advice for an ugly loner.

23 comments

1. hit the apps bro, and the gym.

2. get on the apps, cast a wide net and keep your standards reasonable.

   (eg. don’t discourage yourself and swipe on the women obviously out of your league and make sure you keep the age range wide, esp on the upper end. MILFs need to get laid too)

3. I’ve read part of your story. I believe that your social skills are as you describe. Sorry to say but I would advice to just invest to those robot gf and buy some.

4. I also have autism and im not actually super attractive.

   You are still young, so you still gave a decent chance. But you will need to put way more work into it than most people.(some NTs will tell you that relationships are always alot if work, which is true, but they dont understand tgat we have a buttload of other oroblems on top of it)

   First of , if you dont already, go to therapy and talk with your therapist about it, mby even define it as a goal of the therapy. If your therapist dosnt want to do this, find another one. (If you cant afford therapy, this will actaully get harder).

   Dating apps are generally bad, but can help as a practice for presenting yourself and mby talking to someone. I highly recomend to only view them as a filler while you dont have other options and to expect NOTHING.

   Generel improvments like making sure you have decent clothing and are in shape are always good to strive for, but are admitily long time goals.

   If you can , mby find some kind of support group with other ppl with autism, sharing this things regarly helps aswell(thus being said it would he important that tgere are some women to get some female persektives!)

   There is one final thing i did where im not sure if i should recomend is speed dating. The whole thing is generlly awful for us, but at least its a good practise and a enviroment where it is at least obvoius wgats going on.(again, dont actually expect to get a relationship out of this, it might happen, but the chances are low)

5. Money and status will compensate work on those ones

6. Going to echo something I saw here and have learned as I got older. Working out/ being in shape is great, but is a hard long term goal. What’s more important is the confidence it can build.

   More importantly however, is how you dress yourself. Throughout my youth I didn’t care understand why my mom cared so much about buying new clothes for me/ removing wrinkles at all cost.

   Now I know these things matter a ton for how girls/other people look at me. Just making sure you have some style and are actually cleaning/hanging up/folding your clothes goes a very long way.

7. Swipe right on absolutely everyone. Don’t even look at the name just swipe right. If you get matches quickly read their bio and text them. Eventually you will land a date.

8. Love on the spectrum, the show on Netflix, gives resources to connect with others on the spectrum. Also Google search local dating events near you. If you want it, you’ll have to work for it, cheers, good luck, and open yourself up. You can’t read a closed book no matter how intelligent you are.

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10. Just because you think you’re ugly doesn’t mean you are, so stop thinking about looks, anyone who wants to date you for just that isn’t worth your time anyways.

    And autism can make it challenge, but what you should be doing is focusing on being confident and passionate about what you’re good at in life, or what your hobbies are, doesn’t matter what they are just showcase that your caring and passionate.

    I would recommend you to try online dating since it can help ease into dating, don’t lie or try to hide your autism and the things you’re into, you may not get 100 likes a week, but the ones that do are going to be more into you and worth chatting than any of the others.

    Be confident, get out there and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 🙂 cheers bro

11. Go to the gym.

12. Tip: stop calling yourself ugly. Even if you are. Otherwise you’ll keep putting handsome people on a pedestal they don’t deserve.

13. What’s wrong with other autistic women as a starting point ? Also if you think of yourself as unattractive that is a slippery slope. Men with half their face blown off have had successful relationships –

14. I can’t see what you look like, but there is a lid for every pot. You might have to find a woman who also isn’t very attractive

15. Yo bro I’m probably at 3/10 but I manager to bag this 10/10 all u need is to try to get in a slim shape and see what characteristics fit you so you are not truly ugly
    I get made fun of by most of my male freinds but apparently girls take both gestures and appearance into thought
    I hope u can do well bro

16. Save up your money and get a date with an escort. They will do all the things a girl who normally dates would do, they just cost more money than a regular date. It removes all of the stress and tension from you for trying to find a woman to date.

    Maybe you will only go out on a few dates per year but at least you will not have to worry about your looks or your autism.

