so just to clarify, this isn’t a concern for me regarding his weight. he’s a skinny guy, and i am the one who is overweight and going through a weight loss journey. we are long distance for 2 years now, we officially move in together in may.
like i said, im going through a weight loss journey. i eat fairly healthy now with a treat every once in a while. my boyfriend eats fast food almost every day, and it’s starting to be a little bit of a turn off. his excuse is always “my parents don’t have anything in the kitchen” but also because my diet has changed so much it’s just starting to gross me out a little bit.
how i should bring this up to him? is it even worth it to say something?
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What are you asking for advice on?
What do you want from him? Do you want him to not eat take out when you live together? Do you think it will make it hard for you to stick to your diet or are you truly grossed out by people eating fast food? You need to decide what it is that you want before you know how to approach the conversation.
As an aside: if you’re going to ask him to not eat takeout you should prepare for some issues. He clearly has no interest in grocery shopping or cooking for himself so you’ll need to do almost all of it yourself for this to have the potential to work. Also, this seems like a small issue but “what are we going to eat?” is actually a big issue that could cause big problems. Going from a ldr to living together is problematic but going into it with conflicts like this is a recipe for disaster. I’d suggest not moving in together yet.
>his excuse is always “my parents don’t have anything in the kitchen”
It sounds like you’ve already brought it up to him, so I’m not sure what you’re looking for here.
Here’s what I’ll say… my ex husband never kept food in his house. The kids would go for visits and complain that they only get fast food there. At my house, I cook. Protein, starch, and vegetable every night, but not all households at like that.
If he is dependent on his parents, and they are not buying groceries… I’m not sure what you want him to do. Maybe send him some cheap and easy meal recipes, recommend some supplements to offset the missing nutrients, or really just mind your own business instead of shaming him about something out of his control.
Focus on your own weight journey. If you feel the need to give anyone feedback on their lives, make sure it’s constructive and given in love.
So you want him to do what exactly? You don’t like fast food and that’s fine, but you don’t get to ask him to stop eating it because you don’t like it. If there’s no food in the house, he has to eat something.
People here are crazy, I’ve always found a bad diet to be a huge turnoff. And he’s 20, the “my parents won’t give me food” stops cutting it when you’re old enough to support yourself. Do you really want to have separate meals every meal?
What he eats isn’t your business. If you can’t be in a relationship with him, because he eats foods that you don’t like, then leave the relationship. But you’re not the food police.
Sounds like you’re going to have to be the shopper and cook when/if you move in together. Seeing as how he’s 21 and can’t manage to grocery shop or cook for himself. Is that something you’re ok with?
I think you worry over the wrong stuff. You want to move together. His excuse is “my parents have nothing in the kitchen”. But he has money for takeout and fastfood. So he had money for groceries. But i guess he just doesn’t want to cook. And shop groceries. Now you should ask you: How will the household be divided when we move together? And always fast food is expensive.
So talk about what will be the game plan when you move together. Does he plan to change his diet? Can he finance it when he now need to pay for rent, utilities, electricity, all the other bills… What about the other household chores? Who does what?
You are long distance. You mostly didn’t even experienced him in his every day life. The visits is something else. This doesn’t give a real insight.
Out of interest: Who changes the location and do you have a back-up plan if it doesn’t work out?
You guys are moving in together in May – work it into your discussions about the move!
You’re going to be living together, you should be on the same page about most things. Finances, chores, etc. It sounds like he is used to a comfortable, easy living situation at home with his parents – that is all going to change once he’s out, in lots of ways. A lot of responses here seem to be ignoring the financial aspect of eating takeout every day. Once he has to start paying rent and utilities, he won’t be able to afford takeout every day, so he’s going to need to start eating at home whether or not he likes it. Brainstorm some recipes you both like or things that can be modified to accommodate 2 slightly different diets. Suggest a cooking/shopping schedule where you each do half the work and pitch in half the money. He’s probably not going to like this at first. But you can point out to him that this way is affordable and fair to both of you. He will actually have to put in some effort for once, but his food expenses will decrease significantly AND he’ll have home-cooked food provided to him half the time.
And for scale, I knew someone who was ordering takeout 1-2x daily and tallied up the costs out of curiosity. He spent $900-1000 that month alone, and still had a sizable grocery bill. I spend maybe $100 on takeout in a month. Probably around $300/mo for groceries and I buy basically whatever I want at the store. Food is expensive, but eating takeout is way, way worse.
Well maybe when you have something in the kitchen in May he will eat it. Also if he’s already skinny and starts eating healthy he will be even skinnier. You have to mix it up a little bit.