I’m a guy in my late 20s. I never have had success with women. Apparently, according to my friends and family, one of my main issues is that I don’t know how to flirt with a woman. They say flirting can create interest and attraction. I asked them to explain what flirting is, but I have never gotten a clear answer. I don’t know how to do it or even understand the concept. I have read articles, books, watched videos, and listened to podcasts and conversations about flirting, but I still do not understand want flirting is or how to implement it in my social interactions with women. Could someone please enlighten me?
2 comments
Think of it as just being playful through speech. Gentle teasing, for example.
It’s hard to explain, but most importantly be careful with it. What can be fun, playful flirting with a person who is reciprocating can come across rude or aggressive to a person who’s not interested.
I’ll give you an example of the first time I met my fiance. We were at a bar with a group of friends, sitting together, when the bartender came to collect our empty glasses and then stared at me for a while. I asked her if everything was ok, and she laughed and said “oh I was just admiring how pretty your makeup looks!” My fiance said, “I’ve been doing the same thing all night.” That’s SMOOTH. It’s just one line, it’s a compliment that lets them know you find them attractive or interesting. You don’t need to lay it on heavy, just sprinkle it in amongst authentic conversation. You should try to get to know someone as a person a little bit first, engage with them genuinely, then when you feel like you’re getting along well, chuck a little compliment in that tells them you find them attractive as well as interesting. Things like “well I hope I’ll see you there!” If discussing a future plan, or “well it would be much better with you there!” Be genuine, be yourself, don’t lay it on too heavy. Also, at some point, be direct. If you’ve been dropping these lines and you’re not getting a response, but the person is still talking to you, don’t be afraid to be direct. They may be disinterested but they may also have just not noticed, some people are oblivious and others have low self esteem, so they’ve noticed but can’t imagine why anyone would be flirting with them, so they convince themselves they’re overthinking it. At some point just say “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you, could we go on a date?” And accept the answer with grace.