I love topics of crime, horror, death, gore, everything in-between. I dont talk about it all the time though, I mostly talk about positive stuff. My friends are around 3-5 years older than me (there’s a big group of us) most of them who’ve gone through difficult times. We’ve all been friends for over 4 years now. Sometimes I joke around or tell them triggering stuff without thinking about it, and when called out, I apologise profusely and try to change topics. I obviously respect their feelings and would never do anything to try and deliberately hurt them. I do think I just felt too comfortable with their company because I trust them (when I dont trust easily).
Last night over Discord we were talking and I mentioned how I saw this collage of cats that almost gave me a “mini heart attack.” Like the cats were sitting on the garden tools and it looked like they were impaled; the post was generally received positively by viewers and I had a bit of a laugh. My friends didn’t think it wasn’t as funny as I thought it was and one of them sighed like they thought it was just one of the times I’m being weird or going to say something stupid. I felt upset, discouraged and embarrassed after that, and today it did kind of dawn on me that I might be too weird/annoying/dark for them. Kinda makes me wanna disappear for a while, like MIA so people don’t have to deal with me.
Am I overthinking this? 🙁
Tl;dr: i love dark topics/humour and i have to constantly censor myself from upsetting friends and because i respect them. I think my friends of 4 years think I’m too weird and exhausting.
1 comment
I don’t think you’re weird. At some point your real friends will take you as you are and not worry about what you’re into. They would find common ground. You shouldn’t pretend to be something other than yourself but if they won’t accept who you are then that’s a them problem. If they were your friends they’d have a hissy fit and get over it. Keeping things inside all the time is mentally draining and you actually don’t grow as a person if you’re not expressing yourself in the way that you want to. I’m not a professional, this is just my experience/ 2 cents. Hope it helps.