How would you feel? I’ve been working at the same place for almost 2 years. I’m 29F, but most of the people I work with are 35-40 range. I’ve been invited to a few social events, but for the most part I am excluded. I’ve been purposely excluded on a few occasions I know of for certain. I got invited to my boss’s house for a company and friends lunch, but I sincerely do not want to go. I don’t work with many people, there are only 6 people total on staff besides myself. They regularly meet for lunches of this sort, and have been for months, yet this is my first time being invited. They have a gaming group, and other hobbies they will all spend time with each other on their days off. I feel left out so much of the time, the past 2 years, I don’t even want to go out with them anymore it just sounds exhausting to listen to them talk about all their time spent hanging out with each other. I have the day off from my other job, but I still would rather just stay at home by myself. A part of me is concerned this could reflect badly on me, but I simply do not want to go. What would you do? How can I politely decline without giving myself away & being rude?
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I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling left out at work. It’s important that you prioritize your mental health and wellbeing, so if you’re not comfortable attending the lunch, it’s completely understandable. Here are some steps you can take:
1. Thank your boss for the invitation and let them know that unfortunately, you won’t be able to make it. You don’t need to provide a lengthy explanation, a simple “Thank you so much for the invitation, but I won’t be able to attend” is sufficient.
2. If you feel comfortable, you could also let your boss know that you don’t want to be a burden and understand that they have their own friendships within the group. You can say something like, “I appreciate the invitation, but I don’t want to intrude on your event. I understand you all have your own friendships and that’s completely okay.”
3. If you’re concerned about appearing rude or giving yourself away, you can politely decline and then suggest an individual or small group activity to bond with your coworkers. You could say something like, “I won’t be able to make it to the lunch, but perhaps we can plan something small for just a few of us next week?”
Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own wellbeing and do what feels comfortable for you.