Hi internet friends, I’ve been seen this guy, Jeffrey, for about 5 months now. We get along intellectually through conversations, and have similar life philosophies and values. At this point, I’m really starting to consider him seriously as a potential life partner.
Things are going well in general, but I’m feeling a wall when it comes to understanding his emotions. Whether it is me asking about his previous relationships, or asking him about his feelings for me, he’s quiet and can’t express his feelings, or is not comfortable expressing how he feels. With his previous relationships, it’s a lot of “I don’t want to talk about it” (which I do want to respect his boundaries). But when it comes to talking about where we’re headed, Jeffrey can only say “I think it’s been going well.” When I ask about how he feels about me, he’s silent. And when I express to him that I don’t get a clear sense of how he feels about me, he can only say “I don’t think that’s true.” It’s tough for me to date someone that is inexpressive in this way.
I have to give Jeffrey credit that when we’re together, he is consistent, gives me compliments, and there’s plenty of hugs and kisses for physical touch. He takes me to and from the airport, and does lots of acts of service. There is nothing about his behavior that leads me to question his overall intentions otherwise – but I think I prefer for things to be crystal clear. I want to know how he feels about me in words, how serious he is about us, and whether he can also see the possibility of a long term relationship for us.
I’m trying to ask him these questions but I’m getting very little from him, again with the “I think things are going well” and “I’m enjoying my time with you”. Perhaps I’m expecting him to “lead” in the relationship, but he doesn’t really do this through his words and language (which is the clarity I feel I need).
TL;DR – Guy I’ve been seeing is not emotionally expressive, and has hard time sharing his feelings about me.
Is he playing me or is it possible he just has trouble expressing himself? Has anyone else dealt with an unexpressive guy like this? How can I get the clarity I need if he is someone that is uncomfortable or incapable of expressing emotion?
2 comments
35m here. I went most of my adult life exactly like this. Expressing feelings was not part of my upbringing; feelings were meant to be contained and repressed, especially negative ones.
It sounds to me like expressing feelings is uncomfortable territory for your partner. He has them, but expressing them requires a skill he has yet to develop. He doesn’t have the tools, the vocabulary, and he’s gone through his childhood and adult life without a need for it, so he may have a hard time understanding it to be something worthwhile.
>he is consistent, gives me compliments, and there’s plenty of hugs and kisses for physical touch. He takes me to and from the airport, and does lots of acts of service. There is nothing about his behavior that leads me to question his overall intentions otherwise
“Don’t watch the mouth, watch the hands.”