I (f25) is dating a M(27) My bf is incredibly needy and requires me to constantly text him throughout the day. He expects me to send him romantic essays to him and when I don’t, he gets upset thus leading to a fight. It’s getting to me now and idk what to do. He also doesn’t get the concept of needing personal space in a relationship.
17 comments
He might have a anxious attachment
You are dating a child. He should know as adults we all have lives, him wanting affection at all times probably stems from his past. He is acting like a child which makes me think it was a problem in his childhood. This is a lot of baggage, if your willing to handle all this go ahead, I personally would not stand it.
Probably talk to him about it. Sometimes there’s needy types in relationships and if you’re not into that and it’s causing problems, maybe reconsider the relationship or seek therapy for both of you if needed.
Stupid question, but have you guys talked about this issue? Has he told you why he expects that much from you and what it means to him when you don’t text him throughout the day?
Is this really something you can see yourself doing long term? He needs to have his own life and not rely on you for everything. Text everyday sure, but not all day and long essays
Seems like a compatibility issue tbh. In his mind he’s probably confused as to why you’re not showering him with stuff the way he is to you. My sister would vent to me all the time that her bfs never gave her as much attention as she gave them etc., where I’m more like you wanting some space in my relationships. 🤷♂️
If you’ve already let him know that his behaviour isn’t what you like.
It probably is what it is.
It will also permeate into other areas and can cause him to be controlling.
This sounds like a couple of my exes who were like that if I didn’t reply right away through text or let alone not call them they would throw a hissy fit
If this continues to be a problem and your BF isn’t understanding that people are busy throughout the day and isn’t reasonable that you can text him later on in the day whether it’s be hours later. Then clearly he isn’t mature enough to be dating since people aren’t always glued on their phones 24/7
As a guy myself, if I have a girlfriend who takes some time to reply like hours later. I always give them a benefit of a doubt that she may be busy doing something and vice versa
His insecurity is not your fault, not your responsibility.
He is becoming controlling, and may invade more of your life, demand more of your time and attention, leaving no room for regular friends.
Back off from him for a weekend away with other friends, a girls away weekend. If he protests much, break it off entirely. He has a hole in his soul he cannot fill.
He might become a stalker. Be prepared to ask for help from law enforcement and friends if he does.
Good luck.
Does he have jealousy issues?
Buy him the book “Attached”…sounds like he’s a anxious attachment type. Not necessarily a bad thing but having awareness, acceptance, and strategies on how to deal with it…him deal with it…will change everything. Also a therapist will help with his attachment stuffs
If you really love him…and want to work through this…then don’t make him feel bad. Try to be in solution.
Also you reading the book will help you understand him and your attachment type.
He’s insecure and possibly feels anxiety when you aren’t around each other.
It isn’t healthy for him to feel this way and unless he confronts what his problems are, he might eventually become even more possessive and controlling.
Sounds like anxious attachment. My ex girlfriend was constantly requiring reassurance and extra things even know she knew I loved her. She ended up leaving me for a guy who bought her things everyday without me knowing. Some people just crave constant attention.
I was talking to a guy like this. We weren’t even dating and he got upset because I didn’t call him pet names. It’s not something I normally do especially for someone I’m not even dating. I think you should have a talk with him about this. If this continues it’s going to be a huge problem down the road.
Just sounds like the two of you don’t fit together very well, and that’s ok.
It also sounds like each of you wants the other person to be something they are not, so maybe better just to part ways.
Ok, I’m going to assume you’re getting used to using flowery language from so many romantic texts, and he’s not actually expecting “essays”…
I’m also going to assume his primary “love languages” (worth googling if you don’t know what that is) are “Words of Affirmation” and “Quality Time”, and yours just aren’t.
It may be that he has an anxious attachment style and you have an avoidant attachment style, which is a pretty common dynamic that there are tons of youtube videos about…
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In any case, neither of you are “wrong”, but you may be wrong for each other – as your needs are clearly very different and may not be compatible.
You text him!
This:
“I am sorry but you take up way too much of my time and demand too much of my attention. I am going to stop seeing you and texting you now. Have a nice life.”