I’m an office manager for a small, male dominated company. There’s 9 of us in total and only 2 of us are female – me and the owners wife.
My boss invited us all to a kickboxing event in a couple months as a thank you for working hard. It’s just staff, no partners are able to come since it’s reserved seats. I told my fiance and his first reaction was anger. He asked why I would want to go to something like that when I don’t even watch it at home. I told him it’s a work event and I know my boss is spending a lot of money for this. There will be liquor served and he says I have a tendency to get flirty when I’m drunk and said if I come home wasted he’ll be pissed. He’s convinced I’m gonna cheat or something even though I never would.
I told him I won’t even go if it matters that much to him but now he’s saying he doesn’t mind if I go. I feel like if I don’t go my boss will be like wtf cause I can tell he’s really excited about it. And if I do go my partner will be mad at me and I’ll have anxiety all night at the fight and not be able to enjoy it for fear of what kind of argument I’ll go home to.
Women – what would you do?
Men – would you react like this to your woman?
13 comments
So I can see where your husband is not cool with it. A work event where alcohol will be involved. No Spouses are allowed to go. So many stories where someone had one too many drinks and ended up in another man’s arms.
I would encourage my wife to go.
I honestly don’t really get your husband’s reaction here. It sounds like there is some sort of latent insecurity taking hold.
> And if I do go my partner will be mad at me and I’ll have anxiety all night at the fight and not be able to enjoy it for fear of what kind of argument I’ll go home to.
I honestly think you should go. Don’t let your partner’s jealousy/insecurity clip your wings here. Normalize going out and doing stuff like this, not just for you, but for your husband and your marriage. You’ll be happier and healthier as a couple if you can work through it.
Your boss kind of sucks for this. Some reward for your hard work. Your husband sucks more.
I’d go but I wouldn’t get drunk because that’s not a good look for a work event anyway.
Stick to 1-2 drinks, or none at all IMO.
> I told my fiance and his first reaction was anger. He asked why I would want to go to something like that when I don’t even watch it at home. I told him it’s a work event and I know my boss is spending a lot of money for this. There will be liquor served and he says I have a tendency to get flirty when I’m drunk and said if I come home wasted he’ll be pissed. He’s convinced I’m gonna cheat or something even though I never would.
If your fiancé doesn’t trust you, why did he take the next step and get engaged? Unless you’ve cheated in the past, his reaction is a huge red flag. If you wanted to cheat, you don’t need a work event, nor do you need alcohol.
> I told him I won’t even go if it matters that much to him but now he’s saying he doesn’t mind if I go.
Learn to set healthy boundaries now. Don’t enable your partner’s jealousy/controlling behaviour.
How is he working on his trust issues? Is he in therapy? Are you okay dating someone who doesn’t trust you?
> I feel like if I don’t go my boss will be like wtf cause I can tell he’s really excited about it.
It’s just that: a work event/team bonding event/reward. Do YOU want to go? My husband and I never really ask for each other’s approval or “permission”, it’s more about planning. E.g. in June, my work has a further education event, and since we also want to have a small leaving event for a colleague, it’s become a 3 day event, staying in a nice town further south. Since I’m already gone on a business trip a few days before, I told him that I’d only go for the further education part so that he doesn’t have to manage our household, petcare etc. for almost a week.
As a guy, a couple of things certainly are worrisome:
1. You are really concerned with pleasing your boss by showing up, even though it’s not your thing at all.
2. You get flirty when there are drinks involved.
So, two things there that could lead to a boundary being crossed.
What exactly is the event, though? Just a couple of fights that night? How long is it?
Is it just the event or will they go to a bar afterwards?
I got a feeling that your husband has had some suspicions for a while now and it’s kind of blowing up.
Update my Facebook status: The wedding is off. Fiancé is trying to tank my career because he’s jealous of me spending time with coworkers at professional events.
I might react that way if my SO was going out too often or thought I had reason not to trust her. But otherwise it would be go ahead and have some fun. Get your yayas out.
Go and just don’t drink. All your boyfriend said was don’t come home drunk. He knows you flirt when you drink. Everyone knows a story about someone being cheated on during a event like this. No one goes with the intention of cheating.
I would allow my wife to go as long as she did not overindulge with the alcohol and she came home as soon as the event was over. I would be upset if she went out drinking after the event and come home in the early hours of the morning intoxicated.
Your fiancé’s first reaction to a work event is anger? Seems a bit ridiculous. Do you guys have past issues that you’re not revealing here?
Anyway, partners shouldn’t sabotage work events. I’d be reevaluating whether I wanted to marry this man. He sounds awfully controlling.
And it goes without saying to not drink too much at a work event. Be professional.
As a woman, I’d go and leave the guy.
Yes, drastic. But will you never be allowed to go out to a place with drinks without him? God forbid you get tipsy, even at a restaurant, and flirt with another man in the vicinity.
What’s the point of getting married when he doesn’t even trust you and/or think you’re smart enough not to get drunk and flirt with your coworkers.
Also, I used to work at a small company and same idea, activities we did never included the SO.
Go, but assure him that you won’t drink at all. If you have a tendency to get drunk, keep it no alcohol at all. I understand both of you. It is horrible for your spouse to come home drunk, I’ve been through that.