How did you decide that introducing your bf/gf to your children would be a good thing for all of you?

9 comments

1. One thing I would recommend you start doing (If you aren’t already) is make sure your children know you’re dating. Start talking about him around the dinner table or when you’re driving them to school or whatever your daily routine is with them.

   If the first time they hear about this guy is 2 weeks before they meet him it’s going to be awkward no matter what. You want to build anticipation, engage their curiosity. They should feel like they already know him vicariously though you talking about him all the time.

   Time wise? Soon (if not already) any fear you have of the guy just up and vanishing will feel like an absurdity rather than a possibility. Between that and your kids pestering you to meet up, it’ll feel pretty natural at that point.

2. In my last long term relationship post divorce, we both met each others kids after dating for 6M. It was when we acknowledged the long term potential of the relationship and wanted to further pressure test adding the kids into the mix – how they got along with each other, how we got along with the other’s kids, etc. In my mind, I could get along fabulously with someone, but if they don’t mesh well with my child, then there’s no hope for the relationship. So, I want it far enough along I see the potential, but not so far down the road that if adding my kid into the mix makes it fall apart, then it feels like “wasted time” and it’s that much harder to end things.

3. >I think my man and I have long-term potential, but I want to see how my BF does with my children before entangling our lives.

   This would be a perfect time. For me, my new partner needed to have that “forever” potential. If I didn’t see a permanent future with them, I wouldn’t introduce them to my kids. Plus, not keeping them a secret from your kids makes dating so much easier as well.

4. Because both my child and my committed partner are large parts of my life so I see no reason not to intertwine them.
   I feel if I’ve committed and you’re my gf, I plan on having you in my life for as far in the future I can see. Of course I’d want her to be involved in my child’s life too.
   IF it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. I try not to live my life around things not working out and focus on the positive aspect of things.

5. If I get to the point I have a committed relationship then my kids 8 and 11 get to decide who they meet and when they meet them. They are aware when I go out on a date or if something is just hanging out with friends. They ask questions and are curious about people and why things work or didn’t work. I talk about my life and give them honesty so that when they venture off into the dating world they will talk to me about their lives.

6. I’m in a new relationship and have decided 5 months from now is appropriate. It’s a picnic that they will meet.

   I’m not afraid to move fast in the relationship and she isn’t either, but both agree introducing our kids to each other needs restraint.

7. If you see a future and he’s comfortable doing it, it’s worth meeting.

   You could try to set up a soft meet around an event. Ex: a backyard cookout for a holiday where you’ve invited a few friends with kids to join. Introduce him as “my friend” and keep physical affection minimal. That’s how my girlfriend and I met one anothers children. It gives your kids the benefit of having friends to run off with and relieves pressure on anyone to perform.

   From there pick some kid friendly activities in open spaces like the zoo, park, etc.

   Your 11 year old is probably old enough to understand this, though.

8. I’d say the sooner the better. Waiting a year to find out your kids don’t like the partner just wastes both of your times.

9. I would only introduce kids once you are at the level of discussing engagement