packet of fucking peanuts, now, is it?

    Tyrone: It was at a funny angle.

    [All three turn and look back at the van]

    Vinny: It’s behind you, Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you!

  6. Sheldon from Big Bang Theory

    **Raj:** *Be careful.*
    **Sheldon:** *If I were not being careful, your telling me to be careful would not make me careful.*

  7. Outlaw Josey Wales:

    Senator:

    Fletcher, there’s an old saying: To the victors belong the spoils.

    Fletcher:

    **There’s another old saying, Senator: Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining.**

  8. “Future Man”

    Wolf-“It’s called a blow-job, and I’m never apologizing for it.”

  9. “Some mother fuckers are always tryna ice skate uphill.” – Wesley Snipes, Blade

  10. “Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.”

    Venkman in Ghostbusters in the NY mayors office.

  11. Chidi Anagonye : Turns out life isn’t just a puzzle to be solved one time and it’s done. You wake up every day and you solve it again.
    Just a fan of the show and this represents how I feel, always thinking about the things I have to do in the future, but the show also makes a point of pointing out what happiness is: time with the ones you love

  12. “You either get busy living or ya get busy dieing.”

    Name that movie! I’d quote it but I forget who said it first.

  13. “Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.”

  14. Not a one-liner but the very best dialog in any movie EVER. “You’re ghostin’ us muthafucka. I don’t give a damn who you are back in the world. You give our position away one more time, I’ll bleed you, real quiet, leave you here. Got that?!”

  15. Oh, you about to blow? Well I’m a mushroom cloud layin motherFUCKER, motherfucker!

  16. Chris Griffin, Family Guy:

    “So, uhm, where is the chase and how do I cut to it?”

  17. The Sea was angry that day, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.

  18. “The only currency we have in this crazy, fucked up world is what we say to one another when we are NOT being cool. ” –DJ mentor in Almost Famous.

  19. Home alone quotes from 1 & 2 from when he plays the gangster films to communicate with the burglars/ hotel staff. The quotes are so funny my coworkers and I die laughing quoting it randomly regardless of context haha

    Clips for reference below.

    1: https://youtu.be/4dGOfFbzvq4

    2: https://youtu.be/tWgCt5qFYI0

    Particular favorites are:

    “I knew it was you, I could smell you getting off the elevator”

    “I believe you, but my tommy gun DON’T”!

    “I’m gonna give you till the count of 10 to get you ugly, yelluh, no good keister off my property, 1..2.. 10! “

    And of course,

    “Keep the change ya filthy animal”!

  20. Shut your fat ass, Rayvie! I can’t buy a pack of smokes without runnin’ into nine guys you fucked!

  21. “You shouldn’t be married, you should be studied” – Debbie from Adams Family Values

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