I have been with my partner for a little over a year. I don’t know how significant that is to most people, but for me and my partner, this was our longest relationship. I ended our relationship because I was tired of him always trying to take the easy way out of arguments. Every time he upset me, he would often try to make the problem seem small or act as if I worry too much about it. He hates confrontation and would put off difficult conversations as long as I could and would often try to do whatever he could to solve the problem quickly to avoid tension, even if he didn’t really understand my feelings or the issue at hand. The final straw was me finding out he still had explicit photos of his ex-partner, and once again he tried to minimize the problem and say I worry too much.
So I broke up with him. Before I met him, I hadn’t ever loved anyone I had dated. I met him and it was a slap in the face of “your life is never going to be the same” and we just clicked. I never had an immediate bond with someone before in my life, and from the second we met, we were impossible to find apart. We were best friends for a year before he confessed to me and we began to date. This is my first real relationship, but I’m doing fine despite it ending.
I’m pretty emotional, but it’s been a few weeks since the breakup and I have yet to cry. My friends all told me that I was probably processing things, and the sadness may come later. It hasn’t happened yet, and my friends are getting confused. Truthfully, I’m confused too. I thought I would be crushed, have my heart in shambles like the movies, especially since the breakup was not clean at all. Sure, I have some discomfort every now and then, like when I have to adjust my day-to-day activities to accommodate his lack of presence, but it feels different than sadness. I’ve tried to focus on my feelings and think about my relationship to see if I feel anything, but I don’t feel any heartache. My roommates believe that I’m keeping my guard up, but I think I would be able to tell if I was faking being okay.
Deep down, I’m worried that means I wasn’t as invested in my relationship as I thought I was. Perhaps I had mentally checked out of the relationship earlier? Has someone gone through a similar lackluster breakup?
TL;DR! I broke up with my partner of a year and don’t feel sad.
3 comments
You’re not supposed to feel any particular way. When you feel confident in your breakup, it’s usually easier to process the emotions, and it sounds like you had some reason to feel like this was a good choice.
>Perhaps I had mentally checked out of the relationship earlier?
This is the most likely scenario.
Some people end up processing the end of the relationship, before the end of the relationship. So it makes sense that when you end it, you are pretty prepared. Also, you broke up for many reasons…and if those reasons made a lot of sense to you then you probably processed that before you made the decision.
You still may break down crying one day when it hits you. We’re all different, and how we deal with these things varies greatly.
But it does not mean you are a bad person, or that you were not invested in the relationship. It was also 1 year. I remember I was pretty emotional after a 5+ year relationship where we talked about marriage etc. But that made sense because I was definitely the most invested in the relationship than any other I had been in. The reality is, your first relationship is always going to be the most intense one, because you have no idea what to do or what is going to happen.
You could already have mourned the relationship long ago or maybe it will hit later. Could be both.
I know mine ending had me sobbing endlessly but with me frustrated over it because I knew it was for the best logically.
It will always vary but don’t fight it when it comes. You deserve to mourn losing something once important to you.