I made 2 friends at school some weeks ago, the one week we stayed in a study room and were there for about 5 hours because we have an AM and PM class we all go to. None of us ate, so the next week I made sandwiches, and the week after that some dumplings. I put a lot of effort into it (like 2-3 hours and I buy some ingredients). My dad asked why do I do it and what do they do for me , and my friend said it makes me seem desperate, 1 or 2 times is ok but every week is weird. I feel stupid and weird for doing it now. I’m autistic so I have trouble understanding social boundaries and stuff. They don’t talk to me much outside of school so I’m worried they don’t actually like me or my food. I don’t make friends often so I want them to like me, but I’m just trying to be nice, not weird . I was going to make food again this week, now i feel weird
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I think what you did is wonderful. In future tho, I’d do it the first time (as it will always be welcome the first time) but I wouldn’t keep doing it unless everyone wants to take turns. That will stop you from being taken advantage of or be misdiagnosed as desperate.
Please don’t stop doing nice things for friends. But don’t give anyone more than one freebie.
It was a very thoughtful and kind thing you did. It wasn’t weird. You just need to be careful not to do it so much that they are taking advantage of you. If someone did this for me, the next study session I would try to buy some snacks and items for them to repay their generosity and kindness. Also you might want to take into account if they are financially disadvantaged and can’t afford to get food.
No, you are just being a caring person and sharing, if people say you are desperate just dont give em sandwitches, its a favor not a requirement know your value and dont listen to that comment
I don’t think it’s weird. You guys have a study group and you noticed that you guys didn’t eat, and so you decided to be nice and bring food unprompted, as a kind gesture to your friends. I love to bake and cook for people! It’s only desperate if you’re desperate. Which based on this alone, you don’t seem to be.
I do think that they may be compartmentalizing the relationship, and viewing you guys as “work” friends rather than personal friends, which is why they may not talk to you much outside of class.
I still don’t think it’s weird to bring food *if it’s what you want to do.* As long as you’re not being pressured into it, you’re not pushing it on them, just being casual about it, and it’s being accepted with gratitude, I don’t see what the problem is at all.
Don’t let people even family dampen your light. Some of us shine bright and are thoughtful and caring and really like to do nice things for folks. Do what brings you joy. Not for likes but for joy.
Just get keen on being able to sense appreciation and reciprocity. Friends should appreciate and reciprocate that appreciation in some sort of fashion and it sounds like they are! That’s a good sign. When you sense it’s off that’s ok too and you can decide when to pull back a bit. It’s also true that in friend groups different folks can take different roles. Like your good at remembering food but maybe one of friends shares their notes and the other drives you guys to the diner afterwards etc
Some folks even parents can be grumps. That’s ok. You just continue being you 😊
Your are an absolute legend, I know it sounds trite but kindness is it’s own reward. If you enjoy being nice then keep doing it and keep being awesome.
I absolutely love when people feed me. Especially all day of not eating. I applaud you.
This is such a lovely post, you are a wonderful person and they would be lucky to have such a kind and thoughtful friend 🙂
I’d say don’t go too hard on the food but tasty snacks are appreciated, like the moment you start making some serious dishes that need cutlery is when you’re overextending yourself.
Are you allowing yourself to repeat the same finger food? It’s okay if you do.
Also look at the time frame for how long this will be going, when does the class end? Maybe offer to celebrate with a little cake near the last week.
It’s also okay to ask the Neurotypicals things, but don’t be pushy because they could be broke and just want to keep the interaction as just a study group.
I would have loved to have such a thoughtful friend when I was in school. But if they are not reciprocating in some way, I would not be as generous so frequently. I can’t tell you how many times though I either forgot to pack food or just didn’t bring enough to get me through the whole day and would have been so grateful to have someone bring me study snacks.
No not weird at all!!!! I love cooking and feeding my buddies. Unfortunately some of my cronies are methheads and I forget about them not having appetites very often so lately I’ve been cooking just for myself and my two cats
That’s totally fine. I don’t think it’s weird or desperate at all. To this day I still remember the kind people who offered me food in those days and have good memories of them, thought it was sweet/awesome.
