I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how to make friends and don’t know how to deal with being alone. How do I manage?

19 comments

  1. There is no shortcut to end this time. You will have to go through this, but I promise everything will be fine ❤️

    My tips: do something you enjoy and reflect about how you are feeling
    This will help you process it faster

  2. That’s sad to hear, sorry things ended. Try to take care of yourself by eating right, sleeping well, and staying in shape. When you’re feeling up to meeting people again, it might be good to cultivate friends first and foremost.

    I’m of the mindset that a significant other should not be everything to you. Being your only friend is too much of a responsibility and as you’ve seen, losing that one friend can be devastating and leave you with no one to kick back with or confide in.

    I’ve always believed that a significant other should add to your life but not necessarily fill a void. Be happy enough in life without a partner and that contentment I think will make you a more fun person who’ll attract prospects more easily

  3. I’m in the same boat, though I do have friends, but less than before and I need to find new ones.

  4. I would definitely recommend a book called the Anatomy of Loneliness by Teal Swan.
    I see loneliness as an empowering opportunity to delve into oneself and getting to now myself better;) but I definitely relate to you and you are not alone in this feeling.

  5. You need people around to make new social contacts, that is a simple fact. Go to a place where you can find people and interact with them, for example, take acting classes. Be around the people, have fun, and you will make friends with time. If you ugly and boring, well, it will take more time.

  6. I have been in this position (relationship ended, and not a lot of friends) and know people who have been in a similar position because of several different reasons. For example moving to a new city.

    The breaking up part is just hard. I had to take time to process and recover. You can work at improving your life at the same time though, and this might help you feel less lonely as well. You probably wont be the best version of yourself because of the breakup but don’t let that hold you back.

    You have to put yourself out there to be able to make friends. It can be any social activity or even start online when that is hard for you. Sites like meetup are great for this. What I noticed is that some people will make it harder for themselves. One woman I know has made most of her friends on a vacation with a travel agency for people who went alone and want to go with a group. They are close friends now with two she met on that trip. It can be as easy as that. Or someone who joined a social sport and is doing a lot of activities outside the sport with them. A group of five of them show up for his birthday party every year. Don’t overthink, it is not that hard but sometimes it can be hard to take the first step.

    Doing social activities that you like will help you deal with loneliness as well, as it is good to be around people. When you do something you enjoy there is a chance you meet likeminded people. For me it also just happened that I connected really well with colleagues and I still meet them regularly years later after we all work somewhere else. Be open to the opportunities when they come by.

    Be open, kind and interested and things will probably happen. Just don’t give up.

    For me personally eating well, working out and sleeping well has a positive effect on my mental wellbeing. It’s not the solution for loneliness, but might be able to help you on your way to improve your life.

    You should also try to get your own life in order before starting new romantic relationships. This way it has a way better chance of working and you already have your own life that you are happy with, the relationship should be a bonus where you can share your happy (and sad) moments with someone and build them together.

    It was kind of hard to get my thought in order so I just put everything down. I hope this helps you in some way.

  7. Maybe find a beginners class in something you find interesting. Then you are at the same place with people with the same interest that are at the same level of proficiency. Also, reflect on how much being in a relationship is similar to drug dependence and how it feels like you are in withdrawal right now. Sociability is a survival trait, not a necessity for happiness. Dig into interesting things that you maybe didn’t have time for before. You will be more interesting as a result and a more attractive friend/partner.

  8. I was in this situation a few years ago! It sucks. I’m quite the introvert with a dash of social anxiety to top it off. I threw myself into everything I could. I also saw a therapist for a bit.

    I made a bumble bff account and met some great ppl. Are you religious? I also met ppl through church. I attended a small group with ppl my age. Eventually I formed a small group of friends and I’m really happy I did. I also reached out to friends that I had prior to my relationship.

    Eta: it takes time but if you put effort into it, I promise you’ll make friends.

