I need some advice on my relationship.
I’m 31Female and my Bf is 36Male
We’ve been together for 8 years and I love him very much.
But our life isnt fantastic I’ve hinted at the problems said them directly and nothing happens.
I do all the household chores have since we’ve been together at first I didn’t mind I thought he would pitch in eventually. (Cook, clean grocery shopping, feeding the pets)
He works any where between 4 to 8 hrs 4 days a week and then comes home and plays video games or watches tv. I got a new job 9months ago and told him
He was going to have to pitch it more now cause I work 10hr days 4 days a week.
And if I bring it up to much or something that happened bothers me he’ll get mad.
When he’s in good moods everything is great. But he’s bad moods are bad he can be mean and I’ll tell him he’s hurting my feelings and he won’t care. So I’ll be upset all day and then he’ll act like nothing happened hrs later.
Well I’ve been feeling really guilty lately because I’ve been crushing on my boss. I didn’t go looking for it I swear it just happened I’ve been thinking about him recently.
A couple days ago me and my boss were talking about the gym and he showed me a picture of him shirtless and then he flexed his pecs at me and then later we’re outside helping a fellow coworker and he was standing on my right side and then put his hands on my waist like he was going to move me but just squeezed and moved to my left side.
He makes little comments at work that he’ll miss me or I’m his favorite one time he even said that he would
Tape me up and take me home.
He’s very attractive (he’s samoa EVERYONE finds him attractive) and I do check him out but that’s all I’ve ever done I haven’t made no comments like him because I do have a boyfriend.
Well yesterday I told my boss that he did a jerk move by showing me the picture of him and the flexing because I do find him attractive and I unfortunately do like him and that he can’t do that he said he would do better. Well he caught me checking him out and told me try not to fall in love with him I laughed and said I’ll try.
PLEASE PLEASE Don’t bash me I’m doing it to my self already I feel like poop I want to cry cause I don’t know what to do. I love my bf but I like my boss. (Nobody knows what goes on in mine and my bfs life I keep it to my self so my boss doesn’t know.
TL DR:: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years I’m 31F he’s 36M and I do everything for us household wise we haven’t been on a date in years and lately I’ve been crushing on my boss he’s 40M I feel so freaking guilty. Please give me some advice.
Why is my bf like this? What does my boss want from me?
It’s taking everything in me not to cry while Posting this. I can’t tell my bf he’ll just assume I’ve done something already with my boss
15 comments
first of all, stop flirting with your boss. that’s going to lead to a lot more problems that you don’t want.
as far as your boyfriend, are his behaviors a deal breaker for you? it doesn’t sound much like he wants to improve. if this is a deal breaker for you, talk to him about it and if he doesn’t, then you need to leave. *personally, my boyfriend and I both work 40 hours per week, sometimes more, and we both contribute to the household. we both clean, cook, grocery shop, etc. it shouldn’t be so one sided.*
I say this with no accusation, or attempt to hurt your feelings: it sounds like you are easily manipulated. Your boyfriend has been able to get away with manipulating you into doing all the work, and now your boss is manipulating you into liking him. He is abusing his position over you, and doing inappropriate things with you (the touching especially!). I say this so that you are aware and can become stronger in who you are. Stand up for yourself. Stop feeling bad about things that are not your fault. I highly suggest therapy to help you along this journey. You deserve happiness.
Stop flirting with your boss, dump the shitty boyfriend that doesn’t care about your feelings.
Run from both of these men.
Your boss is being inappropriate. I say this from experience. Nothing good will come from it. Just because it’s attention doesn’t make it healthy or positive.
Your boyfriend treats you like an employee without any benefit.
Are you really signing up for 40+ more years of doing all the chores and getting treated like shit and your bf dismissing your concerns when you try to talk to him about it?
Your bf does not respect you or see you as an equal in the relationship. That is why he treats you poorly and doesn’t care to change. After 8 years, I don’t think it’s realistic to expect improvement.
First of all, stop flirting with your boss. It’s a terrible idea to get involved with anyone at work, let alone your supervisor. You need to completely close that off asap. *Literally nothing good* can come from crushing on your boss and he’s obviously a walking red flag since he’s encouraging it.
Second of all, dump your boyfriend. He’s a dud. He doesn’t pull his weight around the house, he’s actively mean to you and doesn’t care about your feelings, and he’s just coasting. You’re his full time housekeeper, not his partner. Break up and go enjoy flirting with some guys who will appreciate you—as long as they’re not your boss.
