Iv posted maybe a week ago, but as I have been reading some Reddit’s I have ran across some marriages who have separated to live on there own for a while to fix things.
Little context: I have been the sole source of income for the past 10 months in which was only suppose to last 16 weeks. I have become drained and let down because he has continued to say he can’t finish, had a mental block and so on.
I have been starting to feel quiet some resentment towards him because how many times I have been let down. I feel it is necessary that we live separately for a while until he can complete his self and be well adjusted. I have become so drained by keeping us both up while continuing to be let down.
If you have experienced living separately to fix y’all’s marriage what was your outcome?
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I’m hard-pressed to think how living separately would fix a marriage. In short, you aren’t practicing being in a relationship, and dealing with behaviors that cause difficulties.
Separation in marriage can help you see if your problems are coming from the marriage or not. If you still have struggles after separation, then it may be something intrinsic to you, like a health issue, or anger issues, or what have you. But if your stress drops away when you separate, and life is easier on your own, that’s a clue that you should probably move to divorce.
“Probably” is the key, because if you and your spouse still want to be married, *therapy* would be the thing to try before separation. Talking with a professional marriage counselor can help you understand issues you might not recognize. Even if there’s something which causes friction with your spouse, it may be that you both have assumptions which are wrong, and learning how to change those assumptions could also make life easier…rather than separation and divorce.
So, going to couples therapy in order to work out what’s needed can help. Perhaps you find out that your partner doesn’t *want* to work on the marriage, or feels unable to do so because of other issues. Separation may be an idea in such cases…perhaps one or the other of you has been engaging in self-deception about how much you want to be in a relationship, or how independent you really are, so living apart can emphasize such stuff. But I’d think it would be better to get to that choice when other therapeutic avenues have been exhausted.