I have this guy at work in his late 20s who is interested in me early 20s. We both work in the tech industry. He has a good head on his shoulders and is all around a caring guy. He is quite awkward so he doesn’t have much experience with girls. He has a stay at home mom who basically does everything for him, including driving him to work, laundry, lunch. He is learning how to drive but I’m not sure about the other two. And I don’t want to be a surrogate mom but other than this, I genuinely do like him. Wondering if he is just a late bloomer or am I walking into a trap? We live in a HCOL place so it’s not uncommon to still live with parents well into your 20s. I guess I just want to hear if others have experience with these types of men, both good and bad.
22 comments
His mom packs his lunch and drives him to work? He’s not a late bloomer he’s a failure to launch. It’s not hard to pack your own lunch.
Yeah….. no. Don’t go there.
Unless he’s disabled, there’s no reason for his mother to be packing his lunch and driving him to work. Hard pass.
Let this slide
Its fine
As someone who wasted too much of their early to mid 20s on someone that needed to be patented into being half a functioning adult…
Don’t do it.
My kid is 13 and packs his own GD lunch LOLOLOLOL
So the laundry thing and lunch it’s meh. Like she can cook for him. But he can pack his own lunch.. lol Not a big deal but drives him to work? Nah.
If it’s an option available to you, living with your parents is sensible given the ridiculous cost of rent – I’m in the same boat myself as a 27M with a job as a software engineer. That being said, you can still show independence despite those circumstances (including handling your own lunch, laundry and getting to work by yourself). This person doesn’t sound like he is. It’s really up to you if you want to go through the ordeal of spending a lot of time with somebody who probably hasn’t learned many of the life lessons you have (not that I’m meaning to presume your own circumstances), despite being a fair bit older.
I’m not going to strictly advise you to pass, but he’s probably got a lot of growing up to do. Can you tolerate that?
Reddit is a quick judge of character, the reasons for these things are numerous. It can depend on their culture, the person you’re dating and family dynamics .
This is anecdotal but what if his mom is a retired busybody and she shows her love by doing these things? I know thats what happened with me when I was living with her. I’m male 29 and now live abroad, i could cook and often would do big dinners for my entire family on the weekends (about 9 ppl~) and yes I did my laundry too. But my mom would feel bad about herself when I did it and sometimes she’d make lunches for me for the entire week cuz it was less stressful on me to cook everyday or on the weekends for an entire week. I didn’t ask and neither did she, it was just an act of love. I have a good job and education at the time and I don’t think anyone would of though of me as “a failure to launch” .
I am not discrediting that he could be a lazy lout. I am simply saying you’d have to get to know him to really find out. Plus going on a few dates is not marriage or becoming a surrogate mom. If he really has those spoilt traits then you can decide not to see him.
Just my two cents tho. Goodluck on whatever you decide to do.
Sounds like my ex. He eventually dumped me because his mom advised him to. We were going to move in together after 2 years of dating. He was 29. His mom told him.hes not ready to be in the real.wprld yet because it’s too hard.
Mama’s boys will always put mom before you even if it’s irrational, because it’s all they know in life.
He’s basically still a child. Unless you want to be his mommy #2, I’d advise against it.
There’s a difference between living with your parents but taking care of yourself and helping around the house and whatever this guy is doing.
Impossible? No.
Unlikely? Yes.
This level not being independent seems pretty extreme.
It’s the mother’s fault for enabling the lifestyle ultimately, but if he wanted to change he would have. Honestly, do him a favor and tell him that it’s a big red flag/no go. His mother never will.
He can’t do his own laundry or pack a lunch? Those are really basic life things and if he can’t do them then that’s a problem. You don’t want to become his mommy.
These types of men will be a nightmare to live with down the line, and thats why most ltr’s fail. Cuz men dont know how to do basic housework. If you were to get into a relationship and move in together, he would just turn to you to do all the things his mom used to do for him. Do you want an adult partner, or a grown child?
So I’m going to chime in here, as someone who lives at home. I’m 31 I’ve lived at home my whole life. For two reasons.
1 I’ve never sore a reason to get my own place. Plus it’s very expensive.
2: my parents have disabilities, so I like to stay close to take care of them.
I work nights full time. While I have my own car, I prefer to take my dads. It’s nicer lol. And an automatic.
My dad does my laundry and make me lunch, I’m extremely grateful for him doing that. He doesn’t have to. I do know how to do it.
Don’t judge a book by its cover. I remember before I could drive, my mum or dad would drive me to job interviews or even to work. I would give them money to cover the fuel.
So it depends on the person, is he a lazy and coddled guy, or is it a two way street. They work as a team. If it’s the first then yeah don’t date a guy like that. But if it’s the second give him a shot. If it turns out he is a man child then walk away.
This is exactly what you’ll be doing for the rest of your life. Some women like a needy man. It’s not for me…
He’s in his late 20s and mommy is still doing everything? Oh hon, don’t even go there.
Him learning to Drive is a huge plus and he was aware of that. I’m sure he can do laundry and pack his own lunch and I don’t see that as a huge deal. I’m sure if he lived on his own he would learn and do so. I live at home and do everything including cooking. Moms are going to Mom and I come home to my work clothes being washed and dinner made. When she leaves on vacation or is sick I do all the regular chores an adult should do. Talk to him and ask him he knows how to cook or do laundry. You can make something up like what’s your favorite dish to cook? What’s that smell, what detergent are you using? Idk about the last one but try and see where his heads at. Give the guy a chance I’m sure he’s been waiting and wants to show what he can be
They can change, all kinds of people can change in all kinds of ways. The question more is how likely is it, and can you change them?
IT’S A TRAP!
The only way he will be with you is if you do everything his mommy does for him now, plus fuck him.
You will become his bang mommy.
And he will be a little fucking boy forever.