  10. dont waste time trying to find friends , look at improving yourself and you will make friends along the way probably

  11. Comment about that but we all have friends and I are places in lower places if you ever really wanted to have some friends you could do it very easily the place to really have a friend in church there’s always people to put their hand out and talk to you that’s a very good place to start passing friends now I’ve been there done it

  12. This was me about 2 years ago. The beginning is rough as hell with that new hole in your heart and now knowing what to do with yourself alone. I didn’t make any strong connections with anyone since my ex was my world so I was isolated for a good few months with no one to talk to. After a while of moping around being sorry I decided to change the direction of my life and just start talking to people. Hit it off with a good friend group that forced me to go out and that I could open up to later down the line. Got me into the gym (how typical I know) and opened me up to being happy once again

    Not really a direct solution so your problems, but give it time. Start a journal and try and push yourself to being consistent with some physical activity you can enjoy then just talk to the people around you. You’ll dig yourself out the pit eventually

  13. Find a hobby. Go places where that hobby is practiced. You’ll meet people that you already have something in common with. Good luck.

  14. I highly recommend finding a long-practicing hypnotherapist. I dismissed them for years because I didn’t understand them, but I finally went to one this week.

    I had a lot of traumas from my childhood that have caused me to be very close to where you are. I had severe burnout last year, which has reinforced feelings of low self-esteem, low self-worth, and low self-confidence. I’ve been learning about the connection between those and childhood the last few months.

    After a conversation about all the things that were troubling me, the hypnotherapist got me into as much of a relaxed state as I could be, and guided me through some root memories of where these feelings were being reinforced from.

    She then guided me through removing the emotions from them, and then merging the memory of me into my adult self. We kept doing the process until I felt powerful.

    Two days later, my life is still largely where it was, however the heavy internal weight has been lifted. That weight was the shame telling me, “I should be feeling depressed, and crappy, and down, because that’s what I deserve.” It’s just not there any more.

    Whatever it costs, it’s worth it’s weight in gold if your own repressed emotions are what are holding you down.

  15. Be comfortable with yourself first and foremost.

    Being comfortable with yourself, will instinctively interest others into engaging in social interactions.

    Everytime you notice yourself feeling depressed, most people notice their feelings without realizing that it’s all the negative thinking we do. It is taking the time to adress the negative thinking and turn it into a positive thought.

    If the thought is:

    “I’ll always be alone”

    Change the thought to something like:

    “I deserve a happy and healthy life.”

    Then think about the steps to achieve these new positive reinforcement goals.

    If those steps seem “impossible”, keep breaking them down until they are possible.

    If those steps include picking up a social hobby, or making small talk to people you see, or engage more with your co-workers. Every little step helps.

  18. Same girl. Fuck everything at this point. Time to start all over again. I go into solitude and wallow in my sorrows a bit cut off communication not even the pleasantries. And yea working out is a good one start reading new books etc. it’s crazy and so stupid that the way to attract a GOOD lasting person is bettering yourself. I’ve had the back and forth a few times with dude already but he crossed the line at disrespecting me and cussing at me and then me finding out his friend he introduced me to (that I was SUPER nice to) him and her used to sleep together. And probably still did everytime we were separated. It’s sickening. Main thing is if you don’t have any friends you have to be the friend to yourself. If no one is kind to you you have to be super kind to yourself and it’s hard cause self worth really messes up your perception of yourself especially after you lose someone. But so far for me (and it probably sounds bad) it’s easier to get over break ups by just being pissed about it. Like “I don’t deserve that. Look at me I’m a catch!” And stating all the reasons why it’s THEIR loss. You’re kind, funny, beautiful, and have a good head on your shoulders and a kind heart. Go through it be sad but remember this feeling is fleeting.

    P.S.
    I know I said be pissed about it maybe you can talk stuff about why he sucked etc but I would refrain from focusing on why he sucked/talking sh!t to him and berating him. Not worth it also abusers suck whether it’s emotional or physical. Focus on all the reasons why YOU ARE SO GOOD AND EXTREMELY LOVABLE
    You got this babe.

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