I have lost romantic feelings for my current boyfriend as he does not meet my expectations in a relationship. I feel like I am somewhat stuck with him because if I would break up with him completely then it would be bad for me financially and he would be completely broken.
He has had a pretty tough childhood where his mother was never there and he was constantly neglected. He grew up poor and has had to go through a lot of traumatic events, as well as growing up with bad influence. I am pretty convinced he has PBD and that he is too attached to me as I feel somewhat of a mother figure to him. I have given him a chance for a better and calmer life with a lot of support but since I have depression I need that support and help just like he does.
I do most chores around our home – cleaning, cooking, laundry, dishes and even though i have told him to be more involved in helping me out he still has not shown his effort. We both have a job, although his salary is higher than mine, and without his financial support i wouldn’t be able to pay rent and all bills.
Lately our relationship has been very rocky as I don’t want to be romantic or intimate with him and he normally isn’t an intimate person at all. He does sincerely apologise with flowers when he has done something to upset me though, which I like a lot and appreciate.
When we fight we fight loudly and aggressively (but never physically) and I have told him four times now that I do not want to be with him as I don’t have feelings anymore but he loves me and is very attached. He has shown me unconditional care because he is terrified of losing me.
At this point I feel like i am stuck in life because I can’t really be free and live my own life anymore because no matter of my feelings he still wants to be with me and I genuinely believe he would be back to rock bottom when I would leave him completely and cut all ties.
I want to know if I should do what’s best for me and break up, which would result in hurting him a lot(which i would not forgive myself) or try to fix our relationship and change him as a person so he would be who i want him to be.
tl;dr: my boyfriend is extremely attached to me but i have lost feelings towards him and i want to break up. He does not let me go and is begging for a chance to continue being together. should i break up and cut all ties or give him a chance to be better person for me.
5 comments
He doesn’t need to let you go. If you decide that you want to end this relationship, you do it.
Don’t stay with someone out of guilt or fear. It’s better to be alone than in a toxic relationship.
You should break up with him and cut all ties. You cannot change him.
It’s not his decision, it’s yours, whether he is doing it on purpose or not it’s abusive to emotionally manipulate you into continuing a relationship you don’t want to continue
Your explanation is pretty cold and rationale, which is good, but if you’re absolutely sure that you have no feelings anymore and you want out you need to make a plan to get out of the co-living situation ASAP as you will never realistically move on in that environment, and most importantly it won’t feel real to him, you’ll have to downsize or flat share if you can’t afford the rent on your own
If you’re not sure, and you want to give him another chance (don’t listen to people on here obviously you are the only one that knows if there is any chance in this) you cannot keep framing it as you are to him. You need to sit him down and say – this is your final chance but I need x and y and z and if I don’t get it I’ll be moving out – but you need to be absolutely sure that’s worth doing because if you think it will most likely fail you’re risking both of your mental health and delaying the inevitable. It’s not kind to give him another chance if it’s ultimately going to fail it’s ultimately harmful
Very sorry for you this sounds like a very difficult situation but for both your sakes you need to make a decision and stick to it
The great thing about breakups is the dumpee doesn’t get to veto it. Dump him and stand firm. Go no contact.