i feel like i need a boyfriend to feel motivated to live a more productive life

I do love myself, I do think I’m good looking, kind, flirtatious, funny, and a generally good girlfriend. i always spend time improving myself and trying to listen to interesting podcasts to make myself a better conversationalist. i really feel like im the wrong package but i don’t like being overly sexual on the first few dates because i don’t have much sexual experience and don’t feel comfortable having sex unless i’ve been one more than a few dates with that person, but i think this can push people away… but im hoping it’s only pushing the wrong people away that wanna use me for my body.

but i just got ghosted after what i thought was a really good first date with a lot of chemistry. he even said he wanted to take me out again. and im getting really self-conscious, wondering if i’m uglier or more boring than i thought. i think i’m a generally happy and confident person BUT ONLY WHEN IM NOT PURSUING A RELATIONSHIP. i joke-flirt with my coworkers all the time but they’re all taken so i can only find potential dates on tinder or bumble. i’m really feeling down rn like i’ll never get a relationship. it’s been years. i’m good enough. why doesn’t anyone want to go steady with me.