17. Self diagnosed autism is fake.
    Work on yourself in your free time and lose weight if needed. Everything else seems to improve after that.

18. There are things you can do to not be ugly and a loner. Start with that. I’m kinda at a loss when it comes to autism, but just as a hail mary, maybe start watching Take Your Shoes Off w/ Rick Glassman. He talks a lot about his experience with autism and it could be helpful to see/hear that. Hard to explain why, but it can’t hurt to give it a shot. Plus he’s funny as fuck.

19. First of all, ugly is relative. Even if your face really is jacked up, there are things you can do. Work out. Eat healthy. Get in better shape. Keep your hair and face groomed. Wear decent clothes. Get a new pair of shoes every so often. These things will make you better looking no matter what your face looks like. You don’t have to become a pro athlete. Even just gaining 5lbs of muscle or losing 5lbs of fat will make you feel better. Also, I know social interactions are difficult, but you can find out what kind of hair and beard style looks the best on you just by doing a little google research. Your appearance isn’t set in stone. I had a dry spell a few years ago, and once I changed my hair and beard, women started to talk to me again 🤣

    As for the social aspect, it’s difficult. I thought I was on the spectrum for years. I don’t think I’m autistic per se, but I had all the familiar symptoms. I didn’t learn social skills until I was well into my 20s.

    Part of it is, you just have to love and trust yourself. Social interaction takes practice, and even if it’s super difficult, you can get better. Keep trying.

    People did not understand my ideas because my delivery sucked and my body language was weird. You have to embrace your uniqueness. I’d recommend practicing in the mirror. You might find better ways to move your body and make your gestures if you can actually see how you move around. Also, practice being direct. If I have an idea, I like to get to the point first and explain the details later. I’ll say the most attention grabbing main thought first, and explain afterwards. That’s just one example. It’s not about becoming a different person, it’s just about upgrading who you already are. People listen to my ideas now because I communicate them in a way that they can connect with. It’s all in the delivery. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it. Also, you gotta be responsible and careful, but I’ve known several autistic people who say that having a couple drinks helps them loosen up and eases their social anxiety.

    I know it’s easier said than done, but you’re 21. You have a lot of time left. Get out there and tell the world what’s on your mind. Once you’re able to carry yourself the way you really want to, women will respond. That’s honestly the most important thing. Even if no one else understands you, you gotta understand yourself. Trust yourself, and be patient. People might not respond today, tomorrow, or even this month, but if you have your own back, eventually people will pick up on it.

    Confidence is the single most important factor in attracting a woman. These things might help you with that. Good luck my man 🤘

20. stop being ugly.

21. I also have ASD. I didn’t meet the love of my life until I was 37. He has adhd and we are both a bit of a yin/yang couple, we complement each othr well.

    Along the way I had to learn from my mistakes. Oh this doesn’t work? Let me try this. I never gave up because I just wanted to be with someone special.

    Try some dating for neurodivergent people groups.

22. Nah.. There’s a ass for every seat. You’ll find someone. Leave the online shit alone. Get out and volunteer at some association or non profit helping people in need. Get a job in service industry where you can interact with others. Get yourself out there so you can hone your social skills should be your #1 priority. Then style, etc.

23. You’re not ugly. Everyone has a type and you are someone’s type. I used to be someone who accidentally would end up dating the “best” looking guys in school and college. I did find them good looking, but the guy who I dated and found the most good looking was someone that many people termed “ugly” didn’t care, he was the best looking guy I’d met.

    Being autistic isn’t easy in this world where any form of neurodivergence is termed “weird”. But it’s the same thing, you will find someone who finds your neurodivergence appealing and loveable and who will adore you because of you being different. Picking up on social cues is super tough when you’re dating even for non neurodivergent people.

    My only advice would be, just keep putting yourself out there, be yourself and eventually you’ll find your person. May take a longer time than you hope. But faking it and having someone love you for that is just you settling, you should rather be happy being alone than settling for someone who isn’t perfect for you.