Throwaway because she has an account too.
I’m with her for 19 years and after all those years, we still have a good sex life. So no complaining there. But it looks we have a total different body language. I like to hug her, she frequently put up her elbows to block me. I love to go down on her, it’s not until recently, after I asked her, she gave me a blowjob. As we were much younger, she would just spontaneously do it.
About those blowjobs… She definitely won’t let me finish in her mouth (left alone swallowing) and last time I ate her out (after I came), I had sperm on my mouth and wanted to kiss her, she was horrified and grossed out, I had to wash it of before I could kiss her. I don’t mind to stimulate her anus with my finger, she gets very excited by that, but she refuses to do the same with me (even when I had a klysma and a shower). And you can guess what she thinks of rimming me (I rim her occasionally, which is very exciting for her too).
I think it’s healthy she sets her boundaries, but I can’t help feeling rejected. We had some talks with a sex therapist and she didn’t take sides, but we all agreed nobody had to do something that’s beyond a boundary.
I wonder on how to cope with this. Because I feel like she isn’t comfortable with my body, even though I have good hygiene, work out in the gym,… Is there any advice you can give me, because I don’t think I will be able to change her, it’s something she can’t help I guess?
4 comments
Only advice I can give is find someone that will give all you need life’s to short not to be getting satisfied and it’s been 19 years ? It’s obviously she’s not changing.
Get a hormone profile done on her! I’m assuming this woman is at least 40? Here testosterone and estrogen and prolactin balance are probably crashed because of her age!
Wish this was more readily known in the mainstream. HRT is a great option and helps so many people, men and women.
i’m very similar to your wife. personally it’s me that’s holding me back not my husband. we’ve been together 12 years, yesterday was the FIRST time initiated and blew him to completion. it’s been my own head the whole time, mainly lack of confidence. talk to her about it! even if it’s something she’s done before maybe something along the way changed. maybe she had expectations of an event that didn’t go how she thought now she’s self conscious. maybe she’s not sure how you want this and doesn’t want to ask. some barriers like gloves or maybe a dam might help her explore things without worry. being in a similar boat i have to constantly reassure my husband it’s me not him and when i’m feeling really frisky i go for it.
I’m not hearing that she has an aversion to your body. I’m hearing that she has an aversion to licking a place where poop comes out, and swallowing bodily fluids. She’s averse to certain sex *acts*, not to your body. I don’t think it’s about you.
She doesn’t want to do these things. There’s a good chance she never will. If you can’t live with that, break up. But otherwise, people are allowed to have sex acts that they don’t want to do. It’s not fair to pressure her into doing something she’s not comfortable with.