Im 19 yo female. I’ve never had sex. All sexual experience I have is when one time a boy was touching me between my thighs and I was pulling his hair. Nothing more. (Well maybe kissing many girls and few boys while drunk on parties, but this doesn’t really count to me)
Since I can remember my main focus everyday was thinking about sex related stuff, or just stuff that I found arousing. Im mostly into bdsm, but I also find plain non-sexual violence in movies to be a turn on. Since I had access to the internet I used to obsessively watch action movies in hopes of finding that one single scene where somebody gets tied up or beaten or hopefully both, and this cycle caused me to be aroused for pretty much most of the given day.
I have huge appreciation for any sexual acts, they’re beautiful to me, and I know I’ll need a lot of them to feel fulfilled in life.
Not so long ago I still felt very uncomfortable in my body, not worthy of love, confused about my life, I had gender issues (I wasn’t sure who I identify as), and many more problems, which all have caused me to never make any move on anybody or never realize when somebody was making obvious moves onto me. ( Also my parents have never had any more sexual partners before or after each other, so that was another factor that affected me.)
But now for some time I’ve grown to like myself very much, to find myself highly attractive and have none of those problems which troubled me before.
Yet because of everything i went through, everything that was holding me back, right now in my mind, it just seems impossible to simply have sex. To just simply flirt with someone just because I want to. I’ve never ever done that due to reasons I wrote before, and now it just seems surreal. Surreal that it could be that easy, to just fuck someone or kiss someone or hug someone. My whole life was absent of that, so why would the world allow me to change from now on.
I find many people attractive and I wanna do many things to them, and I believe I would be very good at it, and they would enjoy it, and still, I just feel like it would be out of place to simply suddenly show my appreciation for someone’s looks. I don’t even need a serious relationship, I just want to have fun with someone and feel mutual attraction to each other for a few moments.
So I guess my question would be how do i fix myself?
Do any of you relate to anything I wrote?
I will appreciate any response at all, if even one person reads this it will mean a lot to me.
3 comments
dépends on how you view sex
some people only want to have sex with people they care about
some dont
some people regularly uses condoms, get tested and inform partners if other people are involved
some don’t
just depends on how much you’re willing to risk or if you even care at all
I’d say be very sure you are willing to have sex with your partner and you are ok with any aftermath that may happen to you after sex. Whether it’s STD, emotional attachment, and other self-esteem related issues. Don’t do it for the sake of having fun. I got my heart very broken after having sex with someone who left me (yes, we agreed casual sex nothing more beforehand). The oxytocin release is just biological and it’s hard to fight against those feelings easily. I’d say be cautious and make sure you are ready and trust your partner. It’s your decision, good luck!
Girl you ARE attractive!!! You’re hot as hell!
I’m into bdsm, too. Sometimes I think the idea of it becoming a reality feels scary. You know, I like feeling vulnerable!! I guess when I imagine my best-case scenario, I start to feel intimidated by the idea of putting myself out there! Maybe you relate, maybe not, but I guess it’s just a matter of getting used to something new. We all fear the unknown.
I will say, I kissed my best friend. I was a little disappointed, but it made me feel a lot braver and comfortable in my own skin. The surreal-ness went a way quite a bit! Same with kissing an old friend after my breakup.
I didn’t even embrace the thought of having crushes until I was maybe 15. I didn’t masturbate until I was 17, so I really understand the ‘surreal’ element. I’m not sure if I’m any help, but you’re not alone, and I think this sort of this might be more common than we think <3