My relationship with my husband feels like it’s going down hill.

My husband and I have been together about 5 years now and we had a son last year in August. He recently lost his mother and hasn’t been taking it too well and I’ve been trying to sympathize with him but it feels like he’s pushing me away now. Every day now he tells me to shut up because I’m pissing him off, says something completely different if I ask him why he said that and threatened to start tape recording me which I don’t like being recorded.. he recorded my panic attack he called a tantrum.

Here’s my side of the story: My life hasn’t ever been easy, my own parents didn’t want me and were abusive and I’ve always struggled with self-worth and finding someone who won’t take advantage of my weaknesses and I have a wounded inner child which I feel no one really cares about. I act childish because I didn’t have a childhood, I was always in the system and had to grow up fast to survive. I also over analyze compliments as a threat…

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I understand my husband is grieving but I feel like I’m not allowed to grieve my mother in law, he doesn’t have a job because he can’t work. I have to remind him to take showers but he’s tasked me with taking care of my son, cooking, cleaning, laundry, trash, the whole bit. He used to cook and clean a little bit but all he ever does not is lay on the couch watching TV and having me clean up after him. I can’t get mad, sad, or even relax.. if I retaliate or he riles me up by telling me to shut up because he doesn’t want to work with me he starts screaming “blah, blah, blah, blah” over me but says I’m the problem. I’m childish, I’m annoying, I’m deaf, I don’t do things “his” way AND I’m the perfectionist. But if I get myself a care package for myself because of extra spending money he gets mad at me for not telling him before buying it which turns into a screaming fight and him getting in my face.

I’m trying to take care of a grown adult, child, keep the house spotless, and business and I’m burned out. He says he appreciates me but I don’t see it. Our rent went up too and I never have enough to save up too because he says because I get more money I pay our 600 dollar rent which includes a 39 dollar convenience fee, and the majority of our entertainment subscriptions. I honest to god love him to bits but I’ve overwhelmed. And for clarification he pays the joint phone bill and utilities but talking to him isn’t possible when he starts riling me up which I’m not allowed to complain. He’s already said: “If you’re going to act like a child, I’ll treat you like one” which makes my blood boil.