Are my [31M] and my wife [33F] incompatible?

TL;DR. Together 12yrs (31M, 33F), married 4, no kids. Recently started to actually look at the relationship and realize that I don’t feel that my wife and I are compatible.

Sorry for the wall of text. I’ve been overthinking things for almost 6mo and I just feel so overwhelmed. I’ll try and list the issues below.

Hi Reddit, I (31M) have been with my wife (33F) for 12 years, total, married 4. For some context, my wife has been a business professional since graduating university and I am currently completing my residency in a subspecialty medicine program. We’re from Canada. We met when we were very young (8 and 10) and became a couple when we were 19 and 21. I was smitten with her all throughout highschool, despite not going to the same school. I definitely put her on a pedestal and was a bit of a die-hard romantic. I held out hope until she finally came around and we started dating when I entered university. I was head-over-heels happy because it finally happened. Things were great, we spent lots of time together (Within the confines of university/living with parents, both of us). The first few years were good and then we sort of went into autopilot. After the first 3 years or so of dating, she asked when we would get married. Because of my pursuit of becoming a physician, I had always used school as a means of delaying. Finally, after 7yrs of dating, I proposed and we married after 8yrs of dating. I can’t say I felt ready for marriage, but we were both getting older and we were in a stable, not bad LTR.

Two years ago, we decided it would be time to start trying for a child, but had issues. We ended up trying IVF a few times and with each time we weren’t pregnant, I felt a sense of relief. During my pediatrics and obstetrics rotations last year, I noticed that I had no envy whatsoever and came to the conclusion that I didn’t want kids yet — maybe ever. We had spoken about having kids before marriage, so I was very nervous to bring it up to my wife. But I did and she asked some very pointed questions: Did I not want kids at all or kids with her specifically? Did I still lover her? What happened?

They were all great questions and I asked for some time to reflect. In the past few months, I’ve been thinking about it nonstop and I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason I’ve felt like I didn’t want to move onto the next step is that perhaps we aren’t compatible. I’ve changed a lot since I was 19, heck, in the last two years I’ve changed so much. We’ve chatted multiple times and she’s aware that I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re incompatible. In my reflections I’ve realized that:

1. I highly value talking about a large variety of topics from nerd culture to geek culture to medicine, poetry, arts, philosophy, cartoons, anime, science, cars, technology, internet culture/memes, and hypothetical situations. These are things I feel allow me to best connect with people and to really understand others. It is a source of inside jokes, gift ideas, and it just forms the way I speak with them. I’ve noticed that when I’m able to converse with people about these things, I feel happy and genuinely myself. However, my wife doesn’t like any of those things. In the past, when I’ve brought up cartoons I thought were amazing, her response was “I don’t like cartoons”, same with anime; when I asked her hypothetical questions, her response was “I don’t see a point in talking about it, there’s no practical use”; when I try to engage about philosophy or medicine or anything more academic, she isn’t interested and she lacks the foundational knowledge that comes with having taken all the basic science courses in university. I think the underlying difference between my wife and I is that I have an insatiable curiosity that she simply doesn’t.
2. I highly value music, both playing and listening. I enjoy exploring new genres/artists/songs and feel that music is cathartic. Music helps me express myself. If you paid attention to the lyrics of the songs I’m listening to at any given time, you could tell exactly what I’m feeling. When there are songs that really vibe with my current mood/season in life, I listen to it on repeat, memorize the lyrics, and sing it all the time. My wife finds that annoying. To destress, sometimes I enjoy just listening to music and singing it at the top of my lungs. She thinks it’s a bit trivial, so I only do it when she’s out of the house. She doesn’t really explore music and isn’t really interested in anything in particular.
3. My natural curiosity also leads me to want to experience a lot of things that she doesn’t necessarily vibe with, like recreational drugs. I’ve not done any yet, because I know she doesn’t approve, but it makes me sad at the thought that I might not ever get to know.

I’ve been reading a bunch of books, articles, and reddit posts to try and see every vantage point. I’ve gone through the book “Too good to leave, too bad to stay”, read lots of Esther Perel’s articles, several Gottman institute articles, and I’ve read some random articles on the internet. I’ve tried CBT. We had a few sessions with a marriage counsellor, and I’ve had a few counselling sessions alone. We’re awaiting another couples counsellor. I’ve also read lots of Reddit posts to get some anecdotal evidence (I know, it’s not the strongest evidence, but getting real life stories helps sometimes).

There’s lots more I could say, but I think that about summarizes things that are sort of swirling in my head. I just need some advice on what to do… Time and time again, the conclusion I reach is that I don’t feel fulfilled in this marriage and I don’t know if I ever will. Therefore, I keep concluding that divorce is the right option for both of us. I think we both deserve a fulfilling and happy.

With all that said, I will say that my wife is a great person and a fantastic partner. Could I suck it up and would the marriage be okay? Sure. But I just don’t feel fulfilled. Is good enough sufficient?

Thanks in advance.