How to find friends who actually want to do things?

24 comments

1. Go and do the things you want to do and make friends when you get there.

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3. I recently just left my “mates meetup” WhatsApp group, as none of them ever, ever want to go out.

   I do cinema maybe once a week, a gig about 2-3 times in a month, pub once a week, on average. Since the end of The Event, I’ve got one friend to come with me once, to a gig. I just gave up. I don’t expect everyone to come out all the time, but one person once in a while, surely? Some appear to have not left their houses in 3 years.

4. Join a club or group where people do things and you’ll make friends there.

   E.g. I’m part of a mountaineering club. Didn’t know anyone before I joined. Now I’m going on day hikes with people outside the club.

5. Hard to give any non-generic advice without knowing anything about your interests and lifestyle. I think approaching 40, fewer people will be up for a spontaneous trip with a new mate – partners, kids, old friends will take precedence. Doesn’t mean you can’t find anyone who would

6. The app Meetup is good for meeting people with similar interests etc.

7. If you live in/near a city or decent sized town the Meetup app is an easy option.

8. I dunno dude, I just kinda want to chill and see what’s on Netflix, message me next week and I will see what’s up.

9. Don’t ‘find a group of friends’ find an activity you’re interested in and make friends with those people who are doing the same thing.

10. I’m of a similar age and position as you, in my case family comes first so I don’t really have time for my own pursuits that would take place outside the house (maybe when the children are older and more independent).

    Do you have any hobbies? Many hobbies tend to have local groups who share their past-time and socialise, whether it’s art, gaming, ceramics, cooking, dancing – there may be a group or even a class that would welcome you.

    Might be a good shout to try something outside of the usual too, I used to go skydiving at Netheravon and that was great fun and I met a lot of great people. I’ve too much middle-aged spread to return to that, maybe when I get back in shape and get cheaper life insurance, I’d say you should try it at least once if you haven’t already!

11. I am in my early 30s and it’s a bummer because a lot of friends are settling down and start having kids and for the first few years (at least) they really have other things to worry about. I have two solutions really, either find friends who are also childfree (easier done in cities) or befriend those who have older kids and are empty nesters. I also learned to do things on my own that I wouldn’t have done a few years back.

    I also learned that I am not going to miss out on doing things because I don’t have other people to do it with. Why should I limit myself. I am not going to miss out on my favorite’s band concert because I have no one to go with, I’ll go on my own. First time was scary but I had a blast and I believe that it was much better to go on my own than with other people. I don’t think I will ever go to gigs with riends, at least not to majority of them.

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    It’s also good to try and find new friends based on your interests. E.g. I went to another gig alone, before that I joined the official band discord and over time got to know other people. Many of whom got to the gig early (as did I) to get a good spot and we had fun meeting each other and chatting without the need to worry about each other at the gig (not losing them, worrying that they’re not enjoying it).I joined language classes and met people who are interested in the same cultures and want to travel as well. Basically, I am trying to meet people who share my interests as opposed to expect my well established friends to do things they don’t want to.

12. Im part of a Round Table, they are mens clubs that do bits of charity work and we do social events every 2 weeks in general. There are a few trips organised too. Mine is quite boozy, but we have members who don’t drink and there isnt an issue with it. That might be an option for you if you have one nearby

13. You are right about men, a lot just can’t be arsed anymore, it’s definitely more so in recent years. I think also many blokes really enjoy doing stuff with their family and miss them when they are apart. People have changed though and it’s a shame as there are so many things to do yet (for everyone).

14. And here I was thinking it was just me.

    Aside from my best friend, all of my other mates are happy to sit in a Discord call every night and play games online together. The kind of people that cba meeting in person but can’t seem to not fall out in group chats etc.

    Best thing to do is just bin them off and meet new people through doing the things you enjoy. They’ll probably never change – it’s just how some people are these days.

15. I’m mid 30s and too tired to do anything ever

16. You need to do stuff yourself – and don’t be scared to have separate friends for separate activities. I have my close friends, then I have theatre friends, holiday friends, reading holiday friends, gym friends, dog friends, climbing friends, art friends, shopping friends etc. Sometimes people get bumped up from activity friends to close friends and sometimes people get bumped down. Friendships and relationships change as much as people do.

17. No idea if this will help you, and slightly different situation (I’m older older and female as are my friends) but it’s taken a while for me to get my social life back up and running since the pandemic. Something I did find helpful, was organise things earlier in the evening. So suggesting early dinners/cinema/exhibitions things that could be done on the way home from work. And lunch time/afternoon things at the weekend.

    I also did a lot of the organising to start with although other friends have now started to do some suggesting/researching/organising.

    Many of my pals have kids so we’re also getting stuff in the diary well in advance and spontaneity seems to be more difficult in general since the pandemic, lots more booking things well ahead.

18. I like smoking weed and eating food, cmon over and chill 👍

19. Yea iv found the same after the pandemic

20. Find a club for your hobbies

21. Man I have this issue. I love my friends and love playing board games and DND, but now the weather is getting nicer and the days are longer I want to spend days out hiking and being outside instead of stuck at someone’s house or just being sat in the garden.

22. Same happened in my group of friends (women in early 30s). We were active during the pandemic, I guess people had a lot more free time but now we barely ever meet up and normally just for a meal out, I’d much prefer doing an activity

23. To find good friends it will take a lot of initiative. You have to first show them that you are friend material. Only then will someone open up to you. Nothing will happen unless someone breaks the ice. That will have to be you.

24. Find things you want to do and join clubs/groups that do those things.