As I was reading through your post I assumed you were autistic before I got to the point where you mention it. You’re a college student, you don’t need to worry about feeding others unless they’re really in need and they’re a close friend to you. It’s a nice gesture but don’t make it a routine.
Save yourself time and focus with your studies. You’ll have people who like you for who you are and others who don’t really care about you.
Home cooked meals are great. And to the right people will show authenticity.
It is definitely NOT weird, very thoughtful of you, and if you enjoy doing it then just continue.
I’m a little more selfish in that regard, where I would only start to invest after I see them invest but you’re more outgoing and that’s a great quality to have, Don’t doubt yourself and be confident always.
It’s just called being a decent person. If being kind by making food for others because you care is what we call “weird” then what do we consider normal.
I’d say that it was awesome that you did that for the group. You might want to reconsider doing it again/multiple times to save yourself time and money as well as not risk getting taken advantage of (seems doubtful though, but what do I know).
You’re an amazing person and I’m sure your food tastes delicious! Thats the cutest thing ever just like other commenters suggested maybe do it just once or once every few weeks so no one gets the wrong impression.
Best of luck! 😊
It’s not weird, niceness is just foreign to human culture now for some reason. What you do is honorable. Once a month I bring a crock pot full of food for my coworker, simply because I want everyone to have a good lunch every now and then. What you do doesn’t have to be transactional as your father insinuated, it’s pure love and grace. Continue to be kind, don’t be a push over tho.
Next time they call you weird just say, “ok, but what would y’all like on the sammiches next week tho?”
Nope. That’s kind of you.
The way I look at it is this, if you just turn up with home cooked food then yes it could be looked upon as being a bit odd.
If however you said you were trying different recipes or just experimenting with cooking different things, just give them a couple of days notice and expect some feedback, could have done with being a little longer, needs xyz in the mix.
Besides who doesn’t like free food
From one “giver” to another; a lesson in friendship and relationship reciprocation:
**Do you enjoy making food for them?**
* If you enjoy **the action of preparing the food** in itself
* And you’re doing it **because you enjoy it** (and not because other people expect it or because you want a certain reaction from others)
* and you **have the financial means and the time** to prepare the food
* and before anyone gave their opinion, you **didn’t feel conflicted about what you were getting back** from the people who receive your food
Then, **go for it!**
**There is nothing wrong with doing nice things if your motivation is intrinsic. Other people’s opinions on your generosity don’t matter if you feel fulfilled by the act of giving and are not going out of your way to give.**
– It’s okay if your meta-motivation behind the enjoyment is because you like these people, as long as *you’re not doing it specifically to achieve an end result (get them to like you)*
If you feel any emotional, financial, or time conflict about preparing food for these people, *other than the opinions others have brought up about it*, then that’s the time to step back and consider if you’re making food too often.
I once had friends around for one of the World Cup matches. She was coming straight from work, so I put out snacks. Just some pizza, crisps and dips etc, nothing special. I got told it was a stupid idea. But she came with her boyfriend and was so thankful for the snacks, I now don’t listen to other people. If you want to do something nice, do something nice. It’s not desperate.
I don’t think it’s weird at all. I’ve never heard anyone say that making food for other people is an act of desperation? I would be incredibly thankful that someone was kind and thoughtful enough to cook for me but on that same note If you’re the only one supplying food and no one else offers to contribute then I wouldn’t continue to waste my time and good intentions on ungrateful people.
Wow people making you feel weird for doing something pure and selfless
If someone I was studying with or working on something with made food for us, I’d be extremely happy & thankful. I’d literally think it was the sweetest thing even if I didn’t know them that well. I don’t think it’s desperate at all! You could even ask them if they have dietary restrictions or have any ideas for what you could make next time. Maybe they’d have some input & like to be involved 😊
If your hobby is cooking, then do it every now and then. As a treat and to show appreciation for your mates.
Do it too much and people are going to lose gratitude for it.