Realizing Ex Husband was violating me in my sleep

Apologies if not the right subreddit, I am hoping to get some insight and perspective to help me move forward in a sexually healthy way. I am recently divorced from an extremely difficult situation with a man with substance use issues. As a Hail Mary towards the end of the relationship, I engaged in asking what fantasies or kinks he would want to explore. He opened up about being very interested in rape porn, limping (?), and “using” drugged or sleeping women. In hindsight I realize how many times I would wake up to him having sex with me (not planned, non consensual). When I would get upset when it happened, he would always play dumb and act like he was doing it while asleep. I, foolishly believed him or at least chose not to pursue it much further as the behavior stopped for years following a particularly bitter argument. I am now in a healthy new relationship and am starting to appreciate the depths to which I am still rattled and on the defensive due to the buried realization that I had been getting used and violated by a man I trusted for his own sexual gratification. My reason for posting this is to see if anyone has any words of solidarity, or insight into how to help oneself move forward without guilting oneself too much and accept positive affection. I am in therapy and have a discussed this with my therapist, who insisted I use the r word to describe the events, which has me conflicted. Thanks in advance.