Long story short: I’ve been living with my boyfriend of six years for almost 6 months now. I’m from another country, and we did long distance for almost 3 years. He cheated on me several times, but did not tell me and still made me move here. One week after arriving I found it out. I saw everything with my own eyes, pictures, videos you name it. At first he was trying to cover it up, and lied to me for 3 months. He said that it was like a one time thing. After 3 months I found out about his lies, once again and discovered that he did it multiple times with multiple women. I still forgave and decided to stay.
It has been tough. It started getting better these days. I think he has been trying to make it up for me and be a better person. I decided to watch his actions and decide what do I do with him when I feel like I have an answer. I still do not have one. I just try to enjoy my life with him, and sometimes all the negativity comes up at once. I think I do love him and truly care about him. I just couldn’t figure out wether I can see him in the same way as before. When I was sad I thought about him and just smiled. When I wanted to give up something I thought about him and continued. I have a strong attachment and feeling of love towards him. But at the same time I’m really not okay being cheated on and I feel like I’m betraying myself because of trying to forgive.
So six months in, we had fun times, we had bad times. I still don’t have a decision. All confused but started focusing on myself, like dieting, studying and all things I couldn’t do at first because of my depression of being cheated.
I also moves countries for him, so I had literally zero friends so I started using this language exchange app. I got a message from this guy(M21), and I wasn’t really interested in having guy friends, so after a short talk I just ghosted him. But after like a month, he sent me a message again anyways, and asked me about studying, university. He showed genuine interest on my life, studies, worries. I did fail my entrace exam once because I’m very bad at maths and he was worried that I would fail again because I’m kinda studying alone. He offered me to help and I gradually opened up about my life here, and about my relationship. We did meet a few times but the purpose of this meetings was nothing more than studying. But last time he basically confessed to me, and said that he wants me to forget my current boyfriend and be with him. I was so shocked and surprised that I couldn’t really give him an answer. But he did confuse me a lot. I think I do like him. I noticed that I tend to wait for his messages. I do feel like the typical love symptoms when I’m with him. But after all it’s all temporary.
But he seems to be really really serious about me. And he made me question myself a lot.
I know that I will have to hurt an important person no matter who I choose. I just want to proceed with my life without regretting my decisions. I have no idea what should I do. Please help me, any kinds of advice would be appreciated.

2 comments
  1. Are you able to move out on your own? It sounds like you aren’t in love with your bf anymore. He cheated on you, so it makes sense that you aren’t as into him as you used to be.

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