So… it might just be my past, but whenever a girl has “causally” rested her legs on me, it leads to cuddling, which leads to kissing, and so on. I think its a **very flirtatious** thing, (most guys like it).
When I have been in monogompus relationships in the past, if anyone other than my partner would try that on me, I’d whip put the ***”I have a gf card”.***
So far, every guy I ask, has said that they would *not be comfortable* with their partner putting their legs on *other* guys. I’ve asked some girls, and they said that they know it’s a ***”male weakness”***, they have done it to get kisses, cuddles, and even sex.
I asked my partner why she puts her legs on me, and she said “I’d do it to anyone.” “Anyone?”, I ask. She reaffirmed what she said. I explained to her my thoughts, and she couldn’t really comprehend it. She also doesn’t really know, or understand, that guys tend to like, soft/squishy parts of a girl’s body.
I asked her what she would do if a girl was doing it to her partner, and she said she’d “break their legs” laughingly.
How can I explain that, well, it’s.. in ours or future relationships, its something that should be strayed away from doing?
TL;DR
When a girl puts legs on guys, usually both parties know it can come off as flirty. How can I inform my partner on this?
8 comments
Own your own shit.
You’re uncomfortable with her doing this. Admit it. Say so. Ask her not to.
You don’t need her to agree with you. You don’t need her to acknowledge this is how men are or this is how the world is. You don’t need to train her up for the next guy. You just need to ask her to honor your boundary.
Also, she clearly does understand, since she found it threatening if another woman did it.
Don’t set fires, act like her instructor, or pass judgment. Ask for what you want in a relationship and leave it at that.
Sounds like you two haven’t had a proper exclusivity talk, so time to have one. Tell her you want to agree on the boundaries of your relationship, and discuss what sort of physical contact is okay for you to have (no double standards, so you either agree something is fine for both of you or neither of you) and include legs on someone and talk about amount of contact when dancing and talk about sharing beds in different contexts and flirting (it isn’t all physical contact to discuss) and about degree of info it’s okay to share about your relationship with others and anything else you can each think of. Either you come to agreements you both can be comfortable and okay with or you two are incompatible. She doesn’t need to agree with your point of view though, you two just need to agree on what the boundaries are – and make it clear the conversation is open to be revisited if either of you think up anything else to discuss on the topic.
You’re approaching this all wrong. Rather than trying to convince her what is “normal” or what “everyone knows,” just tell her it makes YOU uncomfortable for her to put her legs on other guys.
If your partner can’t even begin to grasp the concept of being in a relationship and not having outside men touch her body physically then she isn’t in the right mental state to be in a relationship. Drop her ass
I don’t even understand why she doesn’t understand such a simple thing 😅 even my 17 year old brother who never had a relationship would think that’s weird.
Have you asked her why she thinks it’s ok to do this with other guys, but she would be combative if another girl did this to you? That’s just blatant double standards. She is not approaching this issue in good faith, and this is surprising behavior for a 21 year old.
Is this just a theoretical conversation? I don’t see you saying she actually did it – she just responded with anyone?
Either way, just say “it makes me uncomfortable and I’d like a partner who doesn’t do that.”
She’ll either say OK and not do it, say OK and do it, or say I’ll do what I want.
It’s not your job to teach her how to behave. It’s your job to express what you are uncomfortable with.
I am confused about what needs “explaining” here? It sounds like she is well aware that this is a flirty behavior which she would object to in a situation where flirting is not appropriate. Your problem is not that she doesn’t understand or is confused about what constitutes flirting or needs anything explained to her like she’s a child, and it would be a mistake to continue thinking the solution is to somehow “inform” her of this information she is somehow missing about what flirting is. Your problem is that she’s saying that she doesn’t feel that your relationship is one that obliges her to not flirt with other men.
Talk to her about *that*. Does she not consider you her partner, or not consider your dating relationship to be an exclusive one? Does she consider you her exclusive partner, but believe that men in relationships aren’t allowed to flirt while women in relationships can flirt freely with other men so long as those men are single? You need to get to the bottom of where she’s coming from in order to determine your next step. (If you have fundamentally different relationship models, for example, you just need to break up, whereas if you’ve misunderstood the degree of commitment then it might be time for a conversation about how you are interested in a more serious exclusive relationship.)