You’re unhappy in this relationship. You tried talking and working together, it doesn’t work, he refused, basically the quality of your relationship depends on your bf’s mood. You see this and you’re still with him. So he’s doing whatever tf he pleases and you stay, but the people on the Internet can give you a magical solution which isn’t to break up? I mean, you gotta decide. The relationship you chose doesn’t make you happy and your partner isn’t terribly interested in making you happy, what do you expect if you stay? Yes, you are doing it to yourself at the point. How can we help you if you don’t want to help yourself? I’m not saying it’s your fault your bf is a manipulative pos, I’m saying at some point you gotta look at your own actions and ask yourself what you can do to change the situation that makes you unhappy. If you stay, you’re staying because it’s easier than to break up, be alone and possibly look for another partner.
As for your boss, nothing good can come of that. Behave strictly professional, ignore anything he says or does that’s not work related, make it clear you will not stand for inappropriate comments. Escalate the issue to the HR if he refuses to respect the boundaries.
Cut out that nonsense at work unless you can find a new job.
Also lose the loser boyfriend.
You definitely have two distinct issues.
The boyfriend sounds like he isn’t that invested in the relationship. He’s putting in very little effort in maintaining that relationship. You’ve been together for 8 years. Is there any plan to get married? Kids? Retirement? Any kind of future? If not, then it sounds like he’s just coasting with whatever the minimum effort is to get through life and that won’t change any time soon.
The boss is being VERY inappropriate. And think I think that if your relationship with your boyfriend was stronger, you probably would not be so accepting of the boss’s advances. If your home life was more stable and fulfilling, would you be as happy with another man touching you?
Your boss is enjoying the attention. He finds it an ego boost, that’s why he’s encouraging it.
Your boyfriend is just a jerk. He’s like this because he simply doesn’t care about your comfort or welfare enough to do his own chores or take you on a date. He is using aggression to shut down your attempts to connect because he doesn’t want to change or improve or be a better partner. He likes his life as it currently is. This is who he is and only you can decide it it’s worth living with. Personally, I know you deserve better.
Boyfriend is making you unhappy that you’re willingly seeking attention from other men. A boss at that. What your boyfriend is doing is wrong AND what your boss is doing is wrong as well. All kinds of ethics codes being broken here. Do yourself a favor, leave both men alone and seek therapy as to why you have stayed with a man for 8 years that doesn’t care.
Woman, you are 31. Jesus Christ.
Multiple things to unpack.
Your boyfriend blows. He is lazy and let’s you do all the house work. He killed the attraction you had for him because you became his caretaker. You brought up the issue multiple times and he won’t do anything, time to dump him.
Your boss is bad, because he hit on you and made inappropriate moves towards you. Romance at work is bad, especially when it comes from a superior. I suggest leaving that job.
You let yourself develop attraction to your superior. Romance at work is a big no-no. Don’t go for it. Leaving the job might be the best course of action.
You have been with your boyfriend for eight years. He is not going to change. Figure out if you want to stay with him knowing that simple fact. He is not going to change.
I’m sorry, I know you think you’re in control of your life, your boyfriend and your boss are manipulating, your boyfriend is doing it on purpose, their reactions show it, you ask him to do it he only does it when he wants to, stay angry for a while and I didn’t even discuss the problem with you, because he believes you’ll forget, your boss is worse and I’ll say it because men go out like animals, they observe the environment, he saw you not because you are the most beautiful woman, or something like that, he realized by your gestures, conversations, that you were more accessible to him, imagine that he is a predator and you are the stray sheep, that’s basically it, you gave him a sign, listen you are a good person apparently but you seem lost, you say you love your boyfriend but at the same time you are thinking about your boss because your boyfriend doesn’t help around the house, you have an idea of how absurd that is, that’s why I say that you are easily manipulated, before making a mistake that will destroy your relationship, seek professional help, and please don’t have an affair with your boss, as a man I will say it because he will take advantage of you, he will tell you everything you want to hear, he will treat you well, but as soon as you ask for anything more serious he will start making excuses, why you were in a relationship and you were cheating, why would he stay with you, you see what I’m getting at, you would probably be convinced that the affair was a good idea by the time you spent together but the truth is that you you’re saying that to yourself so you don’t see the truth, that you cheated on your partner and you didn’t gain anything from it, worse you lost, another piece of advice about your boyfriend, talk to him, tell him that you’re tired, stressed, that you need help, that these small help with the housework helps you a lot, he needs improvement, but without shouting or losing his temper when they talk, if he insists on not helping, it’s time to impose himself, either he gets better or everyone goes their own way.