I am 23F and is graduating. I feel like a lot will change after grad when it comes to my friendships.
For reference, I am the type of person who continuously strives to change myself for the better. When I decide to change, my closest friends always tells me that I’ve changed. To be honest, I am proud. Because my change is intentional.
Starting when I was in 7th grade, I learned how to make friends. I stuck with a few even when we pursued different stuff at college. One friend keeps tabs on me. I can feel her drive to maintain the friendship. It is also from her that I learned how to check up on friends.
But I feel like we are not open with each other. We met when we were both awkward teenagers. Our friendship didn’t really start maturely compared to friendships I made later, when it was easier to share stuff and start on the right foot. In addition, this Friend A and I used to be polar opposites and our personalities kinda became more similar through spending time with each other for 6 years in highschool.
I like the fact that we are both private people. But it feels like we both changed and have to get to know each other again. Sometimes, interaction between us is awkward when we meet each other. Despite almost 10 years of friendship.
Aside from Friend A, I also have Friend B from the same friend group which started as a hobby friend. This friend B is very introverted that I am always the one checking up on her, but she don’t do the same for me. However, she was there when I needed her most. Although she doesn’t know what to do. I take it that she still hasn’t learn on sustaining friendships. I want to keep her but I don’t want to put efforts one-sidedly.
Friend A and Friend B… We kinda didn’t hang out much for 4 years because we are both busy with university, have different organization responsibilities and other engagements. Friend A sets up meeting scheds which is fine. For Friend B, we didn’t feel the need to set up meetings. We never thought it would matter. But turns out it does.
Both friendships have different dynamics. But for both, we need to get to know each other again. We all changed. Any tips on how to “get to know” an old friend all over again?
2 comments
Here is my thought! You may refer it, but not abide it!
For friend A, I think you and her must be get along with her very well, because you and her made a almost 10-year long friendship, and she even will give you a friend meeting for you!
So, I recognize she is still willing to be contact with you!
When she still willing to contact with you, then she must be wanted to share something with you! Or she won’t be making a friend-meeting schedule for you.
I cannot know the detail of whether she is talking very initiative or just completely silence when you meet her.
Sure, keep a distant with your friend is very important. But, if you don’t kinda feel comfortable at the scene, then it’ll become a very awkward situation. So, don’t be awkward when you both meet! You may talk about what happen to you recently, or listen to her and try to find out the similarity between you and your friend A! We can try to be opened to other, but not too much! You can try to open a topic with everything, and find what she is her actually interest.
Or you can ask how her had been recently! Then prolong the topic.
You may also try to find a topic inside her conversation! And maybe trying to prolong the topic after she over.
If you feeling awkward, then I will give my bless for you! Make you being brave enough to do it!
As for friend B, I think you don’t need to think too much about her. I assume she must just be shy to express her real self. If you can, you may try to seize the chance of asking her what she thinks about you.
Yes, I guess everyone have a lot of things need to be dealt with in this world! Especially after we finished our college. However, if you think you cannot give up on friend A and B, then you may try to being more open or initiative to them.
If we still cannot leave then, then don’t be too sad about it.
Because old ones gone, new one comes.
There is nothing is permanent yet nothing is ending.
After all, ending is another new start.
(I am sorry for the wrong in my comment, because I am a foreigner. My native language isn’t English. So, if any typo and grammar wrongs, I wish you can forgive me.
Also, these are just my opinion. You can refer it, but not abide it!)
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