Hey! So I met this guy a few months ago, and I really like him. He is super respectful, and exactly the kind of guy I want in every way. For context, I did make it clear to him that I don’t sleep with someone I’m not in a relationship with.
A few weeks ago, he asked me to be his girlfriend and we had a honest talk about a lot of things….among those, he told me he is demisexual and told me he can’t get hard unless he really knows the person, no matter how attracted to them he is. I was like “ok cool, I’m fine with that and willing to wait but I do think it’s an important part of a relationship that I need.” And his response was “don’t worry, you’ll be taken care of in every way.”
In those few weeks, we’ve made out, cuddled, etc but haven’t had sex. He asked me to sleep over the other day but I couldn’t bc of school. And it just hasn’t happened and he hasn’t really tried to move things beyond kissing and cuddling.
He constantly tells me how attracted to me he is, but I’m getting anxious about when it will happen and what him being demisexual means for me. What should I do?
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Demisexual is literally just saying oh I can’t enjoy one night stands. Etc. It’s a vapid term used mostly by pickup artists and creeps to create a false sense of security in their partner. He might not even be aware of it. Go and Google any of the studies behind it, the conclusion is that it’s not a thing and just a cry for sttention
He experiences more attraction as he gets to know you as a person. With a demisexual man, you have to take it slow and build an emotional connection!
His libido may end up being just fine, or not. I’d say give it a few more months and keep talking.
Ask him. We can’t know.
I’m the same way (demi). In my 65 years I have been a serial monogamoust because of it. I had one fuck buddy for a month or two but I had no emotional connection so there was no mental satisfaction for me despite great sex. I learned something about myself from that.
I was always ready for sex within a few hours of talking with my partners, assuming we clicked. From then onwards we were fine.
I have a very high libido, so there is no way that I would wait after we clicked emotionally. It’s hard to find a partner with both the very high libido and compatible personality, so there’s no point in wasting time with incompatible partners. If they wanted to wait after clicking emotionally then I would assume that they either had some hangup or low libido or both, so no point continuing.
Just my life experience. His may we completely different.
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As a Demi we are all different the emotional click can be 3 weeks or 6 mths or years. For me it depends on if the guy wants to get to know me and sex isn’t a priority to get me into bed. I have tried hookups casual and it just leaves me empty. So talk to him about his feelings and work with him. I know Demi guys have it a bit harder for being pressured into sex because of Society expectations. R/Demisexual might help if you need more insight.
Patience is a